|Reviews for The Changes in Life|
| Tathwem Essenuejal chapter 1 . 6/30/2010
This has a good plot behind it, but the first chapter moves way too fast. Often times the first chapter is a very slow ordeal about presenting background information. Unless it is part of your plot to give more information on Laura's behavior and Alliah's mother's death I suggest you put more detail into that. Introducing Derek is good, but I think the plot is moving way too fast with him as well, although I can't be sure until I read more. I really have no idea what the book is supposed to be about because your transitions are too quick. I'd suggest completing your thoughts then making a smoother transitions especially between days. You put the right information, but transitioning is important. Do not be frustrated, because those techniques come with time. I really like the idea and I plan to read more. I just figure I'd give you a couple things to work on. I have my weaknesses too so don't be discouraged. I'm sure there are things you could teach me as well.
| jake Chan chapter 1 . 6/3/2010
Hey! I found this story while surfing the forums, and thought I 'd drop you a review. So, honestly, I like the story line, with a Christian girl trying to get through life, and there being a guy that she likes. The idea is a little cliche, but it doesn't need to be.
You did well at moving the story along, and your pacing wasn't bad. The dialogue was fairly believable, and it wasn't strictly formal, which is good.
DISLIKES:(And I'm definitely not saying any of this to be mean, but I just want to offer you some constructive criticism that will give you a chance to improve if you like)
One thing I noticed about this story is that it feels forced. For example:
"The two of them talked a while after that and really had a lot to talk about."
It's sort of hard to explain, but part of it might be that a 'narrator' is concluding for the reader that there was 'alot to talk about'. I think it would help if it was written more like,
"The two of the talked for a while after that, and Alliah was surprised to find that Derek was amazingly easy to talk with."
In that way, there is no invisible narrator, and it also branches out more on Alliah's feelings.
Another thing that I was wishing to see was WHY Alliah was drawn to Derek in the first place. I'd really like to see that.
There are some grammatical and punctuational corrections that should be made in this, and if you'd like me to tell you those, please let me know.
So, I hope you don't hate me, and I really do think that this story does have potential! I'd just like to see more flow and less dictation in the story. :D
| Vernelley chapter 1 . 3/19/2010
Great start to a very Christian story, it's very well written and really reflects Alliah's religious beliefs and so forth.
There's more action than dialogue, but at this point in time the dialogue is only for interaction between Derek and Alliah, so that's fine.
Overall, this seems like a decent story, so it'll be interesting to see where this goes.
| tetsujinLAU chapter 1 . 1/22/2010
Nice story, keep it up. :)
This, for sure, will be one inspirational story for all
| HeroofEnelios chapter 1 . 12/31/2009
I think this is going to be a great and inspirational story.
I also understand how Alliah feels. It's difficult being Christian, but we need to know that we're never alone, because we have each other, and our family. Even if they don't agree with it, we have our friends too.
Well written chapter, and keep up the good work.