|Reviews for Her Crimson Butterfly|
| xJadeRainx chapter 4 . 5/1/2010
It HAS been a strange day for Grace!
What does the High Chancellor want with her?
Who is her Guardian, and why did he/she send her a pretty, new dress?
And who the heck is Heuro?
All questions I need to have answered!
| xJadeRainx chapter 1 . 5/1/2010
Let me congratulate you! You are very descriptive in your writing. really like that. This story seems interesting. I think we can all identify with Grace in on capacity or another. I can't wait to read more of this story!
| hippiekid95 chapter 2 . 11/20/2009
i loved the first two chapters and look forward to reading the rest. i can't really critisize anything since i haven't read it all yet, and for an opening chapter it was excellent. i loved the description of Aunt Sarah. Maybe you could give more background about where the main character came from. obviously you don't want to give it all away at once and you probably have developed it in chapters 3 and 4 anyway so sorry that wasn't very useful!
| Ben Nelson chapter 3 . 11/15/2009
this chapter is very good, very descriptive and really gets the story going. I really like all the description that helps us visualize the square and makes us feel like we are there. i was thinking that chapter 2 could be more like the beginning of this chapter so these two are combined then do like um i cant think of a book example that you would know of... umm its like one thing happens and then you leave something to change the scene without changing the chapter like harry potter i think does it, it has like three stars and then it starts off in a different area or changes the character that its following. i was thinking that you could do something like this you could do an extra space or two between the paragraphs or have some sort of symbol that could signify the passing of time and the changing of scenes without making it a new chapter.
| Ben Nelson chapter 2 . 11/15/2009
this chapter is very detailed and descriptive but not a lot seems to happen, i do realize that a lot of it is reminiscing about the night before and that the previous nights events are quite a lot to comprehend but i feel like this chapter needs more of something...
| Ben Nelson chapter 1 . 11/15/2009
This chapter is very detailed i feel like i'm there experiencing it and it makes me tingly. There are some words that need there spelling to be changed and a word or two added to make some of the sentences make sense but other than that this is a great first chapter that leaves me wanting more
| Lyra Kaji chapter 5 . 11/15/2009
That was rediculously awesome. Is the Kyuuketsuki (the word, I mean) derived from Japanese? Does it have secret meanings?
This is really really cool.
You also use swears very effectively in this chapter. Odd comment, I know...some people just stick them in there and it sounds terrible, but they actually add effect.
And the writing, in general, flows really well in this...teaser chapter? So is there more to this chapter you're going to add later?
| Lyra Kaji chapter 4 . 11/14/2009
Dude, that's wicked creepy. That's not a bad thing, that's a good thing. OMG! This is just really really cool.
The first few paragraphs were a little confusing, though. What exactly happened? Just the way you stated everything, I thought it was a metaphor, except then Grace woke up and realized someone had tried to kill her or something. I'd just make those two paragraphs a little clearer, and the chapter will be great!
| Lyra Kaji chapter 3 . 11/14/2009
This chapter was great!
A little constructive criticism:
When you use a quote within a quote, you typically would use "''". That thing where Gertrude was talking should have been punctuated like this Gertude said "The wizard guy said 'Blahblahblah.' Isn't that wierd, Grace?"
Some of Gertrude's quotes could have been a little more casual; some of them were really formal...maybe that's just how Gertrude talks. If that's the case you might want to have Grace muse about how Gertrude always talks so formally and properly, just so the reader doesn't go: Wow, way to have really fake dialogue! Especially when the rest of your dialogue is so good...
| Lyra Kaji chapter 2 . 11/14/2009
1st off: How old is Grace? You might have said and I just didn't notice...is she turning 16? That sounds really familiar. She seems younger than that for some reason.
Waking someone up by hitting their hand with a spoon is something I have never heard of before. However, the first few lines were hilarious.
The dialogue was really realistic! Haha her aunt sounds a little like me...well, not the hitting with a spoon part, maybe...the saying made up words by accident part, a little.
| Lyra Kaji chapter 1 . 11/14/2009
Why is the teaser in 3rd person, while the chapter is in 1st? Maybe it isn't fair to say that, because I haven't actually read the whole thing yet- do you switch back and forth? And please add capitals and stuff on the teaser; it was buggin' me. Other than that, the teaser was exactly the way a teaser should be.
You used the word iridescent correctly! You'd be surprised (but then again perhaps not) by how many people use that word wrong. It drives me crazy...kind of a pet peeve of mine, nerdy, I know...
I loved the imagery. You said you were an imagery person...and it's clear you're good at it...so being an imagery person is good. YAY! I liked this chapter a lot.
Capitalize the one part of Chapter One...
Oh geez I wrote a lot...I guess that's what happens when you go on fictionpress as a means of escaping your history homework...I'll read the next chapter now.