|Reviews for Shaded|
| Zion's Arcadia chapter 1 . 1/10/2011
An interesting story. I read something similar in one of Stabby's stories. This is Anna, by the way. :D
Anyway, this was good. As I kinda know what you're talking about, it makes sense. It might be confusing for some people, though, who have no idea of the history behind the story. But whatever, it doesn't really matter. Well done.
| sw13 chapter 1 . 5/23/2010
Congrats for sticking with your friend. I know how he feels... The emotion was very obvious and very well put out there. No detail really, but its alright. nice work
| mikey magee chapter 1 . 2/5/2010
For Story Review Requests:
This was a nice concept and I really enjoyed the ending line. It was sweet and showed the person's caring side.
The main problem I had with this piece was the lack of imagery. It is important to be specific when you're writing about abstract things like "fear" and "pain", and in this piece what is "scary" or "painful" is just left as an idea rather than a thing the reader can identify. Even if your protagonist doesn't understand what is causing these feelings in his/her friend it is important to at least guess at them so the reader can begin to imagine what he or she is feeling for his or her friend.
Ex: "He tells me how he feels about life. It’s troublesome. He’s struggling, with his friends, family, and...himself." This is a nice example. The reader can get a general idea but that's just it, general. Please be more specific, what are his "family troubles" or his "troubles with himself". Show us these things through the character's eyes. Set up a scene or a memory where we can see the action taking place. Maybe the main character saw his or her friend skipping classes or showing up less and less. Maybe she sees this person growing more and more into a different person, with the difference he makes with his clothing and his attitude and how he walks/talks. Those are important factors in describing both characters.
"But I still hope—deep, deep inside—that he’ll come back when he does. Perhaps this will heal over when he does."
This is a sentence fragment, not a big deal, just get rid of the period after "does". So it should read something like this: "when he does, perhaps..."
Despite that, this was a beautiful piece. I loved the simple lines that gave the character a distinct realism. Very nice work.
| I Am The Masquerade chapter 1 . 1/18/2010
I like the way that this is written. It was moving in a way that I haven't seen in awhile. Good job.
| Super Spazzaroid chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
And thank you so much for sropping by my little forum! Maybe next time we can talk a little. You seem like a pretty cool person to talk to, and I'm always willing to beta/help with story ideas (I notice you had an idea at the bottom of your profile.)
| sanenewworld chapter 1 . 11/1/2009
LOVE it x