Reviews for Sorry Afflictions
PyroTech chapter 2 . 2/8/2010
interesting. I shall go do my homework and then come back and read the rest.
Brenda Agaro chapter 6 . 12/22/2009
Finally got the chance to read the rest of this story! XD

Overall, I like this. You did a good job with imagery and characterization. And I like how you ended it. I thought chapter five was well written. The flashbacks didn't drag on. It didn't feel unnecessary. You actually fleshed out the story more. There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing major. You are talented and I'll be sure to check out your other work when I get the chance. :D
Melissa Norvell chapter 6 . 12/8/2009
What an emotional and sorrowful end, and yet, it was filled with a wonderful kind of hope for the pair. This was truly a joy reading and I loved every bit of it. I would surely recommend this story to anyone who ever wanted a recommendation for a good vampire story.

I do not say it often, but this is by far, one of the better vampire stories here on Fictionpress and it was an honor to read it.

Good luck in your further projects. I will be watching you for new stories in the future.
Melissa Norvell chapter 5 . 12/8/2009
I had actually read this before but I guess FictionPress didn't like my review and ate it. Ah, dreaded flashbacks, I've never liked writing them but sadly characters remember things that explain the story and you find yourself going 'ugh, not again'. XD

However, this was a wonderful chapter and a great explanation of the events of the past between Augustine and Kenny. Augustine is actually one of my favorite characters in this little piece.

Now, I shall read your final chapter.
Palm Tree chapter 6 . 12/6/2009
GWAH~! KENNY~! An then lil' Araku-muffin-baby-munchkin-luff! ;o; Only... not... Araku... -cough-

My god, it was so beautiful that I'm now insanely mad at you for not just basking in your own glory and for saying that you won't get published because you totally should because you're way more talented than some people that have! (Yes, I'm calling you out, Meyer!) But, anyway, I loved how you presented Kenny's death, from the very decision to the actual event and how it affected Jill and Augstine. I'm so honored to have inspired Jill and Zen's return since I really do think they make a rather realistic couple and thus a wonderful addition to the cast. I can't help but think that at the very least perhaps Kenny finally got his release and, oddly enough, me being me, I like to think that he's with his family as a small child again up in the clouds and everything's full of love and sunlight and powder puffs. 8'D I still think that the ending-ending should have been a separate epilogue but it was all so great nonetheless. Poor Augstine... and then, like I said before, Araku! *o*

I'm sad that it's over because it was exactly my cup of tea but I'm so glad that you finished it and VERY much honored to be recommended at it's end! Ah-MAZING work, AL! I'll be looking forward to your next for sure! :3
Melissa Norvell chapter 4 . 12/6/2009
Wonderful chapter! I love the fear and emotion that you put into several of the characters. I was right, I sadly like Augustine. He's probably my favorite character, even if he caused Kenny a lot of pain.

I've got to feel sorry for poor Kenny by the end of his chapter. He was such a train wreck.
Rayne S. Wolf not online chapter 5 . 12/6/2009
- once again, awesome job!
Melissa Norvell chapter 3 . 12/6/2009
Things are definitely building up between the three of them. I'm interested in finding out more about Augustine. He sounds like a character I would really like, in fact, I like him already for some strange reason.

This whole chapter was simply wonderful. I plan on trying to read this whole story today, since you recently finished it. My reviews will be slow but there nonetheless. Now, I will go and read the next chapter after I post one for my own story.
Luna the wolf dancer chapter 6 . 12/6/2009
*-* OH MY GOD! THANK YOU FOR THE SHOUT OUT!
Melissa Norvell chapter 2 . 12/6/2009
I had actually read this chapter before but I didn't review it so I reread it again. Yes there are errors here but they aren't large ones. Nothing that a good edit sweep couldn't clear. I really like the end of this chapter, the last line was very chilling and both Kenny and James are very interesting characters. I have a feeling that I'm going to like where this goes.
Palm Tree chapter 5 . 12/4/2009
Whew! Finally! It took me a while to realize, and now I want to mention that I like what you did with your chapter titles. It’s effective, unique, and creative so congratulations on that. 8] Anyway, on to the actual chapter:

You may hate flashbacks but you utilized them wonderfully and, although I doubt much weight can be put on this comment due to the spoilers I’ve received, I understood it all perfectly. Everything came together as it should and the end just summed it up and reintroduced the present. You portrayed Augustine’s manipulation of Kenny in a way that I understood both his take as well as his victim’s. Aside from circling back to the present, you also circled back to the prologue and I thought that was a nice touch on top of everything else. I love Amy! Of course I adored the writing, wordy, descriptive, and deep as it was. The only thing I can mention as far as the information given is that I wonder if perhaps more details will be given to the James aspect of the story? I’m not sure but I wonder if that would be missed by those who weren’t outright told the events preceding this? But that’s all. My favorite scene has to be the perilous moment where Kenny chose to ask of love, so naïve and trusting he was! GAH! . Evil uncles/men! Again, every time. Every time I read this it assaults my heartstrings and makes me want to follow close behind your angst ridden footsteps. Despite his being a SOB, I actually think I’m most drawn to Augustine, him being so calculating and fond of elaborate plans. X3 All in all, the chapter was fabulous and, of course, I cannot wait for the next!
Brenda Agaro chapter 3 . 11/22/2009
I like how you conveyed emotions and show what's happening in this chapter. Yeah, the pacing is a bit fast, but I can understand that this is your first story and you intend it to be short (a novella or a short story in parts?).

Overall, I enjoyed it. Good interaction. :-)

-*-

Corrections/Feedback:

{Images, sounds, and a seeping pain washed through him, the glamour had burst,} I think there could be a semi-colon after "him."

{‘You are weak’ his eyes seemed to say as he glared at Kenny, he was surrounded by weaklings!} A comma after "weak."

{it would tear him apart it he did.} if he did.

{“Darling, but its lunch time!} it's.

{More blood tears thickly coated his cheeks as he silently cursed the corruption that had befallen both he and James.} "blood tears" sounded out of place. Maybe it could be reworded to something like "blood and tears"?
NeonBursts chapter 1 . 11/8/2009
Wow, hey. This was written really good. I loved the senses that were written into the story.

Kinda ironic that I should find you comenting on my stuff as I on yours.
Palm Tree chapter 3 . 11/7/2009
There were a lot of typos through the chapter (ex. ("... and uncle’s presence though[through] all of his life.") ("... his low voice rumbling through little James’ petit[petite (because English only stole the feminine form from French)] body...") ("... he wasn’t sure that[what] Augustine meant by being free...") ("... it would tear him apart it[if] he did.")), an unnecessary apostrophe ("James’ couldn’t decide what emotion to display first...") as well as a missing apostrophe ("Kenny’s red eyes widened as the other vampire dropped James['s] limp body..."), and a missing comma ("... but the boy recoiled from the creature’s clawed hand[,] gasping and tightly clenching his eyes."). Also, at one point I believe the tense faltered ("Deep brown eyes had watched as Kenny ventured toward him, wide and blank, but spellbind[spellbound]..."), but that’s all I saw.

Starting off, AH! Thank you so, so much for the fabulous mention, m’dear! I feel so honored and special to have received a gesture so nice. - But, anyway, getting back to the actual review, this chapter was another one filled with me going “UNCLES!” DDX It’s so sad! I mean, I’m just sitting here and having to heart-cling constantly because, as –cough- I’m sure you know, I feel the pain of both Kenny and James like any seriously obsessed author. Of course, “My December” playing as background music wasn’t exactly helping. ; It’s tragic and it hurts and I love it and it makes me want to write like crazy. Like that wrist thing? Oh my gosh. I had to read it three times I adored it so. Deep. That’s the word that shone neon in my mind when reading that because it was just so telling and so rightly abrupt. The line ("Augustine quickly stepped behind his lover and wrapped his cool arms about the other vampire, nuzzling his neck and lowered his voice seductively, 'I’ll let you have him, you know.'") had me having a little fan-girl spaz because it was so scandalous. Anyway, the death I think was done well. As I mentioned to you, the gruesome “Battle Royale” style of it was a nice touch and made it as finite as it needed to be. As a result, the end was quite interesting and, indeed, portentous. As you should know so well, I look forward to the next chapter.
Melissa Norvell chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
It took me a while but this is something I don't regret. I was actually referred to you by Palm Tree in her 13th chapter of Eden. I love the dark and twisted stories and since I love characters like Araku, which is said to be one of your creations, I had to check out your works and I must say that I am definitely impressed.

This is exactly what I would expect, coming from the mind of someone such as you. I'm happy to have read this piece and I think I found a new addiction.

I'm glad that this isn't one of those overly cliched vampire tales. As an active enthusiast of vampires, I tend to be picky with reading stories with vampires in them and I myself had only recently posted a vampire story that I vow to keep original, so I definitely give you big kudos for putting a unique and believable spin on an overused and often cliched myth.

I will definitely read your next chapter...right after I update my stories for this week. So look forward to it.
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