Reviews for Blackhole Syndrome
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
I really like this piece. The descriptions here were very beautiful. The idea behind the piece was also really great, especially with the ending.

I liked the format here too. Where you broke up the lines worked well. I also liked your use of punctuation in the third line. It is a great way to mix up the flow. The italics on everything made a great emphasis too.

PS Check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile.)
herpius derpius7 chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
"nothing left but microchips and molecules"

fantastic. i love the contrast. life and death. godhood or damnation.

and i love the urgency of the final lines.

brilliant.
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 1/13/2010
This is a pretty representative poem of your style, I think. I got an angry vibe from this poem, mostly because of the "origination. creation." line. "Nouning" verbs makes them angry and metal.

The only thing about this poem I didn't like was the last two words. I had a little cliche-puke in my mouth right there. I have two suggestions on what to do, though they both involve ending an essentially schemeless poem with a rhyme. Take, for example, every single one of Hamlet's soliloquies (After all, Shakespeare pretty much defined Western literature as we know it today). In all six, the last two lines rhyme to bring the dramatic speeches to a close. That's important here, too, because this poem is so final in nature.

I think you should either rhyme the last two words (four syllables) with either "known" or "quick." My bet is on known, though. Thanks for the review on miss brightest star, by the way. Your analysis of the poem was spot-on. You're a fantastic reviewer, as always.

:)

thewhimsicalbard
wo bu ai ni le chapter 1 . 1/6/2010
Wow, I like the apocalyptic tone with which you approach the image, and the parallel levels your words work on. The varying lengths of the sentences enhance the feeling of unpredictability, pushed to its climax at the end. Really well done!
Broken-Catastrophe chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
Oh my god... I love this.

It makes just enouh sense to be considered a masterpiece,

But just little enough to be considered insane.

This is art.
vitriolicvermilion chapter 1 . 12/30/2009
Holy.

Flying.

Spaghetti.

Monster.

This poem beast.

I love the entire feel of it, the way it flows, the voice that I imagine narrating it.

I love the comparison-godhood or damnation? They tend to be very closely linked.

The last stanza standing apart from the rest just gives it that "BAM" that it needed.

Ahh I'm so favoriting this.
Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 11/25/2009
Wow this is amazing!

"the

universe on the tip of your tongue, super-

novas shimmering like jewels within your

very eyes."

You have quite a way with words.

Great work
tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 11/17/2009
love this. brilliant.
Isca chapter 1 . 11/15/2009
"Origination." Whoa. After 'life and death collide' this is a very powerful statement. :)

"This could be the godhood you've secretly been dreaming of." Brilliant. An absolutely BRILLIANT line. It's both honest and mind-blowing. :D

"Or else everything will fall victim to the vacuum." Hah. A black-hole death. How interesting.
yourKonstantine chapter 1 . 11/12/2009
Oh, wow. I love this...it's really amazing. Especially that last bit...

Love it. Short and sweet and beautiful.

Kristen

(always yourKonstantine)
growing-up chapter 1 . 11/12/2009
thats really moving.

Pretty words and scary ideas. I love it.
NoRoadsLeft chapter 1 . 11/12/2009
brilliant. you have a way with words.
Ondine's Curse chapter 1 . 11/12/2009
eye-opening.
Mirabella chapter 1 . 11/12/2009
super-

novas shimmering like jewels within your

very eyes.

Brilliant!

I love it!