Reviews for Fabric
rust phoenix chapter 1 . 2/6/2010
Wow. Powerful writing. Very effective format and voice, especially the parentheses and the narrator's self-correction. Great contrast between the spoken words and the internal monologue. Actually, I can picture this as a monologue in a play, or even a stand-alone stream-of-consciousness-type stage presentation. It seems like the kind of thing that could be amazing to hear out loud.
MissGreySunshine chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
This poem was magnificent! What made it magnificant was the imagery that made the scene almost tangible. I felt like I was there as a result of the carefully selected words. There was a slight twinge in the (minimal) dialogue that made it beautifully simple and yet complex at the same time. Especially at lines 20-21, I felt the characters' confliction between herself.

I also felt hooked the moment I started reading. The first line caught my eye, becuase although there have been many poems dealing with this subject, not many have started out asking the question "Do you love me?". Plus, the fact that it didn't sound cliched, made it more interesting to read, making me hooked faster.

However, I'm not sure who's asking "Do you love me?" during the whole piece, so I felt that needed to be clarified. I wasn't sure whether it was the one writing the poem or if it was the love interest. Maybe you vould try to clarify that. But, it's not neccessary.

Very good job!

-Einstein-
GoneAndDeleted chapter 1 . 12/4/2009
"Like a bullet,soft and tender." It's been said,but I'm going to say it again because it's an awesome I think of bullets,the first thing that comes to mind are spy ,and ,you transformed it to something gentle and soft.

The repetition of "Do you love me?" was placed real well made me think about how he loved her and the reasons ,he ended up not,which is a good twist.

Good job! (:
lipleaf chapter 1 . 11/27/2009
I like the line "like a bullet, soft and tender." It's so contradictory. Bullets are symbols of death, yet the speaker uses it in a way that makes them seem loving and kind. It also gives me the feeling that the narrator sees death as a beautiful thing, rather than something to be mourned. The repetition of "Do you love me?" also helped make this poem more enjoyable. It's like you're listing all of the ways that he does love her, yet at the end, he doesn't.
mate.feed.kill.repeat chapter 1 . 11/23/2009
The thing about this piece is that it's really good, but given my current rather complicated situation, it pissed me off so bad to read this that I really can't say that I like it. I mean, I do like it. I do. It's just that I don't.

(Did that make sense? Probably not.)

This piece is really well-done. The first three stanzas have just the right amount of description and I loved the little braacketed off/stylized bits (I'm sorry if those are the completely wrong words to describe what you used but my brain isn't working right now). I loved the-

"Do you love me?" and then the "Yes." No, but it doesn't matter.

-There is just something about that I can't really place, but I know that poetry is better that way.

The reason that I hate this so much is (-big shock-) rather personal. I know, that's not a legitimate review game response, & for that I'm sorry.

This is probably actually one of the best pieces I've read in quite a while.

-stix-
writingpistachio chapter 1 . 11/16/2009
Haha. I love the [she said] and all those innuendos. They add humor to a poem that could easily become a heavy, boring, dull, deep piece. One thing, in the second stanza, third line, 'squeezing and squeezing until I can breath', 'breath' should be 'breathe'... I think? ] I know someone already said that, but it's the only thing I can possibly think of that's a dislike.

Honestly, I adore this. It's really well put together, excellently executed. There's a difference.

]
Isca chapter 1 . 11/15/2009
"Like a bullet, soft and tender." Wow. What a mind-blowing simile. It's interesting to think about how small a bullet is and yet how much damage it can cause.

"I like it when your hands strangle this body." Excellent line. It's sharp, hard-hitting, and perfect.

"I wouldn’t mind if you feel like going lower." How cheeky. ;)
RawrEllieMayMightBeADinosaur chapter 1 . 11/15/2009
"I like it when your hands strangle this body,

squeezing and squeezing until I can breath."

Hmm, this line confused me a little.

I keep thinking it should say until I can't breathe.

Besides that, I love this.

It's something that everyone can relate to.

Nice work :)
MusicBender chapter 1 . 11/9/2009
hahaha aw that sucks.

this was nice. :)

Azzie