|Reviews for When I Get Home|
| Black Sparrow chapter 1 . 10/22/2009
Aboslutely beautiful. I love the way you write from the heart. It makes an amazing piece.
| Butterfly Catches Net chapter 1 . 10/22/2009
Again, lovely style; you really are good at writing love and need poems! :] How frank and honest this poem is at some parts is probably the reason it has such power to me, a person who is very secretive and hidden about love. o:
Like the last review I left you, the only true issue I saw was the wrong form of certain words, and a lack of punctuation in the lines (not at the end, since leaving periods off seems to be part of your interpretation of the free verse style.) At words like "I'll," in the second, third, ninth and thirteenth lines, you must include the apostrophe, or your phrase could mean "Grabbing you in a sickly manner" or "Kissing you in a sickly manner" etcetera, etcetera. In line twelve, you need an apostrophe on "You'll." Line 17, apostrophe on "I've," and line 18 you used the wrong "too." In the fourteenth line, you used "threw" instead of through." 20, "can't," 22, "I'm," 40, "meant," 41, "I'm," 42, "It's," 44, "I'll," 46, "You'll," 47, you have a typo, 51, "I'll," and in line 52, "Won't.
I hope you don't find this presumptuous of me, I just like to edit things. It was a very beautiful piece, and had such a clever rhyming style at some parts, being so well done and so easy and free. :} I loved this.