|Reviews for Something to Say|
| lianoid chapter 1 . 4/28/2010
Argh. Reviewing your pieces are so hard for me because they’re so beautiful I feel my words just sound like baby gurgle compared to them. This was magnificent. Everything read smoothly, and there were a lot of memorable lines I could relate to. Partiularily: “...taunting me with its impatient cursor.” I thought that was accurately described and so clever. The ending was really good, but I feel so torn right now because of it. I know it’s a one-shot piece so there’s no hope of finding out what the man’s reply will be, but my mind refuses to accept that this is the end. Believe me, it’s perfect how it is, it’s just my constant need to read stories that end happily. –sigh- You’re such a talented writer and you make me feel so many emotions when I read your work. You have a wonderful understand of people and their inner workings. I commend you once more for a fantastic piece!
| Link Broken chapter 1 . 11/25/2009
I found two significant spelling errors: "thingsm" in "It would be so much easier to give up, and just let thingsm continue as they were." and "counselled" in "I’d counselled myself against it, sternly reminding myself of all the reasons why he should be the last person any sensible girl would fall in love with."
I thought it was pretty well written. I like the balance between emotion, memory, and action. The one thing I didn't get was the scars. Their purpose was a little vague. That might have been what you were going for, but it was so vague and seemed disconnected it was just odd to have it in the story.
Another thing was that the ending was good, in that she did finally conquer her fears, but I would've liked something more. Maybe an email that comes a few minutes later or a phone call or something. I don't know: I'm not you. It's good as it is, but it could use something a little more.
Good luck with November WCC!
| RisanF chapter 1 . 11/12/2009
Very solidly written. Good use of tension; I can feel the protagonist's trepidation in revealing her long-kept secret. The metaphor about the children in the shallow end of the pool is good too, simply because I remember what it was like to be unwilling to brave the deep end. One typo, though: "It would be so much easier to give up, and just let thingsm continue as they were."
Good stuff. (and an ironic twist on your writing prompt)
| improvisationallychallenged chapter 1 . 11/11/2009
For the RG:
Wow...never mind declarations of love...this sort of stuff goes through my head every time I try to write a bloody e-mail! :P
While I enjoyed the whole piece, I particularly loved your opening metaphor. It just summed up the horrible mix of anticipation, excitement and fear, and immediately sucked me in to the protagonist's shoes.
I really want to know what happens next. There are so many things hinted at about the characters, that really catch my interest, and make me want to know the full story - like the line:
"I’d counselled myself against it, sternly reminding myself of all the reasons why he should be the last person any sensible girl would fall in love with."
My first thought after reading that is: "Why?"
So the only con-crit I can offer is to write what happens next... XD
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 11/9/2009
I really liked this, I liked how it started because it had a strange meta-narrative aura about it, the writer writing about writing. I only saw one typo, and everything else was smooth and mature, you said everything that needed to be said and you did it with eloquence, plus I think you hit the prompt right on by taking an interesting spin on writing with something to say. I can relate to the situation of having to suck up pride and just "say it" you know? And then pushing the "send" button, whether e-mail or even text. Great narrative.
| Sophiesix chapter 1 . 11/8/2009
some lovely metaphors in a haunting story. I loved the way you weaved in the backstory. The one phrase that i didn't like so much was "feeling increasingly vulnerable." it's neat and to teh point, but i think i would have liked it better if it was linked to an action or something, then used to describe that action, rather than being so bald? Oh, and "that last moments" those last moments?
I loved your descriptions of her hand and finger movements, i found that really poetic and i could just see it in my minds eye. Nice work and good luck for the WCC :)
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 11/8/2009
You did a good job with the emotions here. The feelings of guilt, dread, and hope were pulled off well. I found the MC likable, and the way you tied it all together as an email was very cute. :)
Good luck in WCC this month!