|Reviews for The Dreamer|
| jj1027 chapter 13 . 11/29/2012
Have you put this forward for possible publication. Based on the story up to this point, it has a real shot. I am well and truly hooked, and hope to read it fully someday soon. I would buy a copy of this book, and encourage others to do so.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 19 . 1/4/2012
Brutal. Very brutal. I think you managed, really well here, to show his hope, and have it contrast with what's going on. It's like, as a reader, you can tell that things aren't going to turn out right but there's still a part of you that, along with him, is thinking actually, maybe she will be saved. Throughout, you built up the tension really well, in a way that had me right ont he edge of my seat. I can't help but feel that the ending is going to be bleak, that it may end with his death. Amazing stuff, amazing story, as always, and I will be eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
| jj1027 chapter 3 . 1/4/2012
Greeting from The Road House!
A very cool chapter of a very cool story. I read the first few parts of this a while back, and it was very, very thought provoking. I am sorry I took so long to get back to it. I like the character accounts, and how you are using them to help us understand this 'Dreamer' in greater detail. I look forward to reading more.
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 19 . 12/12/2011
Oh boy, an update! I've been looking forward to this ever since the cliff hanger ending for the last chapter! :D
Hmm, so, where do I begin? So much happens in this chapter, and it all took me by surprise! The way you handle David being escorted with the bag over his head was really well done - I like how you mention the movement and how you address the other senses so it really makes the reader feel like they're blind with him. It really creates a sense of tension, too, because I'm just waiting to see what's going to happen and where they're taking him. I was reading every word just to see if I could find any clues about what was going on. Nearing the part where they remove the bag, I had a feeling they were bringing him to some type of execution (especially after the mention of the mob's voices), but I had no idea it wasn't going to be for David!
I thought this chapter did a great job showing the relationship between the authorities and the people. It also brings up a past issue and stirs some emotions in the reader after mentioning the Governor's child died to the fire. It's such a shame that an innocent child had to pay for his parent's choices. This issue could be looked at differently by both sides - on the one hand, the looters should be ashamed of themselves for causing the death of a child. But then on the other hand, there are always going to be casualties during a revolt.
Anyway, I digress. Though we see the Governor as more of a villain by this point, I think what happened to her child helps the reader sympathize with her - and that makes her leave even more of an impression.
But damn, I was really expecting it to be the Dreamer at first up there, not Anna. I couldn't believe it when he saw it was Anna - that was a total mind-fuck, haha. And holy shit, the way she dies... ahhhrrrrhgghg! I love how David focuses on her feet. I think her execution leaves even more of an impact with how she's left there after the rope doesn't snap her neck - such a sick fucking way to kill someone, haha. xD
Holy shit, I wonder what the Dreamer is going to do now. I can't see him just sitting by after this - but who knows? Maybe they did something to him as well. Or maybe he'll bust in all bad-ass like and kill everyone in the next chapter. I really have no idea what's going to happen, so thank you for keeping me on my toes. :)
Wish I could give you some con crit, but I really got sucked into this chapter. The only thing I can think of is maybe near the beginning when David mentions he's handcuffed. Perhaps instead of telling the reader he is, he could mention something about feeling metal around his wrists or his arms twisted into awkward positions and he's unable to move them - something like that. But it's very minor. Whether you decide to go back and revise a lot of this story or not, I'll be excited to see what you come up with.
Looking forward to the next chapter! I must know what happens! :D
| Superslow Jellyfish chapter 16 . 11/20/2011
""Mr. Weiss," I say."
Me: Ooooooooooooo, so um...and, um. "Gregory Weiss' apartment, and I'm quite sure I had never seen him before that moment when we greeted each other." Yeahhhhh, so my crazy theory...
That was a nice convo. No revolucíon here, I see. But Anna clearly equates into the story, and I doubt this could be the last we'll hear from her. No.
I do feel bad for David, being screwed (yet again) around for this. It totally sucks, but hey. If Johnathan had to get his way, might as well bend the rules and bend his powers to get what he wants. I just wonder the limit of his powers, since he did it while David was in another state. So that could mean that Johnathan being locked up is BS and that he can manipulate the world around him, anyway. Like like X-Men doesn't work in this universe you created and I bet it'll be real easy for him to escape in the near future. I just think he's biding his time, to be completely honest.
I hope my rambles make sense. I tend to lose myself when theorizing and hell, this is the second time I'm 100% right with crazy theories. Yayyyy.
So this means that you've utilized the full power of the inaccuracy of 1st person POV. This is why this POV is totally awesome to do in the first place if done right, and obviously, this is the case with this story, since you did multiple and you did get the desired effect on your readers.
| Superslow Jellyfish chapter 15 . 11/20/2011
I know you really want Bite to get reviewed, but I'm OCD and I want to finish this and you're 1st on my list of people I need to review. I'm so sorry it's taken me forever to review you back, RL stuff is just ughh. College...
You have no idea what its like to review fiction again, by the way. Poetry and Nonfiction are *shakes head*
I find this chapter very suspenseful, well, the first half, anyway. If David's actually going to find her or if he's going to get screwed over or beaten up-again- since that's reoccurring. It'd be humorous if it wasn't played for drama.
Interesting how the first thing David notices about Anna is her hair and how tangled and dirty it is, yet nothing helps more than describing hair, since its one of the clearest visualizations the reader might get. Especially:
"It's obvious that she hasn't been caring for herself as much as she should be. Her hair is still the same shade of pale strawberry blonde, but it's longer than I remember, and clearly unwashed and uncombed. It falls, tangled, across her thin shoulders and her delicate face; it's matted and greasy in appearance, far from the silky perfection that she used to groom it to."
-Its this cool intermingling of the past and present that David does, because hair, especially with girls, has this odd history, and yes. Ramble mode.
That "who are you" at the very end is a very effective cliffhanger. Either she's been mindwiped of memories through technology or emotionally speaking through torture or my crazy stream-of-consciousness review from from chapter 11 is right. I may not review things for months, but when I pick up on stories, my memory is beast like that. Which is always awesome.
I forgot how addicting this story was, to be honest. Good thing I'm finishing it today.
| lookingwest chapter 18 . 10/9/2011
Omg, so this just occurred to me as I started reading this chapter and am still trying to figure out what the end might be like for this story-but ahhh, what if David isn't even a real person or something, idk, like the Dreamer created him somehow and put all these memories and all of this stuff in him and he's some sort of projection and WHOA. I have been watching too many X-files. Apologies.
...But seriously this feels so X-files...
"No. You can't let them takeme. They'll kill me!" [Typo there with "take me"]
...I crash to the ground... [This is my nit-pick, but they're inside a facility, right? Should be "floor" instead of "ground"...unless they're outside. I nit-pick at this because when people use it, it always throws me for a loop and makes me unsure of setting, XD]
Wow, heavy chapter here. I really like the mystery and surrealism of the Dreamer. You never know what he's going to do, and I enjoyed how you made him really deny that he can help anything-to say that he'd rather see everyone dead. He takes on a very anti-hero quality that I'm enjoying. In all honesty, I'm kind of more partial to the Dreamer than I am David, haha! I wish we could spend more time with him, but he's very much apart and a part of this story, it's an interesting balance you've struck, I appreciate it.
A suspenseful end, too! Liked how you build up to whether or not the Dreamer will rescue David until the very last lines. Oh! And before I forget, also enjoyed how there was tension of identity in this chapter too. The identity of the Dreamer verses Johnathan. It was a great tension and I liked the foreshadow-I mean, it almost felt like foreshadow...in the sense that the "Dreamer" is trying to destroy the Jonathan-parts of himself that might have belonged to Anna.
Can't wait to see what happens O: I want to know if the Revolution will actually occur, if the Dreamer is wrong-or if he'll actually step up and do something about all this. In the same contrasting vein, it would be fun to see David rise up and take action as well, and almost out-shine the Dreamer in the end, who sat back to do nothing. Can't wait to see what you do with these characters! I'm glad I'm all caught up again, too! Yay!
| Superslow Jellyfish chapter 14 . 10/3/2011
David POV: Kudos to making David appear somewhat loopy/hazed when he woke up in the beginning, I hope that was your intention here.
"Am I still me?"
I like the placement of this statement. David looks at himself physically, and can still see shades of him, but because he's gone through hell and back no thanks to the Dreamer, he's changed a lot both mentally and emotionally. This is a very emotionally draining task and I can see that he's got some development here.
""What this country has become… it sickens me." Well, this is technically 20 minutes into the future. So I can see something falling apart with America. Could it be the Media? They're already bigger than the government, anyway.
Anon POV: he brings up some interesting subjects. So was that hotel lady in on it? Or was she just an unwitting pawn? POVs lie, I should know what. And they're never what they seem. For all we know, this guy could be screwing David over.
What gets me the most was that some in the town knew about this plan of action, yet they're so quick to believe that everything was Johnathan's fault and that they quickly beat the stuffing out of David due to this. Why not blame what I assume is the government as well, since they planned this out from the beginning, or even themselves, since they should pick out their flaws. But this is just me speaking.
I really don't know if I should trust this guy or not...
| lookingwest chapter 17 . 10/1/2011
Loved the first line, great image, liked the use of "rocketing" it's descriptive yet strong at the same time.
Oh, forgot to mention in last review: Also love that the idea of revolution has come back into this story. That's such a heavy idea and I'm really interested to see how it unfolds with the masses. Something heavy is stirring for sure and I love how you've interwoven David to be an important member of it!
...it won't make any difference at all. [Style: would omit "at all"]
Like the language of the car moving through current waters in the traffic, I thought that was a great analogy and the way you carried it over was also richly visual. Also liked the moment when the sign was stuck against the window, there's just so much desperation and despair in this chapter so far, I keep wondering if all is really lost or if all is just beginning, haha.
I thought it was kind of weird the driver decides to just uh, go to sleep during this like, basically riot, so I'm totally with David here, though I'm also not sure that's realistic even if the driver is supposed to be depicted as very eccentric. Like, to prove that he isn't interested or isn't taking it as seriously I would almost rather have seen him pull out a deck of cards or do something like a game, but not sleep, it just seems too much like a bluff to me than something that would actually believably happen.
The moment his driver ditches him-AH D: That was GREAT. Omg I'm so freaked out for him, it's very eerie.
At the end I'm a bit out of sorts because-he can't be going back to Anna's "prison" so he means the Dreamer's, right? Maybe clarify. I have no idea why he would go back to Anna but you never know, could be another ultra-twist, XD. But yeah, love that he's heading back if it's to see Johnathan. I think that would make the most sense. I was thinking for a moment his benefactor was the driver but now I realize that was just a driver, so yeah, you did mention that I just dropped it out of my head, haha!
Anyway, another excellent chapter with well written prose! Love the continuing developments here and I like seeing David in these panic situations, I think that really takes a lot to write and narrate and you do a super-star job at it!
| lookingwest chapter 16 . 10/1/2011
Ugh I'm sorry it's been so long. Doing this as a return review you gave me over a month ago for INSIWB. I hadn't realized you had changed your name! D: Going to catch up with this today (the next review will also be a return) Again, I'm so sorry for the delay I hadn't realized, it's been a long time and I do love this story!
Wooow it's been foreeever since I've read this but I basically just read the entire way through! You have such a talent with prose, really, it's very clear and descriptive and action-packed all at the same time, You do an excellent job balancing all of these things.
I really liked the bit when you find out that Dave's memories are Dreamer's, that was *intense*! I didn't see that coming at all, and connecting it through the upside down clock thing was super creepy as well! XD That twist was just masterfully done, you withheld until just the right moment and you've had this going since Ch. 1, I bet. Just really surprised me. It's also a weird moment with Anna too because like, she all of the sudden doesn't matter as much to David as she did before, and it's a fun drop for the reader too that kind of conflicts whether or not they should care as much as well.
Liked the action sequence of the running and the rescue as well. Ended perfectly, couldn't have seen it done any other day. Appreciated what you were doing here, loved the prose, looking forward to reading onward and seeing how this unfolds, especially now that our Anna is a bit out of the picture.
| Superslow Jellyfish chapter 13 . 9/26/2011
Love that chapter name. I mean, who doesn't want to kick David's ass?
Okay...he DOESN'T get beat up. Instead...there's hauling him to the unknown?
I don't see him as pathetic, really. Not if he's jumping through hoops for all of this. It's almost chivalrous (10 points for Gryiffindor).
Haha, David's "they'll kill me, no-they'll lock me up!" rantings are really amusing.
Oooh. These are his employers!
I wonder why Anna is so special to them? Is it because of her value to Dreamer? I'm assuming it is. Or maybe she's also got some kind of powers.
The plot gets thicker. Now David can play up both sides, if he really wanted. That's a danger, though. Hmm, ally with the government to stop a potential terrorist or ally with a man who can use a ton of magic and could kill you with one stare alone, yet he might as well be the face and force behind a rebellion against a government that may or may not be oppressive.
Hmm, this is a pretty tough call.
So is David going to keep digging his hole to China...or not? That is the question.
| Superslow Jellyfish chapter 12 . 9/26/2011
*small ramble/stream of consciousness that has stayed with me since I don't know...chapter 11*. I was rereading Weiss' POV since something struck me as off with the Anna situation. So Johnathan and Anna met in middle school, since the drawings were presumably about her. But Weiss had no idea who she was, so could have he been like that heroin taking Hot Guy Who Was Portuguese or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish" from Heroes (yes, this is a Family Guy reference built in the Heroes one), and could have been drawing the future. And Anna moved from RI to Jersey, which could have been during high school? David had gone to prom with her, so...I don't know. Something strikes me as either Johnathan and David either went to the same school (David was from Jersey, right? My memory falters) or maybe it's the power of the POV bias, which you've done with many characters, creating a mindscrew, because there are a few things that really don't add up at times.
Good job on that, then!
Is it me, or has David become more...paranoid? If more than need be?
Interesting how Anna has now become the focus of the newscasters now that she's mentioned...
And everything is just so chaotic now, this is the first time we're really seeing the power of Dreamer's influence and how the people are starting to rebel.
Yeah, rebellion's nice and all that, but they crossed a line when it came to injuring a toddler.
I guess David has a reason to be paranoid, since stuff is currently hitting the fan and I guess he wants to be totally inconspicuous.
And then the the men in suits show up. Nope. He might not be as crazy paranoid as I thought he was.
| Superslow Jellyfish chapter 11 . 9/25/2011
David sounds like he had enough. Anna must have really done a number on him in some way or another.
"The girl in his paintings with the bright blue eyes…" Callback to the art teacher, FTW. Glad David remembered, too. I wonder how Dreamer and Anna met?
Finally, it sort of makes sense that David is involved in all of this instead of just some third party member gathering up information. "Admittedly, I was a little sweet on her" Hmm...future love triangle? Oh yeah. That prom statement is going to bring that out. Methinks she's the one that got away.
David: she was *everything* to me
Dreamer: she was my world
Whoa. Lots of questions were answered. Dreamer's really smart (duh) to have somehow tracked David down. So he's his own employer? That's what I'm getting.
David must be totally in love with her if he's willing to sacrifice his life for hers and rescue her from wherever she's at. I like this chapter, it gives the story it's purpose and it shifts the plot 100% in one direction.
Edit: Over the he last few days, including -Over the last few days, including
| Superslow Jellyfish chapter 10 . 9/25/2011
David POV: So he works for the government? Why couldn't I see this possibility earlier?
"they would have known if he had a girl who was that important to him, wouldn't they have?" Well, his art teacher said SOMETHING about a girl. I distinctly remember this.
Wow. You spared no horrifying image from poor Boyd's injuries. Good job with the squick factor, then.
Boyd POV: Aww, poor Dreamer. He really needs that girl. Dependence on someone is bad, unless there is something behind that.
"He told the Dreamer that he had taken his girl, and that he had… well, done all sorts of unpleasant things to her, let's leave it at that." Drunk people are morons. Lat night at 3AM some drunk boy pressed the emergency button on my apartment building and had me and my roommates up for an hour. This messed up my Circadian Rhythm. Some people should never be given alcohol.
And the situation spirals into a fire with many deaths.
I feel awful for Boyd. His wife died...oh, and that information was so graphic and awesome and horrifying. I just kept on reading.
So it was because of the girl...
David POV once more: no wonder he got the stuffings beat out of him, too. Emotions make you do crazy things.
And the girl has a name. Anna. So does she know David or something? Is she a celebrity? Hmm. Now I must keep reading.
| Superslow Jellyfish chapter 9 . 9/25/2011
David POV: No, I don't think he's a coward. He's just never had the bad luck to get into a scuffle...till now, of course.
Why do I have this feeling that David is going to get smacked by a purse with this lady despite all of the promises he's forcing her to make? That would be quite funny, since I am sadistic and all that.
"But I've come this far already. I can't let it be for nothing." This speaks volumes on his character, since he's persistent and isn't the type to just quit. Go David!
That Chick's POV: Aww, a cute couple! This won't end happy! n_n
And it didn't! So WERE those government agents? I don't think this girl would be a spy. I think they wanted information on her. I wonder where she could be.
So this chick MIGHT have been the cause of that fire? It may be, since I can imagine Dreamer going into berserk mode with passion or without someone who could play him off (perhaps she had powers herself, right? Like calming?) or maybe it could be completely different that we have yet to see. There's a lot more to this story than it seems so I'm not jumping to conclusions yet.
No wonder this chick wanted to stay anonymous...