|Reviews for Trapped (Updated Version)|
| hatter360 chapter 1 . 11/21
This is really good! You should check out my story, its called the Cobbler's Daughter :)
| Vicki Lawson chapter 14 . 12/18/2012
So who was the other werewolf? Write a sequel!
| RuSato92 chapter 4 . 6/12/2010
Not bad, but your details are too basic and you just glide over and don't go into detail as much as you should. You should have Emma be more offended at Chris or atleast have him apologize for running away. Also, your sentences are very basic.
| iwillbealwaysadreamer chapter 5 . 12/12/2009
I likses. There were a few spelling mistakes, probably just accidental, but I thought I ought to point that out to you. I'm looking forward to reading more! :)
| broken-pixie chapter 3 . 12/4/2009
This is a bit better than the first two chapters, but still lacking detail. I think that's all you need to work on. Also, I want to give you advise to make twists in you're story, not to make to cliched, because I tink I can see where this is going. Anyway, update soon, please - I'd like to learn more about this Chris.
| broken-pixie chapter 1 . 12/4/2009
So, to me this chapter seems more of an information chapter : Characters are introduced and described, and that's basically the whole chapter. There's not much detail in the chapter itself. I also noticed that you described what her friends look like and their character, but you didn't describe her. The 'what's going on' part could use some more detail, if this is not supposed to be a filler chapter.
Anyway, you'd probably like to hear some good things, right? Thought so _...It does have my attention, especially with this "accident" she had the past year. Also, I think you are one of the few that have actualy had a first chapter without spelling mistakes (: Kuddos for you! _
| 039301 chapter 3 . 11/26/2009
Hey, so your story has a very interesting story line but you need to further describe scenes and add more description and details. I look forward to future chapters and how you develop this story
| Lily Thompson chapter 1 . 11/12/2009
Okay, I see the general idea of what you're trying to get across. It's good, it's well formed, but the execution needs a bit of tweaking.
In the current world we live in, there's really no such thing as "normal" skin color. Delve in a bit more and flush out your character, who are they, what do they like to do, what do they look like. You can say a lot about your characters by describing their appearance - dive in a bit more to the types of gangs you're talking about. Gangs that run around and shoot people or just a group of people that hang out and quarrel with another group that likes to hang out together?
There's a great idea here... it just needs a bit more.