Reviews for Written Betrayel
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 3 . 2/16/2011
I kind of like the name 'Gail'. Aah I see the connection now Charlie does seem like the hot-and-cold kind of guy. Poor poor Gail. I like how she lectures herself about everything or every move Charlie makes. It's a true indicator that she loves him! Onward to the next chapters (:

x mandy
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 2 . 2/16/2011
What a cute chapter :) Somehow I don't see how the story title could connect with this beautiful relationship... and I don't want to, either! It's just too wonderful and sweet to give up, you know?

x mandy
thefaultinourpatronus chapter 1 . 2/16/2011
Woah! I like the format of this. The last line made me go O. Really cute, which is ironic because this is supposed to be sad ;) The message was clear enough, great job!

x mandy
A Kiss in the Dreamhouse chapter 3 . 9/17/2010
This chapter really did it for me. I'm so consumed with curiosity - what is Charlie really up to? The reader has a reason to believe that he might be lying. And when that happens, I'm going to feel so sorry for Gail. She's so sweet!

Update this story soon! And I will love you forever!
A Kiss in the Dreamhouse chapter 2 . 9/17/2010
They do have a perfect relationship. Makes me wonder when the bad stuff is going to happen - and I for one love drama! The absentmindedness of Charlie makes one wonder...

I think the tenses are a little confused at times, but overall a nice set-up to the story.
A Kiss in the Dreamhouse chapter 1 . 9/17/2010
Nice use of form and fonts! And the last line was a killer, as the last line of any great prologue should be :)
Sarah A. W chapter 3 . 8/21/2010
I really like how the story is progressing here and I like the relationship between the two characters, but I have a bad feeling about Charlie cheating on Gail.

I just hope he doesn't. I really feel sorry for her, she keeps everything to herself. If I were here, I'd do the same thing and leave him alone but she needs to do something quickly!
Prainey Boy chapter 3 . 8/15/2010
OMG Jagga, you didn't finish it. This must be prioritised to top of the list. I am dieing here, (in science) with Louie, not knowing why Charlie's acting that FINISH IT! We Love LOVE LOVE it :)
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 3 . 7/11/2010
I really like how you're building up the conflict here, especially as Gail clearly doesn't know what to do about it; I do think, however, that you could do more on that with the way she acts around him. I'm surprised she hasn't asked if he wants to talk about it or anything :P

Also, this might just be me, but I'm curious as to the nature of their relationship; how old are these characters? Teenagers, young adults, a bit older than that maybe? Things like that sort of explain a lot about the way characters act, especially when it comes to relationships.

Anyways, nice work and I'm going to keep an eye out for the next chapter.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 2 . 7/4/2010
Aw, they're so sweet together! The romantic in my loves the sweet moments you've got here, whilst the more kind of jaded part is going "nah, it's too perfect" :P However, I think another reviewer pointed out, it gets a bit confusing as to who is speaking, especially right at the start. I thought for a bit that there were three people there, because you start off with Charlie speaking and then have the tag as 'I', just something you might want to look over.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 7/2/2010
I really like this as an opening! it draws you in, is unique, original and personally, I think it shows how easy it is to say things like that online. Anyways, really nice prologue and leaves the reader really wanting to know more.
AvidWriter-92 chapter 3 . 6/14/2010
Hmm. This is really interesting...

I am quite suscpicious of Charlie having "problems" at home... If they were such big problems, then why didn't he mention something to Gail about it?

Something fishy is going on... :P

I hope that you update this soon, because I really like where this is headed! :D

~Avid. Roadhouse. (10/10 :D)
AvidWriter-92 chapter 2 . 6/14/2010
Hello. :)

I really liked the flow of this piece. :) I'm such a romantic at heart, so I loved the little moments between Charles and the girl.
AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 6/14/2010
hey, ranDUMM. :)

I thought that this was an interesting choice of a prologue... It's pretty unique, and it hooked me in. :)

I liked the last line:

The message is clear, typing with the keyboard: I don't love you anymore.

I thought that was neat, and it makes me wonder what happened between the characters for them to not love each other anymore. :)

Oh, betrayel should be "betrayal."

I liked this. :)

~Avid. Roadhouse...(repaying reviews: 8/10.)
Broken Bird chapter 2 . 6/4/2010
Sometimes its kind of hard to tell who's talking because you tell what a person says, but instead of saying who said it you tell another person's reaction. It gets sort of confusing.

I do like it so far, though. Plus I liked how the first chapter/prolouge was a poem. Not really sure why, though. Lol

Anyway, great potential! Keep writing!
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