|Reviews for Absolute Zero|
| Luna the wolf dancer chapter 1 . 12/16/2009
You weren't kidding about the longest prologue lol, but this felt like the first chapter to your story instead of a prologue. This was very cool to read, the modern action withing a fantasy-based world; very nice. I can't wait for more
| Frayling0 chapter 6 . 12/15/2009
Absolutely brill! I was gripped throughout, each character seems interesting, and the manga-esque elements shine through vividly. My only suggestion would be to describe the scenery a little more - but as it's manga keep that to a minimum. Nice work! Luke
| Frayling0 chapter 5 . 12/14/2009
I love this - mainly because it properly feels like the plot is picking up. The last line promises this battle royale to soon begin, and I look forward to that. As always brilliant characters and interaction. I can't wait for more! Luke
| AST chapter 5 . 12/13/2009
That is all I have to say about this chapter, you mixed a nice romantic feel to many Tenjho Tenge and One Piece Elements flawlessly, Amazing.
I don't think peope understand how great a writer you are
| Eytha chapter 5 . 12/9/2009
Last chapter! I'm all caught up now. I really like the bookending on the title here. It was pretty clever. This is another strong chapter and you did well when the action was pretty light. It's sort of refreshing after tense battles from the last couple of chapters.
It was pretty amusing to learn that Hideto likes anime and manga. I really did not see that coming. The direction he is taking in his character development is interesting. After this he is definitely feeling very well rounded. I usually tend to avoid specifically referencing real world things, but nothing wrong with it. I don't know if it comes down to personal choice or fear that I don't, either its always enjoyable to see references, especially when you mention anything from Studio Ghibi (even said Mononoke Hime too).
Misaki is interesting how she can sound smart one minute and come off as an airhead the next. She moves pretty fast though going for girlfriend already.
I'm glad to see the Battle Royale making its appearance. I was wondering when it would be arriving since it seemed to be your main focus for the story. The previous chapter had me guessing that and this one confirmed it.
I was actually a little disappointed that Hideto won the sparring match with the lightning guy. The direction you were going seemed like you were going to have Hideto lose. Nothing wrong with the decision you made. I just have a thing for seeing the main characters being humbled by defeat since most anime don't grant you that. The main character by their nature are meant to win or eventually win everything. But as I said nothing wrong with what happened.
It definitely feels like you've got Hideto down at this point. I liked the little ice prank. Its those fun little tricks that really help to provide some flavor and humor, of course. Well I look forward to seeing the next chapter.
| Eytha chapter 4 . 12/9/2009
I'm back again. Things are certainly getting more and more interesting with each passing chapter. I was not sure if you were going to be having the whole chapter the fight with Shizuru. But things do take a rather interesting direction.
It was good to see that Hideto eyes are not all powerful. I was a little curious about that, but it seems it falls under the same thing as everything else. If you're strong enough you can resist anything.
The reveal about Hideto and her grandfather was quite a surprise too. The Heaven and Earth stuff is a little gray, but it certainly looks impressive. You've built yourself a very nice array of techniques that look very believable. It'll be fun to see a little more detail about how Hideto ended up using them for ice sometime down the road.
The comedic moment between the four students seemed both well placed to ease the tension and awkward at the same time. It did not feel forced and that is good. Though the casualness between them and Hideto was a little surprising. I think that might be why it felt so awkward.
Mai does finally make her appearance and a date even. That was a little unexpected. I am glad to see that all of the animosity was not removed after the fight with Karyu. It would have been a little weird if they all immediately accepted Hideto. Though for the life of me I don't know what the whole fight scene felt like I've seen it before in an anime.
There are a couple points that I'd like to bring up for critique. If you're going more for a manga feel then I guess I can't really say too much, but if you're going more for an anime feel then you will probably want to change your onomatopoeia. Using them does provide an immediate reaction, but you can describe the sounds or effect through sentences as well.
That leads me into the next point. After reading the last the two chapters they have felt a little light. There is a lot of dialogue and action, but there is very little in description beyond the immediate action. There are a number of explosions or blasts that I don't know how severe they were to the environment because they were simplified. You do a great job with the action and dialogue. Providing a little more description will help to flesh out the rest. I could feel that things were very impressive, but I was not able to read how impressive it was. If that makes any sense.
These are the only two points of critique I have at the moment. All said you have a great piece here that kept me entertained. I look forward to the next chapter as always.
| Eytha chapter 3 . 12/9/2009
I'm back reviewing you again as promised. I don't really have much in the way of critiques. This a very solid chapter. I was expecting some action, I didn't know how much was going to be happening. That's not a bad thing, you did it all very well and kept everyone's powers and abilities unique too. So each fight felt fresh.
It was very interesting watching what Hideto can do with his powers. The only point that really confused me in what actually happened was the headbutt collision. I don't really understand what he was able to do to stop that.
But you have provided some more inventive uses for ice than most provide. Though they are also a little more painful and gory to imagine. It brings a whole new meaning having ice in your veins.
I had a couple of moments where I thought of Bleach interestingly enough. The killer aura moment reminded me of the time with Kenpachi watching Ichigo from a distance. The other was the speech the guy made about hated the look of Hideto's eyes, which is something that Grimmjaw said to Ichigo during their last fight.
That aside though, I also had moments where I felt that I was reading a film noir almost. I guess first person will do that to you. It just felt very easy to picture it with the way Hideto was narrating thoughts, feelings and other people to the reader. Not a bad thing mind you, just an impression I got from reading.
As I said their was one point of critique, but its not really so much a critique as just a comment. I know that you're definitely going for the anime/manga feeling. You're really nailing that feeling too. Though you're doing one of the things that they do in anime/manga a lot that I always felt was a really strange thing to do. Hideto started talking about his past and his reasons for hating the guy he was beating up to some strangers. I've always felt it was a little strange that a character would share intimate feelings and memories with someone that they are fighting with. I know most of it does for the benefit of the reader, but you did already explain the reasons with the flashback. As I said its more a comment than anything since it is exactly what anime does all the time. So you aren't really doing something wrong, but just wanted to bring it up.
Its a very well written chapter and I look forward to see what the new opponent for Hideto is going to be like. He's already been beaten up a lot and going into another fight with an even stronger opponent, which is pretty classic stuff. But as you say nothing wrong with the classics. I'm entertained and in the end that's what you want.
| AngrySojiroT chapter 4 . 12/9/2009
GREAT JOB, RICH!
sometimes I wonder how you write so much, i have a hard time writing six pages, hahaha.
That was a great fight scene you put in there.
GREAT JOB again.
| Frayling0 chapter 4 . 12/8/2009
Just reread the rewrite - I like it, especially the ending as you explained. Added a bit more emotion in my opinion... Good job :)
| Frayling0 chapter 4 . 12/7/2009
Yay, finally a new chapter arrives! :D I loved this, especially the battle. Through your technique names and dialogue, you really capture the manga feel. I want more of this, the plot is gripping! Nice work! Luke
| Hikari no Bushi chapter 3 . 12/6/2009
A riveting narrative that brilliantly captures the essence of anime as much as the heart of an anime fanatic like me! It's a bona fide anime rip-off that successfully recreates everything that's characteristic of a "shounen" anime - the atmosphere, the dialogue, the action, the nature of the characters, and most interestingly, the flashbacks that actually add a touch of realism to the story! Marvellous! Though Hideto Fujimoto with his powers of ice and darkness have become somewhat of a hackneyed protagonist, but now he's back with more humour and wit, whereto the clever use of puns like "guts" and "suika" attests. I must admit the Japanese "suika" taken to mean watermelon is highly amusing - it totally makes a mockery out of something as noble and respected as the Northern Water Fire technique! Haha! :D And Hideto's witty ripostes to his adversaries really injects life into what would otherwise be an ordinary anime transcript with all action and no intelligent colloquy, with the comicality in dialogue being what today's "shounen" anime, in my honest opinion, should take a cue from! Simply commendable that you, the visual theatricals excepted, were able to accomplish more than the ordinary anime! I suppose that's because your level of humour has increased, eh? Haha!
Skilful portrayal of Hideto's dual personality. In fact, I'm not exactly sure if this is true, but it is the characterisation of Hideto that gave me the vibes that he has a dark side which he tries desperately to conceal, while tending to exhibit his light-hearted, frivolous nature especially in front of pugnacious girls who try to take him on. However, the disparity in Hideto's disposition might have been a little overdone when Hideto is being depicted as so ruthless as to kill Udono who did not even so much as annoy him, which makes Hideto seem as having not so much a dual personality as a conflict in character. Not unless you mean Hideto has a personal feud with Udono or something...
Also, I concur with Ethya that the first chapter does not accord very well with the succeeding chapter, in that the first chapter's almost a standalone in which the story seems to end as the chapter concludes, and also in that the sudden change from third person in the first chapter to first person in the next somewhat disrupts the story flow, but admittedly, it was not until I read Ethya's critique that I realised the difference! ;P Your best bet to circumvent all of these minor flaws, if I may suggest, is to make the first chapter read somewhat like a prologue or flashback or dream, by putting all the words in italics and maybe truncating wherever you think necessary to a length befitting of a prologue. But if it's a dream or flashback that you intend to create, then I suppose it doesn't matter if you retain the chapter in its original form. In any case, by the simple expedient of italicising the entire chapter, I believe not only would you be able to reconcile the discord between the first and second chapters, the dream or flashback in the first chapter would also lend itself to providing the drive to continue reading rather than stifling the reader's interest! Of course, this is solely my opinion and other readers like Ethya, not forgetting yourself, may beg to differ.
But then again, on the merit side, the skirmishes are without a doubt vividly described and I especially liked the epic fight between Hayato and Hideto not only because of the amusing pun employed, but more so because of the little turn of events in their desperate struggle to overcome one another. Splendid job! On the whole, it was a truly pleasant and enjoyable read and I hope you won’t just stop at the third chapter, for I’m dying to know what the First Saint is capable of! D
| Eytha chapter 2 . 11/25/2009
As promised I'm back! I had a pretty busy week or two with things and so I finally got caught up that I could do some reading and reviewing. So here I am.
I don't know if you answered the person, but I saw in one of the reviews someone mentioning Mai Tokiha, but not knowing where they heard the name from. Mai is from My Hime and she has a little brother Takumi. Mai's element is fire. So that is probably why it sounds very familiar. I brought it up since is quite the coincidence. But so long as she's not able to summon a giant flying dragon with a knife pierced through its mouth you should be fine. Though on the subject of similarities as I was reading I was thinking of Kaze no Stigma, even though I hadn't seen the anime the fight between Mai and Hideto just reminded me of it a little, though the guy could use wind and not ice.
Well I did notice a few spelling/grammar mistakes. Most were just a miss conjugation of a verb, nothing too bad. I usually don't like to point out all of them unless there's a lot, but let me know if you want me to.
One thing that I wanted to bring up was about the use of Japanese words. It's best to refrain from using any even common ones since it breaks up the flow of the reading. I did like the little commentary about the use of Japanese when entering the restaurant, reminded me of scanlations. But you are writing in English and so it is best to keep everything in English. It also felt weird use of honorifics only be two of the characters. When it comes to honorifics I don't really mind, though its best not. However, you do not use it universally for all character. I think you were doing it for the character's personality, but it ends up standing out against the rest.
The other thing that was really jarring for me was the change from third person to first person. I haven't read the next chapter, but it is best if you start with third person you should continue with it. The way first person and third person reads is very different and the energy is as well. The two chapters feel very strange next to each other. The first chapter feels more distant than the second, because the main character is in first person and is almost speaking to the reader rather than the reader witnessing actions of the main character.
The explanation about the ice and fire canceling each other felt a little off. I guessing that he can bring things to near Absolute Zero, which would explain it since all motion stops at that point. But it just felt a little weird to say its too cold for the fire. A fire can still happen in the cold, though I would imagine Absolute Zero would change that. A little weird, but nothing to worry too much over. It was just something I picked up on.
The only other critique I have is that the first part of the chapter felt a little more solid than the rest. It seemed like through the dialogue you were going for quick pacing, but there was very little description and details once Mai and Hideto starting talking, so it felt a little light compared to the rest.
Those points aside though, I definitely enjoyed the dialogue for this chapter. You really put some personality behind them in their conversation and Hideto is starting to come out more in that as well. So it is helping to flesh him out. I also enjoyed the scenes with Takumi and him.
You had a nice solid cliffhanger ending to that makes me curious to see what happened to Mai. It was also nice to get some of the history of your world so that the magic got explained. It has me curious to see what becomes of this. This chapter was lighter on the action, but I probably enjoyed this one more than the last one because it felt very well rounded over all. You brought in some new characters, gave some nice action and provided a good amount of comedy as well. Very well done.
| anti-climax chapter 3 . 11/16/2009
Nice fighting scenes. I kinda expected more from students from the 'best' school though, Hideto pretty much fooled around with them! And the blonde girl's the First Saint? That's interesting, I wonder what she's got...
Will you be doing more flashbacks by the way? Like how did he get his abilities in the first place etc.?
| LordHughes chapter 3 . 11/14/2009
i LOVED this chapter here, the description and detail that you put into everything was great, it was like i was watching a movie.
The fight scene seemed better
| Frayling0 chapter 3 . 11/14/2009
Nice chapter! The initial description of the school was beautiful - I could picture it well. Loved the snippets of background, with flashbacks, and consequences in the present. Great work on that, and the crisp dialogue. Loved the fight names, you definitely captured the manga feel with the attack names e.t.c. All in all, fantastic chapter with an ominous ending. The only thing I'd suggest is to lessen the vast amounts of dialogue, but then I suppose this is manga, so I'm not sure on that one. Great work. Luke