Reviews for Unspoken
Fei chapter 9 . 12/18/2009
Wow, I like Leala, and Charlotte too. I also like Rose and Saffron. I'm not sure how much I actually like Jade - although I feel sorry for him. I'm still undecided I think. This is pretty amazing for a Nano novel, obviously it could do with a little tidying up, but your writing style, grammar, and pacing are all good. I love the world you're building - it's a bit dark and it's definitely interesting to see slaves in a technologically advanced setting, but you make it work. I hope that you continue posting this here because I'd really like to read more.
protoctista chapter 9 . 11/29/2009
I liked the church scene, the key points of the religion were devised well and clearly explained, and it was nice that the service was in part from the perspective of Leala, as she, like the reader, is experiencing the temple for the first time.

As for Rose, I wouldn't say she's a favourite, but she isn't not interesting, I just have a preference for male characters. I liked her injection of opinion regarding slaves on the streets, it makes her more real. Her breakdown in the coming chapter sounds intriguing.

Amber was a surprise, but I think I like her attitude, especially as Emmer recieved the brunt of it. Loved that she was the one to educate him about the training of a Companion, he'll be thinking of that for a while (I hope).

No questions this time, surprisingly, just a good luck and update soon.
Raiya-shi chapter 9 . 11/28/2009
Okay few things about you story : #1 I LOVE IT! #2 Jade and companions make me sad faced Jade is my ultimate favorite character btw! . what they do to companions and depriving them of sensory overload after I believe is an hour to half of one would make the brain try to create sensory information to make up for the lack of it (the person would hallucinate) though since this is a work of fiction that shouldn't matter it just makes me even more sad about the companions and I just want to kidnap them all and glomp them TT-TT I'm going to start crying if I continue this train of thought... Keep up the awesome work! hope you update soon but if you don't I understand that life is a buttmunch so no worries!good luck with nanowrimo! btw D and don't get discouraged by the lack of comments and adds if you check out your traffic it will show you have a lot of lurkers! might want to let people know they don't have to sign in or even have an account to comment, some people don't know that because when you go to leave a comment at the top it will ask you if you want to log in so it may give the impression that you have to log in and etc, I used to be a lurker without an account and just had all my fav stories I was waiting to update open in different tabs... i always wanted to comment but thought I couldn't D also too lazy to get an account P so this must be utterly weird and boring and i can't figure out if it's relevant but what I'm trying to say is don't be discouraged! the lack of comments is not a reflection on you writing skills just people's laziness and etc D I just read all your author notes before so I knew it was getting to you... yeah so... um I should go now... keep up the awesomeness!
protoctista chapter 8 . 11/21/2009
I can see the influence, thank you. And it wouldn't be right to suggest revision tips, as it's not finished. Finish first, revise later. It's like a house, you have to build the foundations before you can lay the bricks.

Anyhow, the chapter was good for character development and plot set-up. There's nothing wrong with a filler chapter, they can be very informative. I have a feeling we'll find out more about Emmer's friend later, so I won't ask about him now.

One thing, is this a mistake: 'one organism'? I figure that one did ought to be fixed if so.

Unrelated, was New Moon any better than Twilight? I'm not a fan of the books; too much emo, not enough action, and I found the first film a complete cringe fest. The only thing that looks good about the new film is Jacob- without the long hair he's actually very attractive, has a very nice sixpack too.

Enjoy writing, and I'll drop a review in again soon.
protoctista chapter 7 . 11/16/2009
I got who the father of Leela is (only a numpty couldn't guess), does he know? He got sold around the time that Charlotte first got pregnant, right? It can't have been the reason for his selling though can it? That has to have more to do with Emmer.

Other questions I have:

What exactly are Companions (aside from slaves), are they meant to bare their master's children? Or are they just meant as entertainers and sexual partners?

Do Emmer and Charlotte share the same Father? Are they the product of Campanions?

Who is the father of Saffron's baby? (that one just keeps nagging, don't know why)

Good Chapter. I was going to say that Dove was a favourite when I reviewed before, but there was only one scene with him at the time so I didn't think I could judge. Upon reading this I can conclude I like him. You can't not love a guy who's good with kids. Also, love the fact he found Jade's notes.

Keep writing and good luck with Round Three Testing (I can't pretend I know what it involves, but it sounds nasty.)
Mask of Words chapter 1 . 11/12/2009
Nice work.
protoctista chapter 5 . 11/9/2009
I read this story! I put it on alert once I read the first chapter, I just don't often review. Point: please do upload it here, there may be many more lurkers out there who read but don't like to review. Don't be discouraged.

Favourite: I like Jade, I don't think he's whiny, you can't really judge him until you know exactly what happened eight years ago.

Least Favourite: It wasn't originally Emmer, but that might change. I actually disliked Charlotte, not sure why, I think it's because you get a sense of her allowing Emmer contact with Jade, which had the consequence of destroying him, I guess.
Caged Songbird chapter 2 . 11/1/2009
Amazing once again. You had the perfect amount of dialogue and detailed posts, plus all the characters acted differently and uniquely, which many people find difficult when writing with so many characters. I bow down to you!
Caged Songbird chapter 1 . 11/1/2009
Hallo!

Amazing start, I just love it. Jade is a strong, hardy character, from what I can tell. It takes a lot to be quiet and take things like that. I can't wait to read more.

(P.S. On gaia, in the NaNoWriMo guild, I'm Catherine Bronte :D)
narutoschidori chapter 1 . 11/1/2009
hey. this is looking interesting. certainly something i would read. keep going with it! i'm also doing a nano this year (for the first time), if you should have any interest in taking a look. sorry for the plug, but i would like some feedback for it. sorry. i like jade. his inner-commentary is quite amusing. i would love to see where this goes!~