|Reviews for Happily Never After Endings|
| Raingypsy chapter 1 . 11/29/2009
Hey. I really enjoyed reading this despite it wasn't the typical happily ever after ending.
Nice Work :)
| WutNow chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
Here from Roadhouse!
I thought the idea of fairytales ending tragically (or sad) is a really good idea. The prince not being able to save the princess, the princess' love not returned the prince, all that kind of stuff haha.
I thought it was kinda cute (though sad). However, the commas were really kind... um, I don't think you need so much of them at least. Just saying
Keep up the good work
If you have time please review Chapter THREE of my story Heart to Heart! Plz and Thank you!
P.S- This will be in chapters right?
| RainbowNightmares chapter 1 . 10/25/2009
| Guacamole chapter 1 . 10/25/2009
Hey I really like the idea of these short story sad-happy endings. Poor girl, even after spending so much time with him he just thought of her as a friend. I want to keep reading this, so I'll be keeping an eye out for a future update!
| ranDUMM chapter 1 . 10/24/2009
This was... it was written well, but I didn't like the concept, mainly because all my childhood fantasies were that everything would end happily, and even know I live by the notion that dreams come true. However, your story presented some very true points. And very well written, great work! :D:D:D:D
| A Silence in Winter chapter 1 . 10/22/2009
Oh... I adore stories like this. I have to agree with your authors note because, yes, many stories on FP end up with the princess wrapped around the prince's arm. And life isn't always like that. ): More often than not it seems like your prince is romancing someone else while the tears streaming down your cheeks are smudging your make-up. Realism is something that I would love to see more of and you have captured it well in this beautiful and ultimately graceful depiction.
First of all, the little poem at the beginning was a nice little prelude to the body of the story. I know these are shorts, but the poem kind of gave us a taste of what we were about to receive. :)
Real quick, I just want to mention some grammatical things. They're quick fixes and, actually, rather nitpicky on my part. .;;
"...one of the girls
that used to believe in fairy tale endings and
that believed that my prince would eventually
come." - I feel like that is overused in this sentence. I'm sure there is a way to rephrase and/or substitute another word there.
"We met each other when we both arrived at the ball, both being 13 at the time." - I'd make this two sentences and change the second so it wouldn't be a fragment.
"I agreed with him, to dance, because his beautiful emerald eyes begged me." - This sounds choppy to me... Again, I get the gist of what you're saying, it could simply use a rephrase.
"We both got to know each other allot better." - One L, m'dear. :) That's the only thing I see wrong with this sentence.
And now... Back to your brilliance. :D
The title was what really drew me in. I found this story on Roadhouse and I just adored the promise it displayed. Lo and behold, I was certainly not disappointed. As I said above, it's so refreshing to see a story that shows us a little bit of realism. The unique thing about this story is that it incorporates fantasy which is supposed to be perfect. It's a clever little ploy that I find utterly fascinating.
This poor princess truly sounds like she has lost all hope. But then again, that is what happens when you have your heart shattered into a hundred and two tiny pieces. ): She just needs someone to come along with a box of band-aids and patch her up! ...But again, that might never happen. Urgh, life is a bitch. Dx
I could really anticipate the ending. I was mad at Philip before Wilhelmina even tried to kiss him because I just KNEW he was gonna be a big jerk and blow her off. I feel so bad for her... I remember being the girl who had her heart shattered because a boy didn't love me like I did him... :/ G'naw...
A couple of lines I picked out...
"Even now his name still sends a shiver down my throat." - This line was very animalistic. It just... captured me in a way that I can't really explain. :3 Your use of vocabulary captured me. It was beautiful in the same way that chocolate and lust are.
"You're living in a fantasy." - This last line was just a hook-line-and-sinker catch! This just made me fall head over heels for this story. If you aren't going to end your stories with bunnies and flowers and rainbows, you want your endings to be full of pizzazz. This one surely was.
I can't wait for the next installment. I hope you get inspired soon. :) -Leigh
| Frayling0 chapter 1 . 10/22/2009
I like this very much! :D You packed it with enough emotion, and the ending was really uncliched, sad and powerful. Yer there are a few comma errors are like other people said, but I'm guilty of that in my stories so I can't say much XD. Overall, awesome story. I look forward to seeing some more sad love stories :) Luke
| xenolith chapter 1 . 10/20/2009
In from the roadhouse. Concur about the commas, some are just unecessary. Why don't you try reading it aloud with and without the tiny pause, and see how it sounds. It might just be a personal preference, but I think sometimes less is better?
This is all constructive btw. Now onto the fun part! I'm all with you about the sad fairytales thing. I loved your last line, that's so true. And it was a powerful, sad ending. Good job with this, keep up the writing. I'll be interested in what you post next!
| Devil's Playground chapter 1 . 10/19/2009
Ooh, sad fairy tales - I love it! I absolutely love sad love stories. I'm in total agreement with you - perfect happy endings suck in literature and never really happen. BITTER GIRLS UNITE!
No, kidding. But, yeah, I really liked the idea of this story. It did a decent job of conveying emotion despite the shortness, although I think you could add more. Maybe some more details/sensory images about them dancing could help draw the reader in.
There were a bunch of conventional errors. I won't nag because you said you're not interested in feedback on that, but one thing you should definitely watch is unneccessary commas. A good way to fix that is to read it out loud; you place commas at the place where you intend for a pause, and if there's no pause, there's no need for a comma.
I'm interested in reading more of this, it's a very unique idea!
| ADSpencer chapter 1 . 10/19/2009
I like the idea of the sad fairy tale endings. Very interesting, original way of using fairy tales for inspiration. I can't wait to see where you go with this story/series of stories? Sounds like a lot fun :D
| ephemeral dance chapter 1 . 10/19/2009
Oh, I really like the idea of sad fairytales. Even though I think lots of people find comfort in those happy cliches, it's still nice to have a reminder of how harsh reality is. Seeing a pretty princess be rejected by someone she loves is rare, indeed.
You had a few unnecessary commas here and there. I really hate bogging down reviews with that kind of stuff because it just ends up being annoying, but here are a few I spotted...
[Have you ever noticed how, the prince and the princess...] That comma can be done away with.
[My fairy tale, did not end happy at all...]
X3 Good job on this!
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 10/19/2009
Herro there from The Roadhouse. Hope that you still remember me. :) Anyway, this is actually a good piece of work from you. To be very frank it's very rare to see a sad romance fic based on fairy tale interpretation. Just a note though. I believe that the starting of the chapter was a poem. If so and you decide to do it for every chapter, I suggest you try to do the correct text formating. Seeing the starting poem made me feel that I'm not reading one because of the flow of the text. It's like the spacing was the typical poetry format, but the way you start and end each line definitely wasn't the same, so look out here unless it's a case of uploading problem, in which this case I can understand.
As for the main story, well I think you could have make it even more sad. Like how both parties love each other only to be separated for good via some random political marriage. Or maybe you can do a scene where the guy wasn't serious about love and keep on two timing. Maybe you've got those ideas planned for the future chapters, but what I'm saying is that a rejection may not be a bad thing if the person decided to see things that way. In fact, a rejection on the grounds that being friends would be better can actually pave away to another kind of happiness. Of course the issue of happiness is more subjective than anything else, but what I'm saying is that the way the hurt came about here wasn't actually strong enough to make the reader feel sad for the character. So yeah, this is something you need to notice.
Of course I'm not telling you what to write, but all these things I've said was meant as a form of advice and I believe it will do you good if you can actually think about what I've said. Sorry if I sound mean here. I think I did the same thing in your Little Dead Riding Hood as well. To be frank I'm not very good in phrasing criticisms and corrections. So hopefully you don't hold the way I talk against me. I
P.S: New chapter of The Eternal Grail up now. Hope to see your review for it soon. :)
Add P.S: I think you've owed me more than one review, so I hope you can pay everything back via my other works. :)
-From The Roadhouse