|Reviews for A Puppet in the Hand|
| Narq chapter 19 . 1/24/2010
My info here might not really mean anything to you because you know what I think already!
But, your characters are fleshed out really good. But i think a more general info about their political set up would be helpful, since I remember being confused at first (the first time I read this story) but then in the end everything was cleared up, so it depends on how much you want your readers to be in confusion, of course. But then, remember that some readers, if you make them work too much, they get annoyed.
ps, I clean forgot about Temple Dancer. I'll try to get it done today.
| WeFallForever chapter 19 . 1/24/2010
Poor Tam! The truth is so hard to take sometimes. Update soon!
| Palm Tree chapter 19 . 1/24/2010
Well, this was a chapter that definitely covered a long period of time and I really, really enjoyed it. The beginning pulled me in and the detailing of the little things Tam and Harry did together, such as their indoor game of pretend and outing to the market, made me smile. I also really enjoyed Harry's logic as to which stand to purchase fruit from.
At this point, I'm convinced that the characters represent certain things. For instance, Tam's father is the past, Harry, as proven by this chapter, is the present, and Marcus, I do believe, is the future. I dunno, I could just be weird, but that thought crossed my mind while reading.
The masquerade was another interesting scene to this chapter as it really brought out the change in Tam as well as gave her an example of a woman saying 'no'. On that, it also bettered her adjusting to, as they call it, "good touches". XD Though, throughout it, I felt bad for Marcus because he must have felt so alone. And when he drank Harry's drink, I just spazzed because that was so... I dunno. It seemed final to me and the whole scene with him leaving and then Harry beckoning Tam back in was just... AJGIOERHDJKLGNAKL. Yeah. That. You're so awesome and talented. *o* -ADORATION-
Going on, Tam developing social skills was another plus (because everything in this chapter was a plus) and then the sudden shock of Harry's comment of her father and the negative turn that led to was a perfect way to taper this whole period of Tam's life off. Makes me wonder about what's around the corner when she returns to the past and NO. Marcus needs to come with her. D8 Or maybe not so she can develop a stronger independence. But still, I love them so much when they're together, it hurts when they're not.
To close, I'm sad that your updates will halt for a while, but at least that means I won't be left dying over cliffhangers. XD Thanks for the note on that, and I'll be awaiting that update. (And hopefully, I'll have time to read it immediately. X3)
| taerkitty chapter 6 . 1/24/2010
I think the opening here is just the first sentence/paragraph. "Marcus was sitting" to me sounds weaker than "Marcus sat." Verb is not the 'is/was' which is a state of being, but is on the act of sitting.
I'd watch out for adjectives on voice tags. "He said grumpily." That's a tell. What was his expression? Was his voice loud, soft? Did he say it through his teeth, or with clenched neck?
"You are a good person[,] a voice said firmly."
When Marcus tucks her feet in the blankets, the absence of (theater) blocking during the setup of this scene no longer is an oversight. Once the characters interact, as reader I need to know where Marcus was sitting - the foot of her bunk, or the foot of his.
Until now, I thought he would not be sitting at the foot of her bunk, and I would expect her to react somewhat if he were. He can tuck her feet in without rising or moving, so it must be her bunk. Hwever, when reading thist, I thought he was sitting at his, so when he tucked her feet in, I had to backpedal a bit.
Bad for flow.
"How come you don't ask [these] questions when he's around?" Given his mood, I don't expect Marcus to generalize her queries to her overall behaviour. I may be wrong, but that's just the feeling I have for the character.
The part about him having hair is good.
"How is it better here?' - single quote instead of doubleqoute. Also, i'm not sure where that came from. Did she say she it better here somehow?
"The drug must have some kind of reach back effect." Side effect, maybe?
Decent ending. It's an interesting question. The actual timing is only so-so. Because this is during 'downtime,' the chapter could have ended more or less at any time. The image is nice, and the question is compelling.
Overall, it's uneven. There are a few places where I would have split the scene, but that's just me. At the very minimum, I think her stepping out the second time should be a new scene because it changes the mood so greatly, from that of her father's constant disapproval to one of openness and hope.
I like how it is taking its time, revealing to us little mysteries (such as her scars) as we go.
| Long Island Iced Tea chapter 1 . 1/24/2010
Review from the Review Game!
I really loved your descriptions, how you depicted how time isn't to her what it is to us. The flow of it was completely different, set the scene beautifully so to speak. I loved this paragraph in particular:
So time, for her, was not straightforward. It leapt about like a mad hare, leaving her with days unaccounted for, splicing two experiences next to each other. She would be in one room, close her eyes, and open them in another, on the far side of the ward, with no sense of having travelled. As if it was the world around her that changed, and she never did. She learned not to expect. Things happened, and she dealt with them as they came. Whether they were memories, or reality, or dreams, there was no way of telling. There was no point trying to discern the difference any more.
This concept is very original, and I can't wait to see where you take it to. Very unusual, very engrossing and Tam as a character is quite... fascinating. Different certainly. Unique.
| xenolith chapter 19 . 1/24/2010
I like the characters. They're more important than the setting and the backdrop and the poitical whatevers. Well, imho, anyways. The way your going with the pace I'd say stick to the drip feed, I've gotten used to it and there are things happening now, so you don't have to worry about the reader getting bored, or irritated. Again, imho!
And Marcus... oh, Marcus. She never said goodbye! How could she do that? I bet he's gonna be pissed :D
| xenolith chapter 18 . 1/22/2010
Aw, Ariana is turning out to be really great. I'm so glad!
I'm starting to like Marcus a lot more, too. He's pretty laid back nowadays, it's interesting to see him in his element, loafing around reading books and sleeping on couches and scowling, gotta love his angry face. I like that Tam is confused about him, I am too.
See, your supporting cast is awesome! And now I'm all up to date, and loving it. This is an excellent story and I've enjoyed Tam's slow recovery (well, mostly lol) as well as the ever-lengthening chapters and the sweet anticipation of more information! Naw, I rhymed. I think it's about bed time :)
I'm very much looking forward to an update, Sophie!
| xenolith chapter 17 . 1/22/2010
Oh, so what I liked here was that when Tam's brain went awol instead of the narrative blacking out, we had Ariana and Marcus there instead. It was nice, different!
| xenolith chapter 16 . 1/22/2010
Oh, a parrot!
Enough said. It's late. My vision is starting to fail ;)
Love the humor. It's nice, a little comic relief.
| xenolith chapter 15 . 1/22/2010
Okay. Answers, finally! *celebrates*
No, in all seriousness, I really admire the way you've done this. It's the opposite of an info dump, and it's worked a charm. Because Tam has been such a mystery we learn right along with her, rather than being bombarded with the backstory all in one go. You get invested in the characters, you feel for them. Fifteen chapters in and you couldn't drag me away even if you tried!
On this chapter, long, normal again. Which I liked. The idea of this evil scienctist is great, totally works. The hint about failure, about him refusing to keep quite, execution (huge word impact-wise!) paints him as this awful, fascinating, incredibly sinister character.
Oh, this: 'The girl’s face gazed back at her, imprisoned in time and space.' - there you go again with those pretty, evocative sentences that I adore so much!
| xenolith chapter 14 . 1/22/2010
Nice ending! Ah, information! Xen is Happy :D
The museum part was cute. Ariana was characterized perfectly.
'“Yes,” she answered, despite Marcus’ strangulated cry. She noticed too late his subtle hints at no.' - teheh.
Well sorry I'm not being more helpful. Still have nothing constructive to offer. But I like the direction this is heading! And by that I mean, that it seems like Tam is slowly but surely regaining herself. Excellent XD
| xenolith chapter 13 . 1/22/2010
I liked this chapter. It was long, and sorta normal. Normal as in no blacking out, no meekness. Tam was pro-active and it was fun to behold!
Just, a really nice job the whole way through. No concrits here :)
| xenolith chapter 12 . 1/22/2010
Oh my gosh. Blah, I'm torn between grinning like an idiot and making the 'aw no!' face. Ah, what a lovely little ending. The passage of time was so smooth, and quick, it was quite nice. Refreshing. Compared to other pieces, that is, because 'time' in this is quite different. Fantastical, different.
Mercedes. Mercedes, Mercedes. What is her problem? Alright, I sorta know, but it's irritating me all the same. She's so bitter, I don't like it. But through her we get the things that we don't notice in Tam's perspective, the state of the village and the men in it. Comes off as quite brutal, to be honest. And the whole conversation really set the mood of the chapter. I enjoyed the latter part though, when Tam goes bush.
And on that note, Oh Marcus!
| xenolith chapter 11 . 1/22/2010
Woah, whammy of a chapter!
So much anger and emotion in like, such a small space. It seemed shorter than the other chapters, but what it lacked in length it made up for in POW! I feel invigorated. I'm so glad Tam found something, strength, determination, whatever. And Jonas is growing on me more and more. I love his... angst, is that the word? Can I call an old-ish man angsty? His emotion, then. The part where he slammed the door, jebes.
'Her heart beat like a horse at the gallop, wanting to run far, far away, but trapped in its small square yard. Round and round it galloped, distress growing with every imprisoned lap.'
Fabulous. Where do you get this kinda imagery? I love it!
| xenolith chapter 10 . 1/22/2010
Oh my internet connection cut out for a bit there, panic central! Just got up to a really intense part and then, bam! Gone. Anyway...
That was really scary. You conveyed her fear and emotions so very well that I almost felt sick. I wanted it to stop! It was wrong! Poor Tam.
Again we see a smidgen more backstory in every chapter, just enough to whet the appetite. I liked the mention of the guardians, and the dynamic between 'us' and 'them'. That in itself is interesting enough.