|Reviews for Sketch|
| Hikari no Vikki chapter 4 . 10/18/2009
You remember me don't you? Perhaps I should get an account though. I don't know. Anyway...
Your story seems to have such a surreal feeling to it that I can't place, but I do quite like it. When you mentioned it being a little cliche, perhaps your reviewers were right. Chapter Two... the bully was a little out of place in my mind, but maybe that's why it stood out... hmm.
Maybe, if the bully became something more than just a bully (say, perhaps, one of those runaway nightmares mentioned in that first bit at the very beginning). Think on it. As for Aeris and Lucas... describe how they're feeling a little bit more where they are, like say, for example (again in Ch.2) when she's in detention you could write something like this:
"The desk was wooden, chipped, pen-marked, yet fairly stable to support pressure. As Aeris waited for the assignment she dug her single grown fingernail (for she often bit them down to the quick in nervousness) into one of these ridges as her mind wandered. What exactly was happening to her, and why now, of all times?"
You don't have to use those, exact words, but I think a little more sensory detail might just clear it up enough for the readers. But don't do too much, because then you're simply rambling. :)
Hikari no Vikki
| Estefania Salas chapter 2 . 10/5/2009
i liked it...the plot is good and the characters are amusing. overall i like it.
| Lace-1812 chapter 2 . 10/5/2009
I like this, it's clever and bright. You could definitely get it published, if it keeps up. I'll be waiting for more :)
| a-boy-named-leo chapter 1 . 10/5/2009
This seems like a good beginning. You don't need to change your story, your content is good, but there were a few things that didn't make sense to me. These were the questions that popped into my mind as I was reading through:
Where is this set, that the air would be sweet as a field of flowers and there's a busy street market and rush hour traffic all side-by-side?
If Aeris is so determined and such a hard-worker, why was she set up and introduced as being lazy?
What kind of school does she go to? Most high schools would have already switched to their second period classes an hour into the school day.
If Aeris is athletic, why does she have such a hard time opening the front door of the school?