Reviews for The World in Play: Chapter 4: Julia
Lynn K. Hollander chapter 1 . 9/24/2010
Author's Comments:

Emily/Julia/Helen:

Hu Miyi is one of Julia's schoolmates.

Emily was Julia's name before she ran away from home. Helen was Emily's aunt, now dead. Before she died, Helen imprinted her memories into/onto Emily's personality. The integrated personality, who remembers being the niece(Emily) _and_ being the aunt(Helen), is called Julia.

'You obviously realize that you can post multiple chapters to the same story using the chaptering tool, please do so... It is annoying to have the chapters of a story all over the place like this...' The author will point out that The World in Play is the title of the main Story Arc. Within that story arc, she writes stories that contain a mix of stand alone elements and elements of the central story. This is not unlike a TV series, with some episodes not part of the seasonal over-story. In fairness to the new reader, she feels she must announce that all the chapters, including the stand alone stories, are part of the story arc, and that Julia: The World in Play: Chapter 4, is the _fourth_ such story and as such, will not include a lot of introductory material.
Michi Leona chapter 1 . 6/25/2010
Finally a story with sensible characters and a non-cliche plot. I really enjoyed this chapter, but it would be nice if you could cut it into half, or something? It's just really long, and I kind of got tired near the end, because even though it was interesting it was just too much.

You're very good at portraying your characters' personalities. I especially enjoyed Jan, Galley, and Julia. The dialogue between all of them are marvelous and really reflect their personas. I can also tell you're a character-author, which basically means that while you're strong with characters, you're not so strong with setting and description. Sometimes I wondered what the characters were actually doing, where they were, etc.

Your grammar/punctuation/spelling are impeccable, which is wonderful to find on this site. Great job on that!

As for your plot, very nice detail on integrating Julia into society. I especially liked that part of the story (shopping for clothes, sending her to school, etc). But it got confusing in the later part, where there was Emily, Julia, Miwi, and Helen. I couldn't really figure out who was who.

Other than that, wonderful job!
All About the Good Stuff chapter 1 . 6/16/2010
I agree about chapters; maybe have parts with chapter breakdown? Otherwise, the story has an interesting premise.
Nakehaton chapter 1 . 6/15/2010
You obviously realize that you can post multiple chapters to the same story using the chaptering tool, please do so...

It is annoying to have the chapters of a story all over the place like this...