So this is the legendary KashMir that you've been talking about, eh, Yuli Ban?
Definitely an interesting story but I can tell that you wrote this when you were much younger and less experienced. I can't wait to see what you do with this!

First of all, thanks for reviewing the second chapter of "Lab Drama" as well. I really appreciate it. I'll be reviewing this chapter as I go, so please excuse the broken thoughts I'll be jotting down here.

"Static Police" - this really caught my eyes, the way "Static" is used as a proper noun. It makes me wonder what it's supposed to symbolize

"modern plasma...laser gun style" - being the science geek that I am, I can't help wonder if they have electron guns for combat as well.

"Kash and Mir..." - this paragraph came as somewhat abrupt, as you were talking about the Static Police earlier. I also think it should be "their lives" rather than "their life". I also think that it should be "nor should it..." rather than " not should it..." Minor typos.

"In fact, you might...keeping your own lifestyle" and "Why should...don't even like their lives" - very confusing sentences. Are you implying that Kash and Mir live in a society where there are these...almost inhuman Static Police guarding the city? And that we may, in ethnocentrism, believe that their lives are mired by misfortune compared to our own? If I'm correct in my assumption, I feel that the first two paragraphs are not strong enough to portray a society that would bring out these ethnocentric thoughts from the readers, and that the suggestions came out as rather...unexpected

"Zen Square", "Kyo Street" "St. Anthony Avenue" - interesting names you decide to give to these place names, mix of Asian and English. Makes me wonder if the name origins would imply something about real-life societies.

"mythical Turquoise City" - "mythical" seems to be a strange word to describe a city, it's as though the narrative is trying to break through the wall separating the story world and the readers by stating, outright, that the setting comes from a myth. Is that the intention?

"...rapid advancements in technology humanity has made in the past century." - interesting perspective. I've wondered if conflict propels or halts technological advances though. With research that has applications to military, it's certainly easier to acquire grants when there is conflict, but with research that has other applications, peace would foster an economy more capable of sustaining the industry.

"calculator guns" - what?

How do Kash and Mir acquire these weapons? Because you said that the technologies are what enable them to be superheroes, I'd guess that they are inaccessible to the general public. You mentioned that their parents genetically-engineered some of their traits - I'd guess that their parents are the mad scientists types?

"the other side" - interesting hook you left at the end of the chapter.

Overall thoughts:

I think the pacing and flow were decent, and it was an easy read. I couldn't help but feel that some of the commentary that referred directly to the readers' thoughts were somewhat distracting. Maybe it would be better to evoke those feelings from the readers rather than make an outright suggestion.

It was an interesting chapter, and maybe I'll read on when I have time. See you then.

- Dexterity

This is a pretty good story... It's too bad you stopped it. It's really not half bad. Sure, it's a bit too close to Sonic the Hedgehog, but it's good. I'd continue it if I were you.

The story was pleasant in a quirky kind of way. The concept of anthropomorphic superheroes, while nothing new, is a bit more refreshing in a near future background. One thing I am a bit confused about is the relationship amongst the various pilots. Are they separate pilots (you said you did many rewrites) or are they chapters of the same story?

Anyways the quality of the story increased with each successive chapter, not that it was bad to start with. Keep up the good work!

Man, I'm very glad, now.

Wow. It's crappiness like this that makes me so glad I stopped writing when I did.

Oh my God... I can't believe how low-quality this story once was. KashMir was REALLY this bad? Man... what was I thinking... Glad I stopped to improve when I did.

A few more.

1- I've heard of the expression 'za'. I've even found it in the dictionary. I do fear that, by 2060- and in this case 2099- it may replace the word pizza. You made it especially believable by using examples, even if they did mildly break the flow of the story.

2- I'm highly curious by the statement- "Even though the two were never taught about the differences between genders (thanks to a lack of parenthood)..." I was expecting Kash to always want to overshadow Mir with male bravado- he seemed the type- BUT if they were never taught gender morals ... THAT is one interesting and unique case. Makes me think Kash thinks there is nothing wrong with hitting girls or Mir ... um... Mir... uh...

Well, what I'm trying to say is they don't understand or comprehend sexism. I don't know is sexism, or racism, will even exist 100 years from now, but it is an interesting thing to think about.

And I have to admit, Tesla really is screwed in the mind.

Forgetting a few things.

Damien sounds like a mentor slash fanboy. He also seems like a comic relief character, but if that's the case, he appeared at the entirely wrong moment.

I believe I have said all that needs to be said. Except one thing- if Mew was in this 'Psychoteque' for months, how come Kash and Mir never met her before?

Amen, I say, Kash and Mir have yet to defeat a single villain!

If you're 15 in 2100, You'll be 20 in 2200.

Two of the most epic lines I have read in KashMir so far.

And not one tense mistake, as well as an improved dialogue.

So this Mew character ... I cannot see where you are going with the plot, but I can probably assume that it may be something good.

Not too bad. You fixed the tense problem. And omoomoshii means ... what?

i im a russian an i theekn tht 2 saye ths is ohffensiev to amy countrys

sory my english is nt complete i am stull lerning you sea

anyhows i lyike yor history and childhood and aldolescens

goodbye

IT'S ME!

Haha, I hope you expected me... because I mean, you were blabbing about it quite a bit. Got me all interested, and for good reason.

First, the nitpicks: as others have said, I don't know if you're using the past/present switcheroos intentionally or not, but I do know that it is wierd. Other than that, not a metric ton to be worried about. Well, you did spell maneuvered wrong in Chapter Two, but that's it.

I like the city; to me, the setting of an OS really contributes. This one really, really fels like a blend of Central City, Gotham City, Coruscant, and Chicago. Ironically, Chicago uhas posed as Gotham City once before. I wanna see the Basement, and I hope it is a really slum-y area packed with your local crooks. Like mass murderers, schizophrenics with powers that make them even more schizo, and two or three manipulating kingpins vying for territory. Love that stuff. "Theme Cities", which were mentioned, also intrigue me. I'm invisioning Casinopolis, for example.

Of course, I'm also getting vibes of "Oh look, we're the best city in the world, but hidden from everyone is the fact that their perfection is just a big lie".

I'm also thinking that the Static Police are intriguing, I'm hoping we see some insight into their operations. They remind me of SWATBots, too.

Mir seems like the more calm and talented of the group, where Kash seems to me more exiteable and rash. I wonder if Jynx will end up being a good guy, or if he'll get torched.

Ah hell, I just wanna see Tarot again. She is quite obviously Russian, and pro-Communist too. Seems very mysterious and cool.

This is the first time I've been this hyped to read a story yet. For you, this could be both good and bad, for I have high expectations.

Looking forward to the next update, Oneavi Iroj.