This seems like a very solid start for a story, if I do say so myself. It introduces the characters, gives a rough overview of the world, gives the reader a few questions they want answers to, and all together sets things up nicely. I'm interested in what's going to happen.

One important thing, though, and I know that I'm far from one to talk, but the story seems to be rushing itself already. I almost get the feeling that it should all be stretched out and given time to really breathe. Also, it feels like there should be some sort of... something... between the scene at the bar and the one at the Waiting Room. It just felt like a hasty transition to me, but then again that was just my first impression.

Overall, a very interesting story that I plan on coming back to. Keep it up, and good luck on NaNoWriMo. I write way to inconsistently to even try and tackle that. I'll be rooting for you.