Reviews for overcast
cab fed hig chapter 1 . 1/17/2011
the summary immediately intrigued me.

this is a pure, perfect example of a romance/fantasy poem.

i love it.

"an overcast smile; it's a mysterious profanity..."

"as you push me through the solar system..."

the force with which you describe this encounter adds to the sensuality, the heat and the general idea of idyllic ultimate romance.

and the ending reminds me of the typical deterioration of a relationship built with bricks of lust.
young and the reckless chapter 1 . 9/20/2010


this is beautiful, ethereal.
fisheye lens chapter 1 . 5/15/2010
Like whoa. Really.
underdramatized chapter 1 . 12/13/2009
Whoa. Loved it.
Mirabella chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
Love this part:

lemon drop thunder storms replinish my smile


as you push me through the solar system on our very own tire swing

i close my eyes, humming to your heartbeat

So beautiful! :)
Whisper on the Lips chapter 1 . 10/18/2009
what a beautifull way to express heartbreak. i love the first line. the imagery you conjur here is great.

my only recomendation: overcast silk smiles it's mysterious smile- i'd say overcast silk grins.. if you do not want the repetion. _

write on!
NineteenxStars chapter 1 . 10/16/2009
this was absolutely perfect and normally i wouldn't be able to stop myself from going through and picking out all of my favorite lines but i really liked it all and it would be a bit much to just copy and paste the entire thing onto here and be like "Yup... i loved it." and point out the half million reasons why. but instead i'll just say that this was probably one of my favorite poems i've read on here. your use of language is phenomenal.

Keep on writing!

room with a view chapter 1 . 10/16/2009
I love this.

"lemon drop thunder storms replinish my smile..."

evm chapter 1 . 10/12/2009
I really enjoyed this, but I think you might need to re-work the last stanza. You have such great concrete images, and you really avoid some cliches, which is great, but I think the last stanza isn't up to standard with the rest of this great poem.

"overcast silk smiles" is amazing, but then you repeat "smiles" in the same line, and "mysterious smile" is really vague, and also a little bit overused (as in Mona Lisa). Also, "broken glass" is not quite up to par with the rest of your stronger language. Try to be as specific as possible always, and don't be afraid to be real and write in what actually happened.

I love your descriptions of "lemon drop thunderstorms" and "our very own tire swing." And honestly, "we dive beneath Central Park" and "overcast silk smiles" is what made the poem for me.

Happy revising!
Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 10/11/2009
Oh my god, this was wonderful!

"humming to your heartbeat" how adorable.

"we dive beneath central park into the deepest skyline inspirations" amazing imagery.

"but all you do is walk on by, without one backwards glance" devastating ending but so awesome.

Very well written.

Adding to favorites, for sure :)
i collect lullabies chapter 1 . 10/10/2009
absolutely wonderful. i loved it by the first line. :)
tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 10/10/2009
wow, i'm almost speechless right now! this was completely beautiful and so profound, your best piece i have to say.