|Reviews for Raven, A Portrait|
| Brenda Agaro chapter 1 . 3/1/2010
I like the description of Raven. You provided enough details and even quirks to paint an interesting portrait of her. Beautiful.
| Tekla chapter 1 . 1/23/2010
Congrats again at winning WCC -
I liked this a lot. It's short and simple but it tells us to not worry about what other people think about us. Do what we want kind of a deal.
One of the first things I noticed was you used "completely" three times in the first three sentences. While I'm a terrible writer (and a hypocrite?) in terms of over-using adverbs and the like, it's tedious and redundant to use them in such close proximity. Try to find other words that don't end in -ly to help you describe it in the way you want.
Third paragraph talking about her jewelry - "chocker" should be "choker".
I wonder about the narrator. When she was talking about smuggling Kit-Kat bars to Raven's room I initially thought she was a nurse, but it's not really mentioned anywhere. It would be nice to know for the obsessive-compulsive like me :P
I appreciate the use of big words. is my favorite resource XD I would be a little more cautious about using a few in a row though, some people don't like looking up words all the time.
What are the italicized words for? I know they're part of mainstream culture, but I don't get the reason for them. Unless you specify why you do that (maybe they're copyrighted or something, I don't know) then I would do away with them.
I really like that I feel like I've gotten to know Raven within a few short paragraphs. You're very gifted with words :)
congrats again for WCC!
| Isca chapter 1 . 11/15/2009
Aha! I love the part where the word 'Salad' reminds the woman of 'Saladin.' That's priceless.
| amavian chapter 1 . 11/13/2009
It's really interesting seeing prose from you, not something that you see everyday.
The picture you paint is as the subject is, very esoteric. I feel like you've given me a glimpse of her, but not really at the same time. Something is missing. I want more.