|Reviews for The Cursed Painting|
| ginmariano chapter 4 . 11/7/2009
i think this is pretty good so far.
although the names are a little out of date...
anyway can't wait to hear more from you.
| Xhoyl chapter 2 . 11/2/2009
An interesting concept to be sure. A few suggestions if I may. First, the second chapter would be better served as the first. Start the story in a more interesting part of the storyline, then if need be explain previous happenings in a later one. Second, the story can be a tad repetitious, for example.
"She then calmed down afterwards after finding out that it was only her alarm clock.
“Oh, it was just my alarm clock…” the teen girl muttered"
The reader already knows about the clock when it is mentioned the paragraph before, having her restate it is unnecessary and bores the reader. Omitting it is advised. My third and last suggestion. Your descriptions are lovely, but, unless someone is important to the story, detailing exactly what their wearing is usually not a great idea. And even when they are, it is better to work the descriptions in little bite sized bits, like mentioning her hair color one paragraph. then casually her eye color a few later. Other than that though, the story certainly has potential, and with a few improvements, it'll be that much better. As a last request I implore whether you would read and review my story. It's called Pravos, here's a link. /s/2721821/1/Pravos
I would appreciate it greatly if you would give me your thoughts. Thank you.