Wow, amazing story- I absolutely loved this story too. I'm going to check out more stories they all seem so good.

I have mixed feelings about how this ended. I like the way he came to find her on the plane. But that was very unrealistic in today's times. With all of the extra security there is no way that he would have been allowed to board without a ticket. Yes I know that this is fiction but that just takes away from the story.

Also, there was no resolution as to what if anything went on with him and the girl from the bar the night before. Even if nothing happened you would think that they would at least talk about it. Can't imagine Abby not wanting to do.

I thought it was cute that their two girls had names that began with the letter A.

In one section you called Danielle "Julia."

I have mixed feelings about Abby and James being together. While it is obvious that neither Abby nor Michael had strong feelings for each other, I don't care for how James acted in this chapter. He took another woman to his room - was doing whatever with her and then came downstairs naked and was hitting on Abby - that's disgusting.

I can't imagine anyone wanting to be with a man who only minutes before was with another woman.

And Danielle is nasty. Yes she still loves Michael but her paying James to seduce Abby was not very nice. At that point she didn't know whether or not Abby and Michael were in love and she didn't care.

And why doesn't James remember Abby's name? That isn't very flattering to her.

Just found this. The story has a lot of potential.

Your grammar is a bit "off."

One thing that doesn't make any sense and you haven't explained is why is Danielle with them. She and Michael broke up so why is she staying with them? I am also surprised that Abby doesn't ask what Danielle is doing there. You can't just say that she is one of his friends. She jilted him at the altar. Even if she is an old friend she wouldn't be someone he would have staying with him - doesn't make any sense.

I don't know if Abby and Michael have slept together yet. But if they did, her having a relationship with James is "yucky." Can't imagine James knowing that his girlfriend slept with his brother or vice versa.

I think this story really has potential, but the writing style is a bit difficult to read sometimes.

I think it would be better if it was less like spoken language. For example:

- "Inside the airport she stood at baggage claim waiting for her…well bags."

I wouldn't add the "... well bags" that is something you can say, but it doesn't read well.

- "She felt the vibrations from under her seat until the plane stopped. She peeked and saw lots of people exiting their seats. She opened both her eyes fully and let out a big sigh of relief. She quickly unfastened her seat belt and reached for her bag in the top compartment. She rushed past people to get out as quickly as she could. She looked as if she was about to hyperventilate if she didn't get out soon. She finally exited the plane and breathed in the cold wintry air. "

This feels to much like a summary: She... She... She... She...

Also: wouldn't it be "She felt like she was going to hyperventilate if she didn't get out soon"

- "It was Michael Valentine, Abigail's current boyfriend, who has been dating each other for about two months. He gently gives her a peck on her cheek and smiles at her. "

You switch from past to present tense.

I don't want to look like I am burning your story or your writing, I just hope to help you get better! :)

Perhaps using a beta is a good idea?

i loved it update soon please

Ooh, this is really good! Really wanting James and Abby to hook up but I'm willing to wait :D

Hope Abby's okay...

There are some grammatical errors and you need to watch your tenses (you keep skipping between past and present). Other than that, good job and solid plot! :)

this is is good.

keep going!

Good story. I think that James is an interesting character. I hope you post a new chapter some time in the near future.

:)

This is good.

Its kind of hard to understand what your saying.

For example,“You could say that. It’s just the plunging head first that gets me” Abigail replied. “Didn’t you take any sleeping pills? It used to help me.”

The Grandma was saying that last sentence and I had to read it like 7 times b4 i got it.

It's good besides that.

So kep going.

Interesting start to the story. Good intro to the characters.