|Reviews for What?|
| Khaled chapter 16 . 12/21/2010
Overall, I like this piece. A few suggestions:
the "alas" in the first stanza, though elegant on its own, almost seems to disrupt the flow. I don't think there is any harm in dropping it. Perhaps offers the idea of more confidence, but, not much more than that.
Then the line, "i'm so afraid of the part . . ."
feels a slight clumsy to me. Maybe consider reworking.
Ah, but, you're very talented.
| Khaled chapter 14 . 12/21/2010
I dislike dreams that feel too real. Makes you feel groggy when you wake up. Oddly, a mirror was in my dream last night, too.
| Khaled chapter 12 . 12/21/2010
I agree here. I think, though, some people have too addictive tendencies. Of course, for the lot of us who don't, creative power for the win, yes?
| Khaled chapter 11 . 12/21/2010
| Khaled chapter 10 . 12/21/2010
Nice concept here, though, not my favorite. I did like the last two lines, seeing Jesus as beauty then how tragedy follows. In a sense, proof of what humanity does to the miraculous. Destroys it.
| Khaled chapter 8 . 12/21/2010
Funny how my favorite chapter thus far was written when you were stoned. Well, these things spark creativity. Not to say your writing is not intoxicating on it's own.
| Khaled chapter 6 . 12/21/2010
That's interesting. I think it's good you've found what you need to do to release yourself creatively, anyhow.
| Khaled chapter 5 . 12/21/2010
| Khaled chapter 2 . 12/21/2010
Should you need much else?
| Khaled chapter 1 . 12/21/2010
Sounds delightful already.
| drink me pretty chapter 35 . 12/5/2010
by examining the consequences.
| lymli chapter 20 . 12/2/2010
the message in this is wise though ironic too.
| drink me pretty chapter 33 . 11/29/2010
why, oh why
are your haikus
the most superb things
i'm actually inspired.
for an apathetic individual
such as i, that is quite
| i think that maybe chapter 31 . 11/21/2010
can't say i didn't squee like a 11yearold beiberfangirl when i saw you posted (two things, at that!)
so mm, yeah,
i missed you.
(&this- yeah. yeah. (yeah.))
| Creeping Collarbones chapter 30 . 6/18/2010
I love this. I love love love reading your thoughts. It's honest and amazing. Thank you for posting them.