Reviews for Enemy
Jarvis 51 chapter 1 . 10/7/2009
Yeah! new story!

Ok though, seriously.

Its well written just like the last story of yours I read. I don't have anything to say about your style or grammar right now so we'll just have to assume you're perfect and won't let anything go unpunished in later chapters. Just kidding.

Anyway, I like the plot so far. Lots of built up suspense already. I hope you aren't going to spend a lot of time on Laura, it detracts from the story.
xrawritskalix chapter 1 . 10/6/2009
Great story! I'm glad you let me know that you posted it. I have no idea why you weren't in my author's alerts. Maybe you are and I somehow missed the message. I don't know... Anyway, this was a really cool and unique idea. It was so strange. That's not a bad thing either. I like things like that. It was really well written too. Keep up the good work!

~Kali
Barbados chapter 1 . 10/3/2009
Hello! Let's Go!

Hm, where to begin? WIth the general, I suppose. It was engaging and interesting, and you avoided some common pitfalls well in my opinion. The biggest thing to say is: watch your sentence openers. It can be especially difficult to work with sentence openers in a first person view, in my experience. To your credit, it didn't even phase me until the intensity picked up - right about at, "I reached blidning for my rifle, fumbling..." (btw typo on blindly.)

Now, the specific. The names of ships should be in italics. For the most part, you do a great job of setting the tone. There were a couple parts where I felt it slip, and the first was in the first paragrpah where he is talking about the harshness of the environment being harsher than expected. He says 'when I first came here' and it struck me as odd, because he crashed. I would change came to crashed to help keep the tone, but maybe it's just me.

The second one is bigger, but only maybe. It's when he's talking about how the ship wasn't expected at its destination for a week still. Back in the day, when communicating with people on a ship wasn't possible, you had to wait for it to arrive in port to realize something was wrong. On a space faring vessel though, which presumably is in constant communcation (via satellites, radar, all that sort of nifty technology) it seems like that if it suddenly went of the grid, it wouldn't go unnoticed. The 'G' in GPS for them means galactic, not global, ya know? This is sort of coroborated in the next paragraph when he talks about the ships navigational computer. Anyway, I'm not trying to punch holes in your story, just trying to make you aware of something that might cripple it some.

Overall, I enjoyed it, so keep at it.
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