|Reviews for Older Magic|
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
Love this because you were able to use the "you" speaker in a wonderful way, I always enjoy reading poems that can speak directly to me, and I like what you have to tell us, the readers, and convince us in so many images and words that there is in fact, an older magic. I also love again, your beautiful way of handling the literary device. "when you kiss them you can taste"-you have a great way of using metaphor to cover all of the senses in a way that's very clever and smooth. Beautiful language here!
from the review marathon (link in my profile)
| Nyx07 chapter 1 . 12/23/2009
Wow, you've written so much! And it's so good! You really have talent for writing-keep up the great work! :)
P.S. Do you think you could maybe read some of my works and give me some input? Please?
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 12/18/2009
In the first two lines you use then when it should be be than. Same in the lines in the second to last stanza.
"and loose change in our pockets,"...lose
"where you’re fingernails used to be,"...your
I like how you use a bit of repetition to tie the beginning and the end together. That worked nicely. As always your images are absolutely beautiful. I love the part about your eyelids.
PS Join the Review Marathon this weekend (link in my profile)
| in theory chapter 1 . 11/12/2009
I loved how you described penury/poverty as magical, in the same vein as poetry. It's odd because we as a species invented both, and they're usually thought of as mutually exclusive of each other but to pair them is interesting.
I feel this piece is very primal, the lack of specific structure or noticeable rhymes bolsters this. It just...is. It's like you haven't built anything, you're just showing the reader the raw materials and whispering instructions in a foreign language. The images you present are as always, unique and precise.
| Isca chapter 1 . 10/24/2009
"This serenading of soft sisters." How sweetly alliterative.
"Older then." 'Then' should be 'than.'
"Wood smoke tastes." I love this line - it reminds me of the smell of autumn.
"The languid-luster of girl-flesh." This line is quite delectable.
| vitriolicvermilion chapter 1 . 10/22/2009
Love love love the imagery. Every line just jumped straight off the page. I especially loved the line about your eyes turning into seashells and kissing them to taste the sea. That was beautiful.
There were a few grammar mistakes...a few places where you said "then" when it should be "than" ( ’s an older magic then language) and one place where you said you're and it should've been your. (There are glittering pearls where you’re fingernails used to be,)
I adore the poem, while there are some minor mistakes, the language, syntax, imagery, everything is just amazing. Lovely job (:
| Brenda Agaro chapter 1 . 10/22/2009
Just to let you know, "then" (in the summary and in the poem) should be "than."
Overall, a very good poem. Captivating imagery. :-)
| MallowsWins chapter 1 . 10/22/2009
I get a really strong sense of metamorphosis from this piece. It seems to comment on the nature of growing up, or at least looking back towards the past and reflecting on the changes. For me, it really personified the experience of accepting adulthood, but then it's nearly 4am and maybe I'm reading it backwards.
I loved your descriptions, particularity the line
have morphed into seashells,
when you kiss them you can taste the ocean,
hear the battering scuttle of a girl who never learned to run.'
That was what really got me, I think. I also think I'll always be jealous of your vocabulary, but that's neither here nor there.
Amazing work, as always.
| Around.about chapter 1 . 10/21/2009
I enjoyed the marine imagery in the fifth stanza. This piece seems a tad short, it's seems to have fizzled just as it was making it's impression upon the reader.
I'm curious as to the significance of "Mcgilvra," though it does seem unimportant to the poem itself, I can't help but feel i'm missing something.
Keep up the good work!