|Reviews for Elyse|
| Anna Christie chapter 1 . 10/20/2009
Love this! Simple and true. I think I can relate. haha Whatever that says about me, I'm not sure, but I like this. :) Wish I could do haiku, man. But I'm no good with putting forth a big meaning in so few words. *shrug* But you apparently are. haha Keep writing, toodles!
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 10/1/2009
Thanks for participating in the Review Marathon!
I liked the piece. I think the idea of wanting to be closer to nature by being a bear was really interesting... definitely not something I've heard of before. I do think the line break between the first and second line seems forced for the syllables though. I think maybe changing that would help the haiku flow better.
| Dale Christopher chapter 1 . 9/30/2009
I like how this eludes to a very in depth subject, but at the same time it feels like it's from the point of view of a child. Only children have that desire and freedom of the mind to wish they we're a completely different life form.
| Brenda Agaro chapter 1 . 9/28/2009
Relatable and beautifully written. It feels like it could be expanded into a poem (the concept), but great job. :D
| kit feral chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
I can relate. It's sad how far most humans have distanced themselves from nature seeing, we too, are animals. This is beautiful.
| Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
Hm. I really love the idea of this, of wanting to be something else. Not just for any reason, though, but for the particular reason of being closer to nature. It quickly says a lot about the titular character.
But the wording doesn't seem to fit 'haiku'. Maybe if the idea were in a setting, as most haiku are, I wouldn't think that. It sort of feels just like pretty words that happen to be in 5/7/5 format.
I love the sounds of "bear" and "they're" in the second line, by the way. That's very nifty of you. :)
| tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
This is brilliant. I love it.
| Mirabella chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
I like the naming, makes this seem more personal and natural. :)
| in theory chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
I love the subtle semi-rhyme of "bear" with "they're" in the second line. Have you ever listened to "Monkey and Bear" by Joanna Newsom? This piece reminded me of that song slightly.
I must admit I would like to have more length to this, the idea seems like you're teasing us..! I guess this is what makes good haikus though, and why they continue to elude me as I'm basically incapable of shutting up sometimes.