|Reviews for Mistress Fog|
| mousegirl05 chapter 1 . 9/1/2010
A negative review, eh? Try this on for size: .~
The imagery was far too pretty, and offered a dream-like atmosphere that was excessively enjoyable. The fact that you had characters like 'fog' and 'light' in the fore of the work and dancing? Haven't you heard that creativity is out? Writing is supposed to be mundane and unimaginative. Furthermore, writing should never summon such a beautiful picture such as the merging of playful mist and music. Work on that.
My one [real] criticism would actually be as to the observer/speaker. In such a short piece it is difficult, but feeling so distant from the speaker makes it challenging to immerse completely in the work itself. I feel (and this is opinion mind you) that if there had been a defined speaker—a girl waiting for a bus on a cool morning, an old man on his way to visit his wife's grave, an alien come down to abduct so and so, etc.—this would permit a more 'realistic' feel and greater attachment to the work as a whole.
I hope that it was clear that the first bulk paragraph was written in that format as in a joking manner. .~ Of course, I'm no expert by any stretch so take everything I say with a grain of salt. Cheers!
| jake Chan chapter 1 . 1/6/2010
Hm. I like the idea behind this- the idea of 'Lady Fog', but I found it difficult to read. First, because it keeps switching between past and present tense(Glancing up, I sigh, etc.) and also because your descriptions aren't very clear. I did love how poetically you described Fog's interaction with the light, but I just couldn't get the analogies to create clear images in my mind. I can see the woman, but when I try to compare her with my mental images of foggy roads, the comparisons are lost. I hope I'm making sense.
"I could almost see Fog's smile, peacefully excited as she wrapped tendrils of light around her long, icy fingers, letting it reach up and tangle in her tresses." is a beautiful description though, I love it.
I'm also a little confused about that the narrator's doing. Walking? Standing outside his/her house? That's also unclear- though maybe that was your intention; to not distract from the main subject of Fog.
Overall, you certainly don't suck(though I appreciate your humility!)!
| hoallyhoo123 chapter 1 . 10/19/2009
i think you said fog too much but it's really good
| bellamella chapter 1 . 10/19/2009
i'm not going to write a negative reveiw because that was amazing!
i'm jelous and i'm reading your other stories...