|Reviews for Treasure Huntress|
| Its.Not.Me.Its.You chapter 3 . 11/19/2009
cant wait for more
| Lady Femme Fatale chapter 2 . 11/9/2009
Hello! First off, I wanted to thank you for your review and I decided to honor your request by checking out one of your stories. Obviously I chose the pirate story - I love me some pirate stories.
The review is going to be detailed and honest, so I really hope you don't take it personally because I truly think that you have potential for a really good pirate stories (and we need more of those!).
Okay, first of all, I really like that Lizzie is a strong character, but be careful that you don't make her too cold. Your readers need to be able to relate to her - give her some kind of habit, like biting her nails. You've made her nearly perfect at something - shooting - but now you have to give her some imperfections.
Kelly is good - she balances out Lizzie - but don't make her too flirty with Jacob or else your readers aren't going to like her (unless that's the whole point, I'm not sure).
Finally, I'm not exactly sure how to interpret Jacob's character. I think you need to describe him more - yes, he's handsome, but we really don't see that Lizzie has noticed his good looks. And, as of right now, his persona isn't making me fall in love with him - at least not yet - and that can be a big problem. Readers will allow you to show character development when it comes to the heroine, but they need to fall in love with the hero quickly - even if it's just the fact that he's good looking. So I think you should edit the second chapter in order to show Lizzie being attracted to him by describing him as such (because if he IS human, Lizzie should be attracted to him, whether she likes him or not).
I'm not exactly sure where you're going with this plot, but that's okay for now.
Also, I hate being picky, but there is no way Jacob would be able to walk around Tortuga after getting shot in the knee. Either show him healing for six to twelve weeks or have her shoot him somewhere else.
Again, this story has great potential. The two biggest pieces of advice I can give is this: a) Your readers are living through your heroine. You NEED to make your heroine likable and relatable and b) I know that you want more reviews - you've got to continuously update so your story is within the first few pages of the romance section. Even if you have no reviews or very few. Writing needs to be because you love it, not because you expect anything.
Okay, last thing, I promise - you need to change your summary into something that doesn't tell the story but is either coy or flirty, maybe a snippet of cute dialogue. Don't tell your whole story in two sentences - it's impossible. Make potential readers want to read your story.
Anyways, I hope I helped you in some way. Good luck with your story - I wish you all the best! And if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!
| Its.Not.Me.Its.You chapter 2 . 11/7/2009
cant wait for more!
hope you update soon!
| Raguelle chapter 1 . 11/1/2009
Very interesting! Keep it up! Though, is Lizzie really 28? She seems younger than that... But that's so awesome! Jacob is my favorite English name! Please keep it up :D