|Reviews for Beyond the Ordinary|
| Chesterfield chapter 1 . 11/16/2009
You have good story telling and you certainly know how to get from the beginning to the end of an action scene. Your characters have strong personalities which is a relief, because then I actually start to care what happens to them.
However, your grammar needs a LOT of work. When I read the sentence, I just feel confused by the time it's over and usually have to insert what I think might be grammatically sound. For example, you have this sentence:
Lucy was as annoying to Ryan as Emily was to Eoin, ever since 1st year it was obvious she was nuts about him, she wasnt that bad looking it was just she was annoying.
Grammatically, it's a mess. It should look like this:
Lucy was as annoying to Ryan as Emily was to Eoin because ever since their first year, it was obvious she was nuts about him. It wasn't as though she was bad looking, she was just annoying.
I think you should go through this chapter and put 100% of your writing abilities into every sentence to make sure they all say exactly what you want them to say. Then you would have a great story and great grammar too, which is what people look for when they read.
Great job and thanks!