|Reviews for It's Raining Outside|
| Grains and Oats chapter 1 . 10/25/2009
Flow: This flowed really well in the beginning stanza, but towards the end of the second stanza it really fell apart to me. The structure seems to completely change, and maybe that was the intention, but it didn't seem to work very well for this. The third stanza was the worst, flow-wise. It might have been the sharp transition from lilting and lengthy to short and brittle, though. It was kind of a shock.
Descriptions: That being said, I still really liked the descriptions you used, especially talking about the sky and the moon.
"The moon has never seemed so dull,
standing besides your half lidded eyes."
These lines really stood out to me. The imagery in them is beautiful, and paints the perfect picture to go along with the piece.
Word choice: There wasn't too much variety in this, but I think it worked well. The poem's rather simple, and the simple word choice really brought it all together. If there had been more...unique words, I suppose you could say, then it would've been foggy and too complicated.
Other: Besides previous things I pointed out, I like this piece. It hooked me from the first line and even though I struggled in some places, it kept me reading to the end. The only thing I can say regarding changing any lines would be on the following:
"But that feels...really good."
I would suggest changing it to "But that feels really...good." just because it adds more suspense to the final line of the poem. Other than that, good read.
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 10/18/2009
I like how introverted this is, or at least that’s how it felt to me. You describe a relationship yet, it felt more like a one-person-show of a relationship. You weren’t telling it in the here and now sense, but going back through memory, which creates a very retrospective, and intimate look at the character/narrator. I really liked the play on words with dirty-blond. It was clever, and humorous at the same time (in a good way of course). Honestly when I read the first part ‘dirty’ I was like ‘huh?’ because it sounded so odd in my head, but the way that you finished that thought was perfect, it was all in a millisecond from one verse to the next, so it kept me thinking.
I also liked all of the pop culture references in this. It made the piece feel fresh and young. Well, after reading it one more time, I see there was only real reference that I’m referring to: ‘how do you like me now?’ it seems like such a catch-phrase that people say nowadays. It felt relevant. Nice job overall.
| GoneAndDeleted chapter 1 . 10/17/2009
I like how you worded flowed and connected together well plus the whole thing has a soft feeling towards way you described it softened the feel because of your descriptive words like 'hushed' or 'aquamarine'.It reminds me of calmness.
Good job (: I love your originality.
| 3M2R chapter 1 . 10/16/2009
To me, this poem holds some kind of sarcasm. I'm not very good with expressing myself in sentences. Sounds rather depressed, "The moon has never seemed so dull". Somehow the "love" mentioned in the poem seems to have wanned as the story progressed. I don't know whether I'm sad or happy after reading this. The last line, "but that feels...really good." really twists the whole poem around, from sorrow to an ironic smile. I doubt you can really understand what I meant lol. I jump around too much when I try to express myself in sentences. Sorry about it, but this is not bad a poem.
| ThatEmKid chapter 1 . 10/14/2009
This piece is beautiful because the word structure you used was really good, and the words were flowing really easily.
I loved all of the poem except for the second verse, as I think it kinda strayed from the content, peaceful feel of the poem. Aside from that the poem was really good :)
| in theory chapter 1 . 10/12/2009
I was refreshed by how you did not use the moon to describe the eyes directly, nor resort to a simile either. It's weird, you kind of presenting the metaphor in a way that I don't know of any technical term for. Just saying...look, there's the moon, and these are the eyes. But it was still poetic, I loved that.
I also loved your formatting, the way you split dirty-blonde and then added, I mean; it warped the meaning, forcing the reader to reconsider what they assumed to understand thus far. A criticism would be those final three lines seemed to lack the almost vacant, effortlessly poetic feel of the rest of it. They feel almost a bit plonked, like you felt you had to finish aroundabout now but then you lost your way as you were writing it. This is just how I felt, reading it.
Nice job though :D
| The Lucy Program chapter 1 . 10/12/2009
I absolutely love your originality here. You take a new spin on things, which makes for a fresh and enjoyable read. Your imagery is simple, and simply wonderful, I must say. "when the sky turns aquamarine", and "the moon has never seemed so dull" were extremely powerful in presenting to me a clear picture of what you are trying to say. It's almost subtle, and you don't waste a lot of words. I love it. :] Your ending is superb as well. Leaves me with a crooked grin, and I absolutely know that it is an ending. It sure feels like one. :) Amazing work.
| Isca chapter 1 . 10/12/2009
"Hushed breaths." I adore this opening-it's so gentle and erotic. The romance here isn't crude in any way-it's tender, almost in a sacred way.
"Our souls drift downstairs." I really like the imagery here. It reminded me of my childhood days when I used to think that every creak or random noise in the house at night meant that a ghost was walking around.
"Your hair is so sirty - blonde, I mean." Nice wordplay. I like the idea that 'dirty' alludes to this person's hair being 'soiled' in some way (perhaps in a religious way - as in, this person's hair isn't 'pure' blonde, it's 'dirty' blonde). It's interesting to think of this person's hair colour in terms of their moral purity.
"The turtles were laughing." What a great little line-it's adorable and nouveau. :)
(The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix)