Reviews for Silent Night
Alathea chapter 2 . 10/21/2009
This chapter is so suspenseful! I especially love the first paragraph where you describe the assassin girl racing onto the street to escape from the guards.

Just a suggestion: I was a little confused when you suddenly changed the POV at the beginning of this chapter. Perhaps write the name of the person who's speaking at the beginning of each section so that the reader knows?

Great work!
Alathea chapter 1 . 10/21/2009
Great introduction - you have immediately captured the interest of your readers.

I feel that this chapter was too short for my liking. As a reader, I am dying to know more! Maybe you could make this chapter a little longer by describing more of the setting and a little backstory on Cian at the beginning?

Also you mentioned somewhere that "the room was plunged into blackness" - the last word should either be 'black' or 'darkness'.

On to the next chapter!
asnowballschance chapter 14 . 10/17/2009
I'm coming in a bit late, but I'm enjoying the story. Your characters have real potential, and I like the way you've pitted Cian and Rue against each other.

That said, I'm having a hard time following the constant POV switches. Although the characters are do wildly different things and react wildly different to the world around them, when you're writing about them, their POV's don't actually SOUND different from one another.

I'd also like to learn more about the Empire that you're creating! All of these city-states sound fascinating, as are their names (City of Lies, City of Birds, etc.). I imagine you're trying to avoid info dumps, but some history would be great, to tie in the history of the evil king of Ddinas y Gorwedd with the Empire, etc.

Otherwise, I'm enjoying the story so far, especially as Lupe seems to be forming a small family. As she's quite a self-sufficient loner (and quite arrogant as well!), I can't wait to see her interact more with Brann and Rue.

Anyway, I'm sure you'll clean up some of the POV and exposition stuff if/when you rewrite. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Stardrag chapter 1 . 10/11/2009
I really was digging the opening here, along wiht the the descriptions and such. I love how all the bad guys either have modified themselves, or all of their people or family have the same golden eyes. I just think you need a comma between illuminating, and window.

You gave a small glimpse into the directionthat you're story is going to!

Fishphobia chapter 7 . 10/6/2009
Very good ideas, I wish the reader knew a little bit more about Cien though. We know a lot about Lupe(nothing wrong about that, she is an intreasting character) and I know you mention something at the end of one of your chapters about how its hard to right about guys, but I still love your story.

The chapters are a bit quick paced but they are good none the less.



MagicWords chapter 2 . 10/5/2009
Your assasin seems very bad, rebellious, and won't take crap from anyone. Nice potrayal. I like the way you described and explained the underground city. Makes me want to learn more. Some places could use a bit of touch up. I'm guessing this is a medevial type setting so I wouldn't go with words like "diner" but more like "pub" or "inn." Just a suggestion. I can't wait to read more later!


MagicWords chapter 1 . 10/3/2009
An interesting beginning. I think I'm hooked!

The only thing I would suggest would be to add more detail to this first chapter. I think more description to the assassins and what they were doing, facial expressions, etc would make everything more enticing.

But it was amazing, all the same.