|Reviews for A White Curtain, Closing|
| COSTUMEFORAGUTTERBALL chapter 1 . 10/4/2009
HEY! ITS COSTUMEFORAGUTTERBAL writing this-the website is being annoying and not letting me sign in or upload new stuff. I love this poem! It uses really fantastic imagery-you are the best!
| kit feral chapter 1 . 9/25/2009
And I point out the constellations to you.
All of the opal-faced carnations full in bloom
in a sky deader than your swollen erection,
someone telling me that I am Polish,
yet, No, I say,
I am a Russian bridge erupting,
like silken petals from my mother’s Irish womb,
Oh.. your words really do leave me speechless. Sometimes I'd like to be able to let them wash over me and just nod at you in acknowledgment and respect, but unfortunately, FictionPress doesn't have that button.
| Isca chapter 1 . 9/24/2009
"Burgeoning since of fatherhood." Did you mean 'sense'?
"Time itself is a domesticated prostitute." I don't think the word 'domesticated' really added any substantial meaning to this line. I think "Time itself is a prostitute" would be more impactful.
"A corset still acts as a coffin to my rib bones." Excellent line. The imagery here is very 'beautiful' and 'suffocating.' ;)
"In a sky deader then your swollen erection, rising." 'Then' should be 'than.' This line contradicts itself. 'Deader than' implies that this man's penis is limp, and yet, you continue to describe it as 'swollen' and 'rising.'
"I am a Russian bride erupting." Brilliant. Creative. Wow. :D
"Concubine of time." I absolutely adore this ending.
| Brenda Agaro chapter 1 . 9/24/2009
Great personification. I also like the pacing.
| Ayx chapter 1 . 9/24/2009
First stanza...captured my attention
and the detailed imagine
that continued on in the poem'
blew me away!
| cab fed hig chapter 1 . 9/23/2009
"I am a Russian bride erupting"? Holy shit, this is amazing.
The summary drew me in to this phenomenon.
One of my favourites on FP
| May Elizabeth chapter 1 . 9/23/2009
This was vivid, haunting, and gave me shivers. Amazing work. :D
| katietheunicorn chapter 1 . 9/23/2009
I really loved this poem because you pulled off the narrative style so well. Every word, every line was powerful and gripping. I also loved the imagrey, it struck many, many chords in my heart and I could really see this as, like, a real situation or real story.
I honestly could find very little wrong with it, maybe add more variety to line structure? Like some one-worders here and there or whatnot. But you even pulled that off fairly well.
| Mirabella chapter 1 . 9/22/2009
This is amazing, so vivid and emotive. You clearly have talent. :)