This is zhuli from China. We Wholesale also accept Drop Shipping Brand Super A Shoes, Shirts/T-Shirts,Jackets,Hoodies,Jeans, Handbags, Sunglasses. Use Safest and Fastest Shipping, Shipping cost is free. For more information, please feel free to contact me :

welcome to our website is :

I'm sad that Mongrel is on hiatus, but I like this one as well. Isabella interests me, definitely. And I really like your names. It's a really good way to start a story, diving right into the action. I wish there were more chapters.

I've a couple of things to point out.

'Simon hated being inside the embassy almost as much him, but Simon never even received an invitation' - I think that you might want to use a different word for Simon the second time. (maybe newblood)

vampirekind - This might look better with a dash or a space inbetween. (maybe it's a typo?)

Anyways, keep up your great writing.

~Ember

This chapter is really great.

Your writing is suspenseful and perfect at the same time. No errors whatsoever.

Are you going to continue?

Happy Writing,

Alex

It's so fun that you're starting a new story! Once again, your description is vivid and mesmerizing. I love how I can see everything that is happening and hear every character speaking. I like Xekial...I always enjoy a vampire story, especially one about "good" vampires. I'm curious to find see more of his relationship with Simon.

The whole way throughout this piece you do a wonderful job of building suspense: What's behind the red door? What does this council want with Xeke? Who is Ashland? Will we see more of Isabella?

One part that I want to know some more about would be what exactly is entailed with the "enslaving humans"? Is it turning them all into vampires or showing them vampires exist to make them live in fear? Not quite sure. Can't wait to read more!

This looks so good! I can't wait to see what else happens! I'm such a vampire story junkie, but most of the ones on here are poorly written cliche's, this one has a lot of promise! Keep up the great work!

Hm, wait a moment...some of tese characters seem familiar...oh wait, that's right. lol. But no, i like where this is going, it sounds cool. i don't usually read vampire fiction, as vampires are not my for-tey (I know i spelled that wrong.) though i've been told i'm good at playing an evil one. Can't wait for more

I'm already really drawn into this story. I really like the characters (although I have yet to meet the hunter) and I like the plot so far. I am looking forward to the next chapter! I love your stories :)

Your beginning was very strong and definitely intrigued me. Your characters are wonderfully introduced, and I love the fact that for something that was very long; there was still a lot of description, and development.

In your second paragraph when you say "I took another reluctant step into the marble floor..." did you mean "onto?" When read it just comes across as though she is going into the floor, rather than stepping across it.

I see that in most if not a good portion of your sentences have commas in it. I'm not to keen on punctuation but it made some parts hard to read with the continuous breaks. I would suggest reading it out loud and seeing if you can lose some of them or something. Other then that I found this chapter to be wonderfully written and the cliffhanger is a very rude move to do, but I am very excited to see where this goes.

-Kaiyora