Reviews for Break the Line
Ghost n' Ghoul Girl chapter 1 . 2/2/2010
ok, so u know my friend on fictionpress, i dnt know her screenname, but u know her. she told me that u said that break the line is going to be amazing, and i totally know it will be. one thing, i dnt know if u read "my" last review or not, if ya dnt then dont read it. because it was under my name, but i, myself, dnt actually say all that. I introduced ur series to my friend n she read the first two n the first 5 chapters of break the line. she waz at my house one day n i must have left her alone at some point to get/do something, i dnt know. Anaway she went ta fictionpress on my account n she wrote the last review that said that i, Ghost n' Ghoul Girl, said that. but i dnt. i disagree with what she said. thats all

Ghost n' Ghoul Girl chapter 5 . 2/1/2010
ok, ive read the first two stories. i loved both of them. i loved the first one the mest, the one with tristin n everything. The second not AS good, but still good. what made it not as good is that it followed the same EXACT story line as the first; vampir boy finds soul mate human-ish girl, mean to each other at first, then get nicer and fall in love, bad guy tries to take soul mate and hurts her, then dies in the end, the vampire and girl live happily ever after.

dont get me wrong, its a great story line, its just that it goes from great to not so great when you have the same exact story line for the sequal, and now it looks like yoiu are once again haveing the same story line for break the line as well. When the same story line (plot) is used for three books, that are sequals to each other, the once great plot turns into a boring and predictibal story. The only difference in break the line is that they didn't start out being mean to each other. im sorry, i dnt mean to be the downer and just asy that ur storys suck, cuz they dnt, not at ALL. they r great. but my suggestion is that for break the line, since you arent that far into it yet, my suggestion for it is to change the entire plot. Yes, keep some of it, like the soul mate part and the happily ever after part. But get rid of the rest n change the whole plot so it has twists and turns. Maybe have someone that Ava cares about get murdered (no one really important, maybe she re-unites with her mom and then her mom gets murdered or something) and nobody knows who murdered them or how or why so Ava gets Mason (who happily agrees) and mason gets his family to help her find out the who how and why. (im srry im giving u this long idea if it bothers you. i can get a little controling sometimes n suggest something that u dnt want ta do. srry if thats the case here -D) or something like they THINK that her mom (or someone els) got murdered but turns out that they just faked their murder for some reason. or something totally different. or you can ignore everything i said. But please, if you want to tell me ur reaction, then u can. n again, im very srry. it sound like i hate ur stories when i dnt. i think ur an amazing writer n all of ur stories should definatly b published. n if u decide ta ignore me n go with the same plot, then ill still read break the line either way n ill still luv it. i know i will cuz U wrote it. again, ur an AMAZINGLY GREAT writer. make more stories so i can keep reading them! i cnt wait till u update break the line! 8-D
Essence-of-Me chapter 5 . 1/31/2010
Although im just loving the characters - Masen's just too sweet!

Im finding this very unbelievable.. if she ran away and was haunted by previous sexual exploits and what-not how on earth does she just jump into his arms and let him kiss and cuddle and accept promises and stuff? No, she should be very very wary, and even though she may like him, cautious to do anything. I appreciate the fact that you mentioned she felt 'relaxed' when with her mate and essentially trusted him, i doubt thats what would really happen in real life - you know, even if ppl did mate like vampires. Or at the very least she should be having doubts as to what she's doing when she fully "recovers" and realises that shes acting against what her survival instincts were saying. Weave a few doubts, cautiousness in there to make this seem real. Also you cant have them all lovey-dovey right from the start even tho a psycho vamp on the loose seems cool, have him attempt to competely win her over, let us se the relationship building up!

Hope this helps. Its just otherwise id think this was just fluff and really, ur stories are better than tht (i loved the other two). Lol and dont take what i said the wrong way.

L-jay x
Ghost n' Ghoul Girl chapter 5 . 1/30/2010
very, very, VERY good so far. UPDate! UPDATE NOW! (... .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . ...please. :-)
Efra chapter 5 . 1/30/2010
Please update soon
sexmeupXdollface chapter 5 . 1/29/2010
I love this series ! PLEASE UPDATE SOON! I LOVE IT !

Da Names Britny chapter 1 . 1/25/2010
Okay i came across you two days ago.

ive read The Thin Line & Walk the Line!


i cant wait for a new chapter.

I think im the 108th reveiw!

I kno how you feel bout reviews.

Sadly i deleted my good story

and lost all off my review :(

Ops! sorry!

I was startin to ramble. (blush!)

but like i said your stories are great!

keep the chapters comin! :D

Da Names Britny!
ann chapter 5 . 1/25/2010
its time to start updating Ive been waiting for i don't know how long and im sure many others feel the same way
Vivianna Valerius chapter 5 . 1/24/2010
omg love it keep going you have a very deep plot and your stories behind the people are well thought out waiting for a big twist
Kimberly Beckwith chapter 5 . 1/23/2010
Awh hes so oving and forgiveing i cant wait for more!
alley83 chapter 5 . 1/21/2010
I'm so happy that you are continuing on with your series! I love the two previous stories and I love this one! I love Sophie and Masen's relationship as twins and I love Masen and Ava's budding relationship! I'm very excited to read more on them! I hope it's soon :)

Sauisjf chapter 5 . 1/21/2010
when are you going to update?
SharpiexLove chapter 5 . 1/10/2010
I'm really lovin your story.

Great Chapter, im so happy to see their relationship growing.

Can't wait for the next chapter. Good job :)
elohel chapter 5 . 1/6/2010
Ava is deeper than she appears, it so sad.

Masen is perfect for her,

i wish i had a Masen :)

I got you to 100, yay!

this is so good

update soon.

elohel chapter 4 . 1/6/2010
This line is so cute v

“You're my guardian angel, aren't you?” Ava said, with Masen pulling away from her neck with a smile on his face.

great chapter!

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