|Reviews for Abused|
| Raingypsy chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
Oh, wow. That's so sad! It's also horrible that this actually does happen. Good Job, you've really captured the feelings of the situation.
| BloomingFlower-asn chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
Oh my gosh! Poor girl. You see this is what I mean about men hurting women. Always the case. I'm glad you wrote this. It is really nice. My heart was also pounding as her father came closer and closer towards her.. I winced a few times as I read the word 'crack'.. Great story. It was as though I was right there watching everything unfold in front of me. But I couldn't do anything to stop it..
* asn *
| HighOnBrokenWings chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
Very powerful. Though, I was expecting there to be kinda a more visible twist... Just me... And what I like :P
Uhm. Watch the change of tense, you jumped between past and present tense a lot, sometimes even in the same sentence. Jumping between tenses can be affective, say for the end of a chapter, and something big happens that just needs to be told in present tense for the best effect, but other than that, try to stick to one or the other XD
So does that last sentence mean that she died? A little bit of confusion... Also, do you want me to suggest a way that you could have made the second to ending line a little more powerful?
(Btw, this is just what I think, and there is no way that you have to listen to what I have to say)
"I continued to cry as my cruel father continued to beat me up."
"Tears continued to pour down my bruised cheeks as the sadistic man who claimed to be my father, hit me again and again with that blunt stick. Who'd ever thought that something so normal could be the device to convey an emotion so evil?"
It was just lacking a little bit of variation in sentence struture for a story story.
Man, I'm being so evil with my reviews tonight :(
Though, I really did love it, captivating, and its obvious in it that you really have an amazing way with words XD
Hope this helped :D HOBW
| Unique1952 chapter 1 . 9/24/2009
This is a great start. I could really feel Samantha's fear!
Nice start, with this story!
I look forward to reading more!
| Oggle chapter 1 . 9/21/2009
Intense! It's horrible! I mean, the actual story itself is meant to be horrible and melancholy.. I LOVED IT!
It's so emotive!
OK. Now im gunna cut off my whole review speech, not that i even know how the fuck to review.. (excuse the language...its a bad habit)
So, in short, i loved it too bits! IM NEW TOO!
| ranDUMM chapter 1 . 9/21/2009
Great start to a story! :D Maybe have longer paragraphs, with joined sentences instead of a line for each sentence. Also, your tense changes a tiny bit throughout the story, but it doesn't affect the overall story. Great work! :D:D