|Reviews for Red Fields|
| Alice's Pendant chapter 1 . 6/11/2010
Well written! But I didn't like that it was written in present tense. S'pecially since the setting seems quite... remote.
You've got a very interesting plot going on! Got me captured instantly! I suppose a good plot leads to more readers!
| Eiya Weathes chapter 1 . 5/11/2010
I have to agree with one of the reviewers. I think that past tense would be more appropriate for your story.
Other than that, the story and your idea is amazing and pretty interesting. :)
Keep it up. :)
- . . Amethyst Penn :)
| weary writer chapter 1 . 4/29/2010
Dante here with another review.
The concept of the story was pretty good, though it could have been executed better. I knew more about the plot from the summary than the chapter, itself. Maybe you should add more back story about what caused the epidemic and etc, not to mention more on the characters. All I knew were their names, basically.
Also, the tense was a weird mixture. You might just be better off making it in past tense instead, such as "Billy ran towards the smoke plume..." You know?
The dialogue seemed to be a bit formal for a bunch of fourteen year olds, "I miss showers, as well as World of Warcraft." Kids don't really talk like that, usually. A little less formality would work wonders.
Still, nice work. Keep it up, keep it coming.
| Backseat Benediction chapter 1 . 4/28/2010
I didn't really enjoy the tense of the piece, and I think past-tense might work better for it. but, its your choice as author.
anyways, i really enjoyed the dialog of it. you have a good talent for character description and it makes the whole thing interesting. can't wait to read more!
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 4/22/2010
Holy crap! It was like a freaking massacre! and Patti BETTER be alive! She's only seven! T.T. The only suggestion I have is to describe a little more of the child being shot before the little invasion. Besides that, awesome job!
-BC from the RH
P.S. Could you please payback via RFTA? Thanks! :).