Reviews for How to Save a Life
Lexy7432 chapter 1 . 3/31/2010
I loved it when Fallon was going OFF on EVERYONE during labor...Priceless. LOL
chocoholic dreamer chapter 1 . 3/29/2010
cute one-shot
Bubbly Girl chapter 1 . 3/29/2010
Aw...

Peace, Love and Happiness! :)

-Bubbly Girl
Removed01 chapter 1 . 3/22/2010
Hello there!

I'm going to give you a friendly, fair warning: My review is going to be all CC; it's done with the best intentions and not meant to be interpreted badly at all. That said, enjoy! :)

Lets talk about the characters first.

There were some things that didn't sit quite well with me. For example, Fallon works at a daycare, which means she loves and can stand children. But then she was adamant on getting an abortion. See, something so relevant as what she does for a living clashes with her reasons to get an abortion (not being ready, it not being the right time.) Fear doesn't outweight the way she is, which is why she chose not to abort in the end. But the way it is, it seems like it was too forced to make the plot more serious and dramatic.

River's justifications for leaving her (the breakup) and then going back to her, because he knows she's the one, are completely off. On a personal level, I'd kick his ass. That's why I was surprised to see Fallon endure and go along with this so easily. This is one point that should have been stressed even more. It seemed too rushed and unreal to me; it made me think she has no self respect for herself (which I know she does, judging by her personality.)

Lets talk about the writing style now.

I noticed a few problems as I read this piece, but nothing that can't be fixed with practice.

First, the structure of your sentences (and paragraphs) is too similar, or not too diverse. Reading through you can notice that you start most of your dialogues *and* paragraphs with the characters' names. You don't need this; first, we know who's who by now, second you can use other resources to refer to a specific character (the short woman/girl, the man behind the wheel, he, she, etc.)

Second, there are quite a few description repetitions. You mentioned everybody's eye colours so many times that I know each of their shades by now. But how come I only found out River has black hair near the end? Also, often times you use the same words in the same sentence or paragraph. Example:

"We did break up during our second year at Yale and didn't get back together until our senior year there. It wasn't a bad break up or anything, but we decided that breaking up was the best thing to do."

Another repetition that stands out a lot:

I emerged out of the bathroom for the tenth time, my eyebrows furrowed together. I just took my tenth pregnancy test and Perry was laying on my bed, his eyes closed.

"Fallon," he yawned, blue eyes still closed. "That's your tenth test. It's going to tell you the same thing that the last nine tests told you,"

I assure you, we can count. (;

Third, seeing River's personality, it's understandable that he swears a lot. But does it have to be only fuck and derivates, and the occasional bitch? Diversity is the key to tasteful cussing. (;

Fourth, you did a lot of pov changes throughout the one-shot. This is tricky, mostly because there's usually a predominant one that overruns the others. And the reader can tell. Which is why I think you should revise and be more careful with your tenses and person-speech.

Fifth, sometimes you do more telling than showing:

"Yeah," I said. "I don't get it eith-" I rushed back into the bathroom, throwing up once again.

It's pretty easy to see what you meant to do there. But wouldn't it be so much smoother if, after interrupting, you said something like: Suddenly I felt something rush up my throat and I rushed back into the bathroom, throwing up again like a vulcano spurting out lava without warning. (Or something to that effect.)

Lets talk about the props.

Really good that you decided to tackle a sensitive subject like abortion, trying to weave it with the characters' own story. Not a lot of people go this route because of the "what ifs" and "what will people say?"

Also, good to see that you put the childbirth scene. The baby didn't magically pop out with the mother fresh like a lettuce to prance it around.

Another important detail: River stood by her. He wanted to bolt after their disagreement (surprising that he didn't when she said she was pregnant, which speaks well about him), but in the end he realized what was important and stuck by her.

And last but not least, there were very little typos (you have no idea how important this is to me when I read something), which is definitely something to commend you for!

Well, that's all. I hope you like this little essay!

Best Wishes from AG
iammisspedia chapter 1 . 3/15/2010
That was a beautiful .

Good thing she didn't went with the abortion or else there's no Dannon and Landon won't have a sweet challenge. Teehee!

I am going to read all your stories. You rock. It's a good thing I bumped into your Landon-Dannon story. :)
anitsirK chapter 1 . 3/14/2010
Oh my gosh. I couldn't stand the part about the abortion. : I really scorn every woman who has even considered having an abortion. I'm sorry. It's just that it's may be Fallon's body, but it's not her LIFE. For effing Pete's sake. Think, woman. Nothing against the author, though. Just I hate abortionists/abortion or anything to do with that. :
tephanie chapter 1 . 3/12/2010
hey chelsea. i found ur page hahahahahaha!

Date: 3/12/2010

-$tephanie(YoungMoney) )
MintCcIceCream chapter 1 . 3/5/2010
Aww! This is super duper amazingly cute! I loved it! Good luck writing and with life and everything! LOVE THE STORY!

Love,

MintCcIceCream
its-like-i-sed chapter 1 . 3/1/2010
oh this was soo cute :)
AbbeyEileen chapter 1 . 2/28/2010
The only thing that bothers me is that it's in 1st person for the majority but 3rd for the last scene. Keep it consistent or it's too difficult to follow...
chimerica chapter 1 . 2/9/2010
Absolutely loved the closure it gave to the Fallon-River relationship, haha. :)
morphine and lollipops chapter 1 . 2/9/2010
N'awh. River is amazing, and I love him to death. If he wasn't so cool with Fallon, I'd steal him.
ghurl00 chapter 1 . 1/30/2010
Aw.. So cute!) River and Fannon they're such a great couple!
pottymouthannah chapter 1 . 1/26/2010
AH SO AMAZING!
Chalk Talk chapter 1 . 12/31/2009
Not even going to lie. I'm listening to how to save a life by the fray and I scrolled up to the top to read the title after i finished it, because I forgot what it was...totally read it right as they said how to save a life. Besides the fact that this was just fantastic...that made it that much sweeter! :D Good job! :D you rock my socks!
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