|Reviews for Celestia of the Thorns|
| sw33tdaisie chapter 1 . 11/6/2009
this story seems really well written and interesting...i hope you do really good in the NaNoWriMo...i can't wait to read what you write next!
| AsakuraX chapter 1 . 11/6/2009
I really like this! Hopefully the story'll get thicker and even better. I'm already loving this...Can't wait for more
| Lilang chapter 1 . 11/6/2009
You did really well by posting it... It is really an intriguing and mysterious universe. I can't wait for the end of the month, to read the whole story !
I noticed one mistake, when you give the ages of Nikos and Dmitriy : you say for both that they are nineteen ;)
Good luck on the writing !
| walkonair chapter 1 . 11/6/2009
Love love love it! So far, it isn't like Twilight at all!
Here are my comments (I wrote as I read, so they're a bit choppy) All of these suggestions are for after NaNoWriMo is done-don't lose your mojo editing!
*I thought it said in the author's note 'do NOT review' and I was like 'WHAT?' I reread that line!
*The first line is, IMHO, one of the most important lines of a book. It has to draw the reader in and make them curious. I like your first line's message, but a bit of rewriting might make it clearer. Also, you have quite a few '-' (can't remember what they're called) in the first couple paragraphs; maybe when you edit you could substitute a few of those for ;s.
*you use 'anger' in two sentences. "...managed to hold my anger in. It wouldn't do to anger the..."
*Celestia has an awesomely long name. :)
*You don't really explain who Eden is. Is that purposeful?
*"...but none of us has had him assassinated to date." "And not for lack of trying, I bet." Who says the second part ('And not for...')?
*Would Celeste wear a corset/other undergarmet when she puts on her green silk dress?
*Is Dayna you in a cameo? :)
*You goofed on the ages-you say that Dimitriy is nineteen and 1 year younger than her, and you say that Nikos is nineteen and 3 years younger than her.
*I like the family interaction. It's a nice way to introduce the characters.
Oh wow! You dedicated the chapter to me. I'm in shock and grinning like a madwoman. My boss must think I'm crazy. (He's the greatest boss ever, though. He's known for a long time that I'm crazy.)
I love this story so far. And I took your note about giving feedback seriously-hope you don't mind!