Reviews for The Devil's in the Detail
Tanis Phillipus chapter 2 . 4/29/2012
Her loony radar was beeping at the rate of a ventricular fibrillation. - love this line.

He knew she liked the mercury over 30, and kept it that way just for her. Just one of those little things a guy does when he likes a girl. - lawyer girls. sigh. they expect too much from their boy friends.

Everyone's already said pretty much everything already. You have a very nice and natural style, and a great sense of humour. I really liked the ending.

Didn't like the second and third story as much. They had a very lacklustre plot when compared to the first.
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Indestructible13 chapter 3 . 12/16/2009
What kind of spy goes on a mission drunk? Freakin idiot, you need your hand-eye coordination at its best for silent kills...

Anyway, this was good and you did hit all five prompt phrases.
Indestructible13 chapter 2 . 12/16/2009
"Like any living thing would. He shook his head."- I know I'm not one to talk, but there should be a comma separating these two sentences.

This was funny, though I can see why you didn't put it into the prompt, you missed a few phrases.
Indestructible13 chapter 1 . 12/16/2009
Alright, I'll admit this one made me laugh. The only things I found wrong with it were already addressed, that's what I get for being a late reviewer...

Great job ensuring the reader would want to go on to the next chapter though.
Kimmy94 chapter 3 . 12/15/2009
I don't get it... What just happened? How did those stories go together?
lookingwest chapter 3 . 12/7/2009
The minions! XD Hmm, this one definitley has a lighter quality to it sense you got all the prompts right out there within the first few lines of dialogue, or at least most of the prompts I think. I'm not sure how I feel about that but I can see why it was partly unfinished. Woah okay, again you astound me with your endings, for starting out so light and happy you really end with a bang (pun intended here XD...okay maybe I shouldn't be laughing) but the way you can take something from light to dark is certainly a talent to be noted. After reading all three though, I think you really created something special with the first, and I really loved having a chance to see how the author developed the final work-it's good you did this because people rarely get the chance to see the development, it's a special glimpse into the mind of the author!
lookingwest chapter 2 . 12/7/2009
Wow-that ending! This read very fast but I really liked the conversational quality because you handle it very realistically. I also liked the way you established your setting and quick characterization at the beginning and then showed us the rest. It was very "tell" and then "show". I've never seen a pseudo-argument over baby carrots end in such a dramatic way, you're writing always becomes something clever! I envy that :)
Written chapter 3 . 12/2/2009
I read all three of your entries and enjoyed them. the first one's ending caught me off guard. he's trying to damn her so that she goes to hell? but it was so good, and entertaining to boot.

the second one just made me laugh, especially when it got to the part about baby carrots. hah! so funny, seriously. i don't even exactly know why.

this last one, i think the answer to the question was great, that last line there. i cant believe you came up with so many ideas!

congrats on the honorable mention :)
Michael Howard chapter 3 . 12/1/2009
Okay now, let's clarify, did that mosquito bite you before or after you wrote this? (8-)

Well, I have to say I liked both of the previous installments of this tenuously connected series more than this one - although it still had its moments. (For instance, the spleen bit was hilarious).

As for Timothy Dalton, I'm not exactly his biggest fan but Hollywood has certainly inflicted worse upon us. I have no trouble at all picturing George Lazenby in a sombrero...
Michael Howard chapter 2 . 12/1/2009
“Don't make me slap you with my flip flop.”

If I had a dollar for every time somebody's said that to me...

I'd have exactly enough money to read entertaining, albeit slightly twisted, little gems like this on the internet.
Lani Lenore chapter 1 . 12/1/2009
Ah this story was very good. The dialogue flowed easily and the descriptions were excellent. The writing moved on with hardly a hitch, carrying us from the beginning to the end on smooth tracks. The characters were fairly clear in my mind. I liked all the little bits you used, especially about the minions and the marriage scenario.

Though, I got a little confused. You had me going that this story was going to be about her first meeting with him, which I was really getting focused on, and then you swapped from that completely and took me into the future where they’d been dating a while. It was fine. I adjusted, though I just feel like there should have been more of a transition. Also, I realy felt like the woman should have had a name. Simply calling her ‘her’ just put us so far away from her. It makes it hard to care….Then again, I guess it could make sense to simply call her that, seeing as how the devil is often referred to simply as ‘him’.

In the end, I guess I’d say it serves her right for dating the devil, and that’s symbolic in it’s own way, but there’s something always humorous to me about how a woman character will go for the most terrible sort of man (literally) just because he’s hot (also literally). P

You’re certainly very talented. In fact, this story could have just as easily won the contest. Congrats on the great story! )
Narq chapter 3 . 12/1/2009
Oh I liked the ending. It was damn scary!

It was a little lacking in description at the start, but the dialogue was certainly entertaining.

But i must admit I got a bit confused. Was it Andy that got killed in the end? And did Jess run away? or did she betray him...?

Err.. brain not working well..

yeah, mosquitoes biting my legs too!

Narq
Narq chapter 2 . 12/1/2009
Hello

"little roots still screaming for a chance to flower" - :shiver: that sounds so good and so scary!

It was really scary, the mentioning of lettuce "heads", and the personifacation of everything was so real and scary!

". But his gaze was stuck suspiciously near her badge area" - lol! NICe! I reckon that was HER purpose!

"He folded a stick of gum into her mouth and chewed stolidly." that's nice, but did he chew? or did she chew?

".. like sucked by a magnet" maybe use another word than sucked here, because you've already repeated it quite a few times before?

:shiver: this weird, and scary. I don't fully understand it, but it's good and I feel stupid because I don't understand :P

Next one!

Narq.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 1 . 11/28/2009
Wow. This could definitely work as more than a one-shot. There's just so much left up to the imagination.

Your characters had me hooked from the very beginning, no doubt about it. There was just something sinister about the way the man talked. It was evil and interesting. I liked him because of the confidence he radiated, and you did an amazing job pulling that off. Even though the woman seemed to be enjoying herself a little too much, at the very end, I could get a pretty good idea of who she was and what she might have been feeling in a situation like that.

I also enjoyed your style of writing. Like I said before, this could really work as more than a one shot, and though I know you probably won't continue it, I really did love the way you left so much up for the imagination. It sort of leans toward a cliffhanger type ending, and the closing sentences had me smiling.

Excellent work with this. :D

Velvet.
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