|Reviews for Rainy Days|
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 1/9/2010
You have bad habits, lots of them. You are somewhat confused grammatically. Also, I have a feeling that English may not be your first language, which would explain some idiosyncrasies in your writing.
You are not, however, a bad writer. This was a little hard to read, truth be told, but beneath it all I found a great story. For a short story, you perhaps could have spent a little bit more time on details, and on characterizing Rainy, but otherwise it was good. The story was very realistic and imaginable. Your picture, once painted, was sharp and clear. I just had to dig through some language barriers to get there. That, I think, is your biggest obstacle.
I'm much better at reading poems, so I'm going to go look for one that you've done.
You make my favorites list for having that on your profile.
| DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 12/15/2009
I think with some work, this could be really great. It has potential.
The first thing I noticed was that you keep switching tenses in the middle of sentences and paragraphs. For example: "...pulls out her black bag and started loading it..." It would read alot better if it said, "...pulled out her black bag and started loading it..." The story would read a lot better if all the tenses in a sentence/paragraph agreed with each other.
Also, you need a little bit of work on punctuation and capitalization. Adding punctuation in some places will definitely help the flow of the story and correct capitalization will make it look better.
Opinion: “ A-r-e y-o-u d-u-m-b?” With this line, I think it would read better as "Are-you-dumb?" The way you have it makes it read as if he is saying each letter instead of each word. But that's just what I think.
Overall, I think the story has a good idea to it. I think if it had a little more elaboration and more details it would make for a great piece!
Good luck and keep writing ]
| bunnypopcorn chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
That's a great cliffhanger :O. Very exciting! I think it's pretty cute, mostly Frankie's behavior XP. I think it's childishly cute. Is this a romance? It seems like it has a hint of it ;P.