|Reviews for Forgotten|
| TinuvielDork chapter 13 . 11/24/2009
I'm liking getting to know Mira a little better. This chapter brought out so much of her; it made me happy. Poor Ione! I can't even imagine what that might be like.
And I was glad to see this chapter on a bit of a lighter note. All the gloom was bringing me down. Bonding (even if it is over Kainan) was nice to see. Ione has a friend!
| Ravina chapter 13 . 11/23/2009
Didn't Ione cry after Kainan killed the man who defended her? And when she was being cared for after the drowning punishment?
My NaNoWroMi novel has gone to hell because of my job. I hope this weekend proves productive or I'll have to include words from the story I scrapped to make it up to 50K. (That's not cheating, I think, because I think one of the admins suggested it. :S Right?)
P.S. Dammit, she DOES love him Mira! Go...go...um...pine over that sailor or something!
| u wouldjustbe AWESO without ME chapter 13 . 11/23/2009
YOU CAN DO IT! I BELIEVE IN YOU! you can finish in one week!
| Qatariyah chapter 13 . 11/23/2009
Good Luck Mara,
To be honest with you, this chapter plus the last 3 are much better than the beggining of your story.
Your chapters are improving...
| indijana chapter 13 . 11/23/2009
I like this chapter! I think I understand her 'feelings' more now... I suppose it's only normal for her to feel that way about Kanain, after all she's been through. But I'm hoping Mira is right, that it is just a phase. :) Still... it would be awfull if she has to leave her child behind. He thinks he's so kind to release her in society again, he is so wrong! I'm really curious about the next chapters, good luck with writing it! You'll do great ;)
| walkonair chapter 13 . 11/23/2009
Hi! Like it, like it, like it! I have a big project at work I'm supposed to be finishing right now, so this'll be shorter than usual. (Heh. Maybe.)
These are my comments as I read, so sorry if they're choppy.
*I feel like Kainan is a bit out of character in answering her questions in so much detail-would he really tell her his parents' story in one or two sittings, or would it be over weeks and weeks? Has he told his other mistresses this same story? (you maybe already answered this one, I just forgot.)
*"...Angry, yes. But unlike the feeling I had about his father, Kainan was bitter and filled with hate..." It was a little unclear to me what Ione's 'feeling' towards his father was. I had to go back and reread to find the passage that explained more.
*I like the characterization of his mother :)
*I would've guessed Adina was five months or so pregnant not three-thanks for adding that detail.
*Mira has become one of my favorite characters. Can you give a history of her somewhere? Oh, and is the name 'Mira' based on 'Mara' by any chance?
You can write 14,385 words, no problem. :) PMA, okay? (Positive Mental Attitude, if you aren't as cool as me :)
That's all for now.
| dblack50 chapter 13 . 11/23/2009
You can do it! I know you can! It's such a great story too.
The character development these last few chapters has been incredible. We are getting to see a little of what makes Kainan tick, and understanding more and more the struggle Ione's going through with feelings for him. I like that she still has an ally, someone who understands what she's going through. I imagine there is still a blow up with Etaine coming too. Will we see the party, or don't you even know that yet? LOL
| Reenie chapter 13 . 11/23/2009
Thank you for the chapter, i wish you the best of luck to write all those words in a week and i hope you succeed D
| Sydney chapter 12 . 11/22/2009
This is such a great story! I just stumbled upon it today, and spent a few hours reading up to where you left off.
You have such a strength when it comes to emotive writing-what Ione feels is incredibly realistic even under the unrealistic circumstances. The characters are beautifully drawn, and I'm even more intrigued now that it seems like Kainan has more layers.
Please update soon!
| walkonair chapter 12 . 11/22/2009
Nice. I guess your muse has returned? A couple things that I noticed:
If Kainan's mother wasn't 'right in the head', how did she end up marrying a duke, escaping, etc.? I'm not doubting your plot, just curious!
I feel like Kainan is almost bi-polar. For one moment, he shows feeling, but in the next ten minutes, he's heartless.
Oh, and a grammar thing (I'm a grammar Nazi :) Should there be a comma here instead of a period: '"...more trouble if you begin to love them." [H]e smirked. "And I don't trust you, and I don't trust them."'
When you say Kainan's dad 'died at his own sword' do you mean suicide or murder? (I'm not well versed in euphemisms for dying ;)
Would Kainan really say Ione could "live like a duchess" because his own mother became a duchess?
I don't think the last paragraph was too dirty. Remember, you'd have to explain that she allowed him to take her in the next chapter if you didn't now.
Have a nice day! I hope you didn't mind the CC-I adore this story, though my comments may not sound that way!
| StorieLuver101 chapter 12 . 11/22/2009
I love the emotion you put in your writing. I wish i had that kind of display your emotions of the charcters so well i envy you. And i love the dialuge you use. Im not an expert of what to say next or how to make it flow. *Sigh* Anyway thanks for saying happy birthday to me. Really apprciated it! luv ya ;)
| indijana chapter 12 . 11/22/2009
I'm so angry at Ione for giving in towards the end of this chapter, i think it's truly sad, that kanain wants to take away her son, if she will have one. That's even more cruel, than anything else he's done to her... I hope he comes to his senses, but I doubt it!
I can see now, that she isn't truly in love with and I knew it before, when I read the previous chapter... But it still makes me mad, because Ione did give up a little :P
Oh well! I think it's well written, especially in such a short amount of time, I know I could't write like this, the stories in my head never really turn out right, when I put them on paper .'
| u wouldjustbe AWESO without ME chapter 12 . 11/22/2009
one of my favorite chapters. we get to kno about kainans past! even though its a really sad depressing past
| dblack50 chapter 12 . 11/22/2009
Fabulous chapter. Kainan opens up more and it's interesting to see what motivates him. It is hard to feel sorry for him when he's hurting so many people, but it does endear him to me a bit more.
I understand your hesitation with the last paragraph. I've read your profile and try to stick with that same philosophy in my writing. I have some I need to revise too, but I do think this is important to the story. If you don't use it here for this, you almost have to have her reflect on it at some point. Her contrasting emotions really are key in the story IMO.
| Qatariyah chapter 12 . 11/22/2009
to me it's your best chapter in this story, its touching...
all the best