Reviews for Melville and the White
lookingwest chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
Yep, I definitely like the theme of "white" that you carry throughout the poem because it obviously ties everything together in a great manner, and I like how you usually employ that idea of "white" to bones or something on the human body in a way-something alive, or something that was once alive, like the analogy of the eggs. I have to say that the very beginning, the metaphor where you transform the white eye to an egg, was brilliant, that was an image at its best and it spoke, like breaking sight or breaking what you can see with the naked eye, I dunno, just thought it was really profound. I like that you were able to capture that right away, and the rest of the poem really had me at rapt attention.

from the review marathon (link in my profile)
in theory chapter 1 . 9/29/2009
Your imagery actually provoked a physical reaction form me in that first stanza, I have a morbid disgust of eyeballs not inside a skull. Gross! But also strangely alluring, I love the word "lolling" here. Like they're kind of lazily flopping around, knowing they're getting a reaction without really having to put much effort into it.

You know, the line "white is the elephant in the room" I almost feel is misplaced where it is now. Something about the snappiness of it feels wrong specifically there.

As usual though you captivate the reader almost demandingly (and I mean this with respect/admiration) with your story, and the final stanza made me smile.

Jack
Brenda Agaro chapter 1 . 9/28/2009
I'll admit that I haven't read Moby Dick yet, but heard a lot about it, especially the themes. I thought you did a great job conveying those themes in this poem. I like the last stanza - great imagery.
kit feral chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
I love your metaphors so much. You describe the world wonderfully.

I want to suck your

off-white teeth dry,

Love that line.
Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 9/26/2009
I do believe you've outdone yourself. :)

The entire first stanza I love. The somewhat cringe-worthy, quirky descriptions give the piece a particular flair. It's all very creative, very much your own.

In the second stanza, "knuckles curling like ringlets around my hand" is fantastic. Your word choice for "curling" is a lovely way to put it. (The line also comes right after you mention the sounds, the "crackle" of the rock against the speaker's rings. Word choice for "crackle": also lovely. Descriptive and accurate.)

"I want to suck your off-white teeth dry." I especially like "off" in that line. It's more specific.

"White is the elephant in the room, unavoidable." What I like best about that line is the tone. It's a little cheeky, rather clever. Plus, this is where you begin a more direct approach to your "brief, and slightly tangled history of white". The change is refreshing; adds more interest to the piece.

My only suggestion to this is maybe some line re-arrangement. Some of the phrases could be 'cut' differently, to be clearer.

Wonderful work. :D
Isca chapter 1 . 9/26/2009
"Lolling across the countertop." LOLLING ACROSS THE COUNTERTOP? Good God! That's fantastic! I absolutely love the 'eyeball' imagery in the opening of this poem-it's so morbid and captivating.

"I want to see the white light in your eyes." Oh wow. There's something deeply moving and profound about this line-it's rather spiritual.

"I want to suck your off-white teeth dry." Vivid. Creative. Intense.

"White is the elephant in the room, unavoidable." What a masterful line!

"An afternoon of imperial sun detonates like a slosh of kismet." That's literally one of the best similes I've ever read. Bar none.

"Those gulls, kelp and baleen swelling." Brilliant diction.

(The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix)