|Reviews for Chosen|
| The Wolf Goddess chapter 11 . 6/15/2011
Update! Awesome story u really are an awesome writer u should get some of your work published. Keep at it girlie
-The Wolf Goddess
| JustWords chapter 10 . 6/26/2010
wah! please tell me you haven't had another horse related accident, and can't update, that would be devastating... btw, its awesome that you have a horse, i'm horse crazy, but years away from being able to take care of one, especially my own.. much as i wish i could :)
this story is awesome! i only wish that.. sniffs... it might've continued.. :P mainly its her secret thats bugging me, but i have an inkling that i know what it is... :P
oh! i read that you're accepting beta requests? i have several stories, either long or short, that i just wanted to have looked over and given a critical review on what to do...
hopefully i'm not just being hard on myself when i look at my stories and wonder if theres any hope for them :P
| some1 chapter 7 . 11/22/2009
wow.. and why isnt there more? its a good story that you have gotten off on... but i really like it!
| LaButterfly chapter 7 . 11/22/2009
Oh no, I hope that's not Enna! As you may gather from my review, I'm a loyal reader, and a terrible reviewer. :) I'm very intrigued by this story and Liv's secret. I'm also quite amused at how taken by her our General is. I look forward to your next update to find out what on Earth is going on!
| Ravina chapter 2 . 11/16/2009
- 'I lipped from'; Typo - 'slipped'.
- 'Thinking about it I wasn't; Maybe a comma after 'it'?
- 'candle shed left'; Typo - 'she'd'.
- 'he could see'; Change in perspective - should be 'I'.
- 'discovered to me the'; I don't get it...is it supposed to be 'be'? (Dunno.)
- 'strong, and brave, making'; I think the comma after 'strong' is unnecessary.
Short! Ahh! But at least you're writing, and not giving up on NaNoWriMo like a bunch of others. Perseverance!
| Ravina chapter 1 . 11/9/2009
- 'upper level o his home'; Typo - 'of'.
- '"General." I managed to say.' You shoulder put a comma (,) after 'general'.
- 'Hadn't anyone told him my name? I wondered, slightly shocked.' I don't think you need to put 'I wondered', since the story is written in the first-person.
- 'said to lead wel past the lake'; Typo - 'well'.
- I like the name 'Ioreck'. Just saying. :P (Discovered? Uh-oh...what's she up to?)
- 'then you will got to the cook'; Typo - 'go'.
- 'retire here and u will'; Typo - 'you'.
- 'When I go to a public function, rare, but known to happen, you once again, will' can be 'When I go to a public function - rare, but known to happen - you once again, will'
- '"Yes." he answered, looking up.' That should be a comma (,) after 'yes'.
- 'as im gone most of the year'; Typo - 'i'm'.
- '"There!" The Generl said'; Typo - 'General', and 'the' should not be capitalized.
- 'rest of my suit through'; Typo - 'suite'. (Ivory door - pretty!)
- 'its more for your protection'; Typo - 'it's'. (There's another 'its' typo later on in that paragraph - 'its rare enough'.)
- '"Liv, I meant no disrespect." the General murmured.' Comma (,) again.
- I like that the General is not a self-important idiot; at least he admits he's human and can be wrong.
- Pain? Is she sick - is that why she needs to see the herbalist? Or is she injured, and worried that if people find out she'll lose her job? (Don't mind me, I'm just voicing my very rhetorical questions...)
- 'informed an agree'; Typo - 'and'.
- I thought at first that he meant he's locking Liv into her room, but it seems he locked them both in. You might want to make that more clear.
The comma (,) thing is because the sentence is technically not finished until you write the tag line - Google 'dialogue comma' and check out the first link for more information on that. (I'm not the best at explaining it.)
So far I'm liking the plot and I can't wait to see where you take it! I know the above points maybe seem like a lot, but they're all minor things (mostly small typos) that you really don't need to focus on right now since writing, not editing, is the idea behind NaNoWriMo. Try not to bother with these edits until you're done.
Just out of curiousity...have you read the 'Study' series by Maria V. Snyder? The main girl in that series is a food-taster for their Commander.
I'm going to put you on my alerts list and will try to review as often as possible. If you need any help or pointers with anything, just drop me a PM and I'll let you know if I have time.
Good luck with NaNoWriMo - you're already doing great! ;)