|Reviews for Orange|
| eaststar chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
You used some repetition with words such as "burn" and "waving". You may have used repetition on purpose here but I think that maybe if you used different words it would have sounded better. Beautiful!
| thegreatfool chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
Hello there. I usually try to review someone else's work after they review mine. Since I reviewed your other one for the review game it didn't feel as right so this one's the response review. :)
The imagery in this piece is simply beautiful I must say. The world you're talking about is vivid and at the same time rather frightening. But very enjoyable.
Just as a matter of format however there are a few things that I think you could add to strengthen the flow of your poem. I don't really care much about capitalization or punctuation and I assume since it was not present in your work that was a conscious decision on your part. But in between the first and second line adding a word like "and" to connect the two would make the reading process much smoother. Without transition words every sentence reads like a fragment, and while that might be powerful in certain situations, it felt a little choppy here. You do this very well after these first two lines and I just think it would help a lot to link line 1 and 2 as well.
Once again well done. This was a nice read.