I just discovered your story and I have to say it is a bit of a hidden gem! Why the hell have you not got more reviews? This story is nothing but absolute QUALITY!
So superbly written, and not your run of the mill high school cliche story either. (I am sensing this may end up becoming quite dark.)
I have only read the first two chapters so far as each one takes quite some time to read, (this is in no way a bad thing) but I shall definitely return to read more when I get the chance. In the mean time, I shall add this story to my favourites.

I have so much to say about this story, so much to critique... but for the life of me, I cannot remember everything. It's been several days since I started reading this, and I stupidly thought I could remember everything till the end, but I obviously couldn't. For that, I'm painfully sorry. You're story warrants a better review than the one I'm about to give you.

But I'll say what's on my mind anyway and try my best.

What makes you such a good story teller, is the amount of passion you put into creating your characters and giving them voice and personalities. My favourite character is Blake. Just because he's so good, vulnerable, sometimes heartbreakingly sweet, and other times tragically attractive (given his history and the sad way in which he regards himself).

I'm very fond of both Margaret and Keith. Margaret, thought, sometimes annoyed the hell out of me. At the beginning, I loved her. Near the middle, I almost hated her because of how cruel she was to Blake. In the end, I loved her again, because she actually acknowledged that fact that she screwed up. Keith is wonderful. Even though he wasn't totally likable at first, and for obvious reasons, the second half of the story really showed the 3rd dimension to his character, which mostly showcased his change of heart. He's still not the greatest person to know, but somehow his character garners a lot of sympathy from me.

Christi is also a likable character, for the mass, at least. For me, I only liked her when she was David's girl. Otherwise, I guess she kind of annoyed me. Her tough front got old pretty quickly, and I quite honestly thought she was rude many times. If she blames others for living an "easy, rich life," then she is as much at fault for playing the victim. Then she hit David. What? Really, I don't care how angry you are, you just can't hit people. And what was she doing hitting him when she had only days before kissed Keith? Even if it was during a rough patch in her and David's relationship. On top of that, she just strikes me as a highly irrational girl- which in general is a great annoyance to me.

Now on to Kathy! I think I hated her character from the beginning of the story until her very last few sentences. I actually kind of pitied her when she spoke those last words to Margaret, and I felt her regret. There's one other thing I have to say about her, and it's her role in this story. I'm not saying I'm correct, here- just giving my opinion. How is her role significant? She ignited the events of the rest of the story, but that could have been any random girl Keith could have slept with, and the story wouldn't have played out differently. She challenged Margaret's feelings for Keith and confronted her feelings for Blake. But if Maggie's love for Blake was as strong as it was, then her feelings would have unravelled eventually, Kathy not needed.

So what is Kathy's role, exactly? Besides a sister to David, a girl who slept with Keith, and a temporary enemy to Maggie. You gave her a great voice, wrote a lot about her, but it seemed a bit much for a girl who only embodies these minor roles. Roles that any other faceless girl in the story would have accomplished without changing the plot. That's what I feel from what has been written.

Enough about the characters. I want to say your description is amazing. Your actual story telling has a way to evoke so much emotion from the reader (or at least from me), and that's something people either can do or can never. Sometimes, however (I hope you don't blow up at me), the descriptions do get a bit too much. Sometimes I caught you going off topic, writing about things that were not related to the subject or events at hand, and when you have as much description as you already do, it gets overwhelming. I found myself skimming through paragraphs at times, which shouldn't have happened.

Another thing, at times when the description was at a good amount, the paragraphs themselves just looked too big to bite. It's not necessarily a wrong you are doing here, but here's a tip: break up long paragraphs unless it is absolutely necessary some must stay as a chunk. The reason is people tend to shy away from large paragraphs. It just looks like too much to read. This goes for every piece of writing- novels, textbooks, letters, business letters, etc. Large paragraphs are a turn off, simply because the eye finds it tiresome.

One last critique! Your grammar isn't up to par. Which isn't tragic or anything- you have the basics. Haha. But little things do matter.

Out of curiosity... I remember when they were using the ouija board on the beach. It said Blake would die at age seventeen... Was there supposed to be any significance to that? After all, it's not like we got to see him live up until eighteen, and he did get a little upset, or stunned over it. Just wondering.

Once again, this story was so wonderful. I stayed up late reading it every night, and I even shed a tear or two! I am pretty emotional. And I'm always happy when I find amazing stories such as yours, because it isn't often that I do. I really love this story. I hope my review is sufficient enough. So yeah, I hope my opinions do not offend you. I know other people have different opinions, so I hope mine don't add to any confusion or anything. :)

Thanks again!

Intense, dark and compelling. I couldn't stop reading. :) Awesome piece of work.

Don't you think it's a bit superfluous to be advertising your stories on popular writers' reviews page? Learn to get by on your own merit, you're not an awful writer.

The consistency of your writing is great. The fact that you keep up your characters, keep them true to themselves whilst developping them is a huge achievement. I love Blake, but he's endlessly frustrating. Keith's narrow-mindedness seems to have no ends, and I'm fully on Christi's side when it comes to him. Christi, I think, has to be the most genuinely likeable character. At least to me. Don't get me wrong I like all of your characters in a way, but their determination to hide their faults and wrongs, or in Blake's case his determination to prove that he's terrible and completely wrong in every single way, detract from them. The way she dealt with the whole boyfriend/suicide thing is admirable. In other words, I mean to say that she has by far the most mettle. Even Blake for all his toughness has so much insecurities that he hides it all under, but Christi's in a constant battle for the better.

Now I know this story's not all about Christi, so I won't base all my review on her, but I just thought I'd give you my ideas on her.

I've already said I love Blake. He's a mixture of toughness and incredible vulnerability which makes sense when considering the amount of life experience he has, but also his age. I just have this uncomfortable feeling that he might not live to grow out of the position he's in. This maybe my morbidity speaking, or from the little hint you gave towards the start of the story, but I'm gearing myself up for it anyway.

Again, excellent writing. Both the dialogue and the actual text is written superbly. I will be adding this to my favourites after I've done reading.

x

I have a massive assignment to write, plus a very important essay, both due on Monday, but I started reading this last night and can't seem to stop clicking on the next chapter. You are a genius. I love the style of your writing, it's so confident and detailed but yet doesn't give everything, or anything, away. Your characters, as well, all well-rounded and shaped, meshing together and interacting with each other realistically and creating tensions and furthering the plot. When you think about the story, in it's very, very, basic form, the plot isn't so very outrageous or unique, but the way in which you write it and shape the characters is, so then the plot becomes unique as well.

Basically, I love it. I had to let you know before I went any further reading, because it felt almost wrong not to. You have serious talent, and I hope you continue working at it.

Thank you very much for sharing this with us!

I absolutely LOVE this story. It's amazing! I love your characters and the way they present themslves and the story is horribly (in a good way) realistic and...whoa. I just adore it, you should definitely write another!

I love, love, LOVE this story.

You know you got something good going on when someone stays up until 6:30 in the morning, constantly napping in between because they're so sleepy so that they can finish reading this story.

Just wow.

Somehow you found a way to make your characters flawed (and human) yet so utterly likable at the same time...How did you do this? By ingesting strange mushrooms? By drinking a particular strain of genius-inducing coffee? By promising your brain-fairies your first-born child? I have no idea, but I loved it!

I've been rendered speechless by your amazing story, so please excuse me while I ignore my university applications so I can re-read this :)

And I honestly think that this story would get printed if you were to try to publish it. I would definitely buy this if it were published as a book and cleaned up a little bit.

So I think it goes without saying that I would love to read a sequel should you decide to write one for NaNoWriMo?

You're amazing :D

i found this story when you published the last chapter and have taken a couple days to read it. wow. it was brilliant. you really brought the characters to life, evoking all the drama, angst, and romance i love. thanks for sharing.

Seriously, this is one of my favorite fp stories ever. You are a brilliant writer and I can't wait to read the sequel! :)

I really hate Maggie now

Not Keith and Christi.

sorry I havent kept up lately! but I'm all caught up now and holy crap. the margaret/blake will they won't they continues, but now I kind of think there's a positive end in sight. maybe... maybe. Right? I mean, they are just... being infuriating right now. but that is very "them", so good work :)

christi and keith have some SERIOUS chemistry. I am way digging that.

and poor david! he is in such a sucky situation.

Wow. I stayed up until 3 AM so that I could finish reading what you've posted so far even though I'm in the middle of finals period (so I blame you for any failing grades haha). You have such a unique voice here and stylistically, I think your writing is absolutely, breath-takingly gorgeous. To tell the truth, by the third chapter, I was like, "Why is she posting this on FP? She should be querying for an agent. This thing is freaking fabulous!" So yeah, I hope you eventually finish this, revise it, take it down, and publish it. I know that I'll one day read this in book form.

I just started reading this now, and I skipped briefly to your last Author's Note, only to find that you're two chapters to the end! Which is great...except I really, really don't want you to delete it before I finish reading it, and seeing as I'm a slow reader...I don't know, I was wondering if after you post the last chapter you could leave the story up for a bit before deleting it?

Onto the story - beyond perfect; rarely do I give such praise ;)