Reviews for my heart aches
Eiya Weathes chapter 1 . 4/8/2011
You have talent. PERIOD.

Seriously, although this poem was simple. It doesn't change the fact the the underlying meaning is deep. The repetition was beautiful as well.

- Amethyst Penn

PS: I'd like to invite you over to the "Mission to Save FictionPress" forum. ( Remove the spaces: w w w . fictionpress forum/Mission_to_Save_FictionPress/5253/ ) It's a new forum where you can get more reviews, more readers and even a couple of tips and writing advice that would definitely help you become a better writer! ;) Oh and please mention that you heard of the forum from me, Amethyst Penn.
Telephonic chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
Nice poem, you should put more up.
Novocaine for the Soul chapter 1 . 12/3/2010
This is sad and yet I completely understand it. Great work.
Keelin N chapter 1 . 8/14/2010
This is a random find on my part but I'm very glad I stubbled upon it. The repetition makes the poem all the more heart breaking, really. By the end I could feel the desperation of missing someone you loved which is wonderful because I've never been in love. My favorite line by far is one where I'm not sure if you made a mistake or left it open ended on purpose... Anyway "Mine does for you because we..." is my favorite line because its as if the narrator is about to tell why she misses the loved one so much or why the loved one left her. Instead the cutoff after "we" makes it appear the explanation would be too hard to explain. Excellent.

I realize after looking at your profile that you haven't updated in awhile. Well I hope you're still using fictionpress and I hope you upload some more poetry.
Rinoa H chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
This is beautiful! I'm married now, so (most of) my heartache is over, but this really makes me think of my ex and when we broke up. I was 16 and it hurt so much, I thought I'd never recover. Now I'm 21 and I realize that things will always get better, even if it feels like your heart will never be whole again.
Hemii25 chapter 1 . 7/4/2010
Aw, part of me can't get over how much this brings be back to 6th grade! Yeah, I was heartbroken that early in life. Anyways! I think the main reason why this is so good is because many people can relate to it. Great work.
Lettuce.B.Frank chapter 1 . 6/11/2010
Is this poem about a lost lover, or a friend turned foe? Well, honestly it doesn't matter. Your poem was touching. To a reader such as myself, it made me not only understand, but feel your emotions. Witch is the desired effect every poem should have on it's reader. Well, at least it is in my opinion.

I feel you piece was well written. Not overly detailed, but not to simple where your words didn't get the point across. Well done.
Garneau chapter 1 . 4/12/2010
Hi,

I like the repetition in this poem, really emphasises the loss and betrayal.

It also builds suspension up to the last line, which makes it clear what happened.

I'm not really a peotry reviewer so sorry about my lame review.

Also, I think it's the 6th line down : "Mine does for you because we". Is there something missing from this line, or are you implying that they had sex. It just seems a bit confusing, and wreaks the flow of the poem you had already going.

I have the feeling that this is drawn from personal experience(?). The lines are very emotive and simple, overall amplifying the meaning of the words.

Anyway great work. I think the world would end if tried to write poetry, so well done.

Garneau.
EyesOfIce457 chapter 1 . 4/5/2010
I could really understand the emotion you put into this! Very great, I love the repetition! You should definitely write more.
Minor Masterpiece chapter 1 . 4/4/2010
A very nice, repetitive poem. I like the sadness and the emotion portreyed. The only thing is this line:

"My heart aches to know your ok"

The line should read:

"My heart aches to know you're okay"

But other than that it was a wonderful first post (:

Keep it up,

Mea
I-R-Marie chapter 1 . 2/10/2010
its sad and cute. I like it. It made me remember of the time I ached... :P
A Kiss in the Dreamhouse chapter 1 . 2/2/2010
The repetition works! Nice!
light.and.darkness.angel chapter 1 . 1/6/2010
beautiful!
Renana chapter 1 . 1/1/2010
Aww this is really cute and I think lots of people can relate to this because it simplifies pent up complicated feelings :)

Renana
cheer101 chapter 1 . 12/15/2009
I love it! ;)
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