|Reviews for A Tainted Love
| MyFallenAngel13 chapter 4 . 7/21/2012
wow, ohmygosh, your the first writer who's brought up the mate thing and make it not sound completely corny and stupid. i'm so proud!
| MatingInspires chapter 31 . 7/1/2012
Thx for sharing!
| crazypsycho chapter 31 . 5/1/2012
I just had time to read your story and I liked it. :D Good job. Although I would like to comment on the POVs that kept on changing back and forth. It got me confused a lot of times. :D But, it was nice to know each characters feelings about the situation. :D Keep on writing. :D
| L.S.Haney chapter 31 . 4/4/2012
Omg I love this story! Any plans on continuing the series?
| Ri chapter 10 . 3/27/2012
I really like Garett in this chapter. He seemed more vulnerable rather than possessive for the first time. Though I do wonder why he didn't get angry when he found Harry 'straddling' Hannah (based on his previous reactions haha)
| Ri chapter 6 . 3/27/2012
awww Garret is cute! I'm glad he didn't kill Brett. But I ownder which era this story is set in because Hannah seems so concerned about not being a virgin.
anyhow, moving on to next chap because am so engrossed!
| Ri chapter 4 . 3/27/2012
really like it up till now! Garett sounds cute but I have my reservations about why he wanted to kill her brother - doesn't he feel that his mate will feel sad if he just killed her brother?
| Amy chapter 22 . 12/28/2011
I really tried to stick with this story, because your initial plot was really good.
You had decent characters and a believable beginning, and aside from the grammatical mistakes that made it a tad uncomfortable to read at times, I enjoyed it. Make sure to punctuate correctly and double check your spelling. I really, really recommend you get a beta because although it can seem off-putting having someone critique and tweak your work, it will do wonders for your writing as it is difficult to spot your own flaws.
I think you used rape as a plot device to bring drama but didn't do any research on the matter. I recommend you look up rape cases and how the victims deal with it. Hannah is completely unbelievable as a rape victim, and it sometimes feels like you mention it every now and then just to get some angst into your plotline. Also, you mention that it is a complete taboo to be impure before marriage during the time of this story - well for heaven's sake then, surely Hannah would do more to protect her secret? It is a deep, shameful secret of hers that she believes will make her disgusting to any man, and yet she tells all of this to a woman she has known for around an hour? It doesn't make sense. Then, we have Amos himself. He is supposed to have destroyed Hannah - taken her virginity, painfully and humiliatingly raping her out in public and enjoying every second of her fear. And yet Hannah rarely if ever shows this. Often she acts almost completely fine around Amos, as if he isn't a monster that quite literally led to the destruction of her life. The rape was in fact a good angle to have taken, but it was so poorly written that in the end it is almost insulting the way you have her get over it within seconds whenever it suits you.
Your characters need more development too. We as the readers need to see how they tick. You tell us dramatic stories (that add exactly nothing to the plot) of their past but nothing of their actual character. What do they like to do? What do they fear? Why do they make the decisions that they make? I honestly can't even tell you what makes Hannah tick because all you do is tell us what happens to her and nothing about her.
You also have way too many characters being juggled with here. These constant point of view shifts are confusing and annoying to keep up with. We don't need to hear from Russell, or Paige, or Brett, or Bridget, or Lily and whoever else you throw in there. It's very clear that you are using them as fillers when your story is lulling or you can't think of a way to describe the next scene. I can understand why this story needs POV shifts, but I honestly think that if you'd have gone into detail with what was going on, we wouldn't have needed to hear from anyone other than Amos, Garrett and Hannah. Or, seeing as you have so many POV changes, perhaps it would have been better to stick to a general POV instead of selecting one person to follow. Mind your tenses too, because you're in and out of first and third tense like a yo-yo.
Next, you need to incorporate more realism to your writing. Yes, I understand that this is supernatural and werewolves aren't exactly realistic, but most of this is so hard to swallow that it's difficult to continue. Hannah's miraculous short-term memory loss when it comes to her ordeal, for example. Or Paige's odd pregnancy that I can't put a length on because your timeline isn't simply all over the place - it doesn't actually exist. Did you research werewolves before writing this? What about wolves? Their natural habits, foods, pack formations, gestation periods? You need to back up what you write with research because otherwise it gets sloppy and hard to believe, which puts off potential readers.
Please, please don't be put off by reviews like this. You have a good concept, but at the moment it is a diamond in the rough, in need of a great deal of work. When you pay heed to tips like these you will be able to watch the positive reviews roll in and that's what you're aiming for, right?
| xxRivaxx chapter 1 . 11/24/2011
read this whole story and loved it thankyou so much for this and AFBL :D
| redheadedGirl chapter 13 . 11/13/2011
I hate to say this put this story is everywhere! too many pov's and too many sides of one story. i recommended if you want a good story make every other person their own story. this story is too scattered and it is hard to tell whats going on. it needs some serious work!
| charliej chapter 31 . 11/7/2011
Good for you. Editing is the bane of my existence! Once a story is done, I want to move on to the next story burning in my brain, not rehash something that I've already done.
| Readandloves chapter 13 . 8/22/2011
I love your storys! They are really good and legit enough to be published! Ive only read the first wolf story, and im almost done with the second but i can tell already that your writing is great!:) keep it up..
| Aly838 chapter 29 . 8/20/2011
Haha, so it wouldn't allow me to review on the next chapter because I had already written a review on it a long time ago so I'll write a review on this chapter!
I was just going through all the stories I had previously read on fictionpress and I saw this and knew I had to re-read it! I can see why I loved it so much the first time around! You're such a great writer and I really wished you had decided to write another sequel with Bear finding his true mate. Anyways, it was great going back and reading this story all over again! I had forgotten how much I loved it the first time!
Don't ever stop writing because you're an amazing writer! I cant wait to read many more of your stories!
| pixiesarenotpixseys chapter 19 . 6/7/2011
I love this story! reading it was so fun! I like how hannah grew. she faced her worst nightmare and acted pretty admireable. I love your writeing style the fighting scenes move so smoothly. i always have trouble with that part of writing. i also like different ways you portray werewolves. like one pack eats humans and another eats animals. I think in some stories that i read people forget that they are part wolf. not just human. they forget that animals are controled my certain urges and certian basic survival instincs. so why not a werewolf. you also made your characters so real. keep up the good work! cant wait to read more!
| WhatWhat chapter 13 . 4/17/2011
Sorry again, i'm just mad that Russel ratted Hannah out to her raper. Even if Paige was with child, he could've done something else, example: lied. I'm also wigged out at how Brett imediatly forgot about Bridget his TRUE MATE to go find his sister. Your werewolves seem to have some issues. Also i'm mad at Hannah and her mood swings. She's always doing the stupidest of things, that cost everybody something. That's just my opinion. I guess that's it. -What※What