Pretty good start... Pretty good! It's interesting.

Fantastic chapter :) I can't wait to read more and meet the daughter.

Im intrigued I just hope the chapters get longer...

Very well written- I see potential in this one! Can't wait to meet the daughter but be warned: it is easy to turn her into the Disney princess of the century or the girl with the nastiest attitude. Its hard to not Mary-Sue characters! Overall, nicely done!

I like this a lot! It sounds like it's going to be an interesting story. I just caught a few things on here that are mistakes. Little things that aren't major.

When it said, "This man must be joking, He though, he can not be serious," though should be thought.

In the next paragraph it said, "Nathaniel could feel himself tense as he realised this man was not joking." Realised should be spelled, Realized.

That's the only advice I've got. I look forward to reading more of this.

This is great! Everyone has to start somewhere and this is a really good idea for a story :) i can't wait to read more.

hi, this story sounds exciting and i hope you do well with it. I'll keep reading. I only saw one typo: in the second to last line, you said "what is the prize OG this apparently thrilling game" the og should be of... nothing major. just look over your word extra carefully. i give you a lot of credit for writing in your second language. i only know one language! so good job and can't wait to see how this story turns out!

~*~HGS~*~

It's an interesting thought. Welcome to fictionpress by the way. :D It sounds like a good idea. Keep it up! :D