|Reviews for Rangers of Eternity|
| Oz chapter 9 . 3/16/2013
I love the story WildMan.
| Lord Slayer chapter 2 . 10/6/2010
A good first chapter, though it feels like we're picking up right in the middle of something. It might have been better if you had started out with the Origin Tale instead of right in the middle of the height of their glory, but...oh, well. Finish this first and then wright the prequel. I want to see how this works.
A few things that you might want to consider changing:
"As night fell over the city... The two then held each other for a long time, relishing their privacy. Normally, the hotel's patrons did not include alien princesses or sand-forming superheroes."
- Take the last sentence out entirerly. It has no place in this paragraph and it spoils the mood.
"This also meant that humans and Narvanils were more genetically compatible than scientists on both worlds had previously believed. This was a major scientific discovery, and would undoubtedly shock the inhabitants of both worlds."
- These sentences belong somewhere, but not in the paragraph where you put it. Again, it ruins the mood. And I'd also like to add that "than anyone on either world," would probably flow better than "than scientists on both worlds."
"I love you so much. You've made all of my dreams come true. Not a day goes by when I don't thank God for you. You are the sun, the moon, and the stars of my soul." Still holding his princess's hand, Brandon pulled the jewelry box out of his pocket and knelt down on the cloud of sand, somehow still staying aloft. "Will you marry me?"
- It's sweet, but its also a bit cliche and saying that you have to change it, I just thought it would be good to point out.
"Once they were sure that the burglars were gone, the Rangers transformed back into their street clothes."
- So...they justlet them go? No captures or trips to the police station? And just a quick change of clothes in the middle of the street? Come on, man! This is a superhero story! Think big!
I get how Jilmara was able to learn English so quickly, but it might no be so obvious to other readers. Maybe a little extra info? Just a bit?
I'll finish the other chapters when I can. Keep up the good work.
| Lord Slayer chapter 1 . 10/6/2010
Have only read the prologue so far, but it seems interesting.
I would, however, not tell everyone right away who you plan to have hook up. Some people like trying to figure these things out (or make their own couples), and it also works better to introduce these things gradually within the story itself. Helps with character development that way.
The number of characters is also of some concern. I mean, this is an original piece, so all the characters are new to the readers, and its a lot of people to have to keep track of all at once. Not to mention the inevitable villains.
I also recommend against mentioning superheroes from established univeerses. I can let it slide here, but in the story itself I'd advise against bringing up the X-Men, or Superman or anyone like that. Think about it, if in this universe superheroes were real, why would you write comic books about imaginary ones?
Finally, I'd suggest coming up with something a little more original than "War of the Worlds."
Other than these, though, it looks like a good start.
| Raingypsy chapter 1 . 12/26/2009
I'm not a sci-fi fan so I don't think I can really comment but I really enjoyed the first chapter!
You must have to best imagination. Anytime I try to think up different characters, they all end up sounding the same so well done!
Also, I was looking at your profile! I love Marvin Gaye :)
Anyway, great job :)
| MysticGypsyGirl chapter 5 . 11/28/2009
Wow! You really can write! Keep up the good work!
| MysticGypsyGirl chapter 4 . 11/28/2009
Good job on this chapter; it was even more fascinating then the other ones! Keep up the good work!
| ranDUMM chapter 1 . 11/28/2009
That's a good theme! I really like the way it's going :) I'm not really into Sci-Fi, but this has intrigued me. Keep writing!
| MysticGypsyGirl chapter 3 . 11/28/2009
You really do have a gift for writing; the way you write makes everything seem so alive! Keep up the good work!
| MysticGypsyGirl chapter 2 . 11/28/2009
Well you certainly captured the ‘superhero’ thing right. This story’s bringing back flash-backs of my sister’s childhood Saturday morning cartoons. Good job!
| MysticGypsyGirl chapter 1 . 11/27/2009
Just earlier today, I had a conversation with someone about how we were not really into superhero things, but even if I didn’t owe you a review, I think I would still read this. Often times who the author is can greatly effect if I’ll review or even read a story, and this is one of those cases. There aren’t enough of us out there that are anti premarital sex and we sometimes need to give each other encouragement. Also, I love where you based the story! I have a lot of relatives in Buffalo and I love it there! My cousin said that when Extreme makeover came to Buffalo she wouldn’t be surprised if Ty Pennington was mugged- by a cat! I also love how organized you seem to bee with this story- you know what you’re writing about, who you’re writing about, and I doubt there will be many out-of-character moments.
Damn I’m tired…I’m rambling too much…oh well, I’m hitting the top of your list for weirdest review…Anywho, I’m looking forward to reading you story! Keep up the good work!
| KelaBelle chapter 1 . 11/24/2009
Wow nice start, its a very good introduction too with whosm dating who and that so we dont get it complicated. Like in some stories we do so good that you have done that. Grmmars seems ti be spot on too. Nicely first chapter xx
| Chiscribe chapter 1 . 11/3/2009
I'm willing to reserve judgement, but I bet your character development won't be as good unless you had feweer characsters. Every character takes extra words, time, and work to be seen as fully fleshed out caricatures of humans, and you seem to have a lot of unnecessary ones.